Shattered Illusions
by brookefan329
Summary: Brooke has the life she always wanted, or at least thought she'd always wanted. What happens when she realizes just how out of control her life is and hits rock bottom? Who will be there to catch her fall?
1. Just Another Day

**Author's note: **Here's my latest Brucas. Everything that has happened on the show has happened in this story, I haven't changed anything. A huge thanks to Jess for helping me get this chapter to where it is! Also, thanks to Cath and the other girls for helping me come up with the title. Cath, I couldn't go without putting Brooke in the DKNY dress! Also, thanks to Cari for being my beta. And Mary, for the most perfect banner ever! I love it. So here it is…Shattered Illusion…enjoy!

Chapter 1- Just Another Day

"Devon, I'm home," Brooke called out, her voice echoing throughout the mansion. She awaited a response, but none came. The only sound she could hear were the stiletto heels of her new red strappy Manolos, clicking against the marble of the vast entryway.

Brooke entered her Tuscan style kitchen hoping to find a note, but as usual, there wasn't one. Devon worked late most nights, or at least claimed to.

Some might think that Brooke Davis-Nilson was a typical trophy wife, and that as long as there was money to spend, nothing else mattered. That was far from the truth though. She knew what her husband was really up to all those nights he claimed to be working late. She knew that he was with his secretary on the leather couch in his office, or at some sleazy motel with a faceless waitress. Trash, that's all those girls were. They looked at Devon and all they could see were dollar signs.

Brooke met Devon in her senior year of college. They had both attended NYU; Brooke was there pursuing a career in fashion, and Devon was studying for a degree in business. In reality though, it hadn't mattered what Devon decided to study. His father owned one of the largest investment firms in North Carolina, and Devon was going to take that over some day, no matter what he decided to study in college. Lucky for Brooke, or at least she thought at the time, Devon put most of his energy into pursuing her.

There were sparks from the moment they met. It was at some bar, Brooke couldn't remember exactly what one, but she'd been on the dance floor and Devon had been trying to squeeze by while carrying a pitcher of beer. Someone had knocked into him and he spilled the pitcher all over Brooke's shoes. Granted, they were only some Steve Madden sandals, but they were her favorite pair of dancing shoes because they were the only ones that didn't hurt her feet.

"Hey, these are my favorite shoes," she'd called out at him, pointing down at her feet.

She had to resist the urge to smile as she looked him over. Tall, dark, and handsome, just what she liked. She guessed he was just about six feet tall, which was perfect because Brooke rarely left the house in anything but heels. His hair was dark and spiky, messy spiky, and that look just drove Brooke wild. He had hazel eyes, but all of that paled in comparison to how perfectly he was dressed.

Brooke liked a guy who could dress. Devon wore jeans, but clearly knew the importance of wearing jeans that actually fit, unlike most guys who just grabbed the first thing off the rack. He had on a pink striped button-down shirt, and over it, a black blazer which she guessed was Kenneth Cole. It was all perfect, right down to his black loafers.

Devon had sheepishly looked up at her, cheeks flushed with embarrassment, as he attempted to pick up the mess. Brooke had stormed off, looking to find the ladies room to clean the beer off her feet, acting as though she wasn't going to give him a second thought. In reality, she hoped that when she came out of the bathroom he'd still be there. It was just her luck to find he'd gone, though. Brooke continued on with her night, pushing the memory of him far into the back of her mind.

The next day when Brooke went to leave her apartment for class, she was shocked at the sight of a shoe box outside her front door.

_I hope these can replace the ones I ruined last night. If not, call me, I'll take you out to dinner and then shoe shopping. If they do replace them, call me anyway. Devon_

Brooke remembered standing there, fingering the piece of paper that held his phone number. She wasn't sure how he'd gotten her address, but that didn't matter. She was impressed. Not only by the note, but by the Jimmy Choo's lying in the shoe box.

Two nights later, they'd had dinner. They hit it off right away. Devon made Brooke laugh, and after all the drama she'd had with her high school boyfriend Lucas Scott, that was what she wanted. Someone fun. Devon was fun, and rich, which made having a good time a lot easier. He'd take her to ridiculously expensive restaurants for dinner and then they'd spend the night out on the town, all courtesy of his father's credit card. Devon could always get into all the best clubs. Brooke couldn't have been happier.

Six months later, he'd proposed. Two months after that, they'd gotten married on a beach in North Carolina where, coincidentally, they'd both grown up, only a couple of hours away from each other. They were married at sunset with just their closest friends and family present. Brooke wore a simple, strapless Vera Wang gown. It was exactly as Brooke had always imagined her wedding would be.

After a whirlwind honeymoon in Europe, Devon brought Brooke to Durham, North Carolina, where he'd grown up, and showed her the house his parents were giving to them as a wedding present. 'House' didn't seem to be a fitting description, though. Houses didn't have more bedrooms than you could count on one hand, they didn't have tennis courts, swimming pools, and hot tubs. Mansion almost seemed to be a more fitting word. It had been perfect. All of it. Devon, the house, their future together, it was everything Brooke had ever wanted.

Devon had begun working for his father, and Brooke threw herself into decorating their new home. She wanted to do it all herself, so she put starting her career on hold. Her days were packed with fabric swatches and paint samples, but she never got overwhelmed. A big part of that was due to the help of her best friend, Peyton Sawyer.

Peyton and Brooke had been best friends for just about as long as they could remember. They had been separated by hundreds of miles throughout college, but their bond never weakened. It was just plain luck for Brooke that Peyton also lived in Durham. She'd studied art at North Carolina Central University and decided to stay in Durham after she graduated.

Peyton was also married. She'd married her high school sweetheart, Jake Jagielski, and she, Jake and his daughter Jenny were quite the happy family. They'd hit their fair share of bumps in the road, but they somehow managed to always come out on top.

Once the decorating was done, Brooke began looking for a job. She had little luck at first, but that was mostly because she didn't know where to look. For a blossoming fashion designer, North Carolina really wasn't the ideal location. So, Brooke sucked it up, reminded herself that marriage sometimes involved sacrifice, and she began working for a small boutique in downtown Durham.

After about two years she'd finally had the confidence to open up her own boutique. Thankfully, Devon had the funds to back her dream, and before she knew it she had her own little business. It was quite the hit with high school and college girls, and that was the way Brooke wanted it, as those were the tastes she could best cater to.

It didn't take long before the shop took off, and Brooke was flying high. There she was, 25, married to an incredibly handsome and wealthy man, running her own boutique. She had everything she'd ever dreamed of; love, success, money, and a future that seemed to be set in stone.

Then suddenly something changed. She and Devon began to see each other less and less. They both worked long hours, and were rarely home at the same time. Whenever they were, they were usually sleeping, or arguing. They argued about everything, but mostly about money.

Brooke had always thought that when you had a lot of money you didn't need to fight about it. She now knew that that was far from the truth. They had more money than they knew what to do with, yet they still argued about it tirelessly.

When they weren't fighting about money they were fighting about having children. Brooke had never thought herself to be the mother type, but now that she was married and her career was a success, she was ready for something new.

She'd broached the subject of having children to Devon many times. He always responded with a quick rejection of the idea. After a while, he began to get angry with Brooke whenever she brought up the subject. That was when the trust issues began.

Devon always seemed to be skeptical that Brooke was going to mess with her birth control, or stop taking it, in order to get pregnant "by mistake." It hurt Brooke that he thought she would be so deceptive with him. Finally, she got tired of arguing about it, so they stopped having sex altogether.

It was right about then that Devon started "working late" almost every night. It didn't take Brooke long to realize what was really going on. He wasn't getting what he needed from her, so he was getting it somewhere else. It sickened Brooke, but it just wasn't worth the fight anymore.

That's the day that it all started to get almost intolerable, the day that Brooke decided it wasn't worth the fight anymore. She'd almost resigned herself to being unhappy. She'd come home night after night to this huge empty house all alone. She'd pop a Lean Cuisine in the microwave and then lose herself in whatever television show was on that night. Brooke had actually come to welcome working late, it provided the necessary distraction.

Brooke had everything she'd ever thought she'd wanted and she was more miserable than she'd ever been. There were nights she longed for her the life she had in high school.

When Brooke had started college, she was relieved to finally escape the hold her childhood home of Tree Hill, North Carolina had on her. Everyone knew her in Tree Hill, or at least thought they did, and she couldn't wait to get as far away from there as possible. She wanted to start over. Become the person she always thought she'd wanted to be. Moving to New York City had afforded her that chance, and she'd relished it.

She didn't look back often. The people and things she had valued most from her childhood and high school days she kept close to her. She remained close with Peyton through the years, and also Haley, her other best friend and roommate for most of their senior year of high school.

Haley James-Scott and Brooke Davis certainly were a mismatched pair. Tutor Girl and Tigger. No one understood their friendship, but it worked and that was all that mattered. They'd met junior year when Lucas Scott had first entered Brooke's life. Haley and Lucas had been best friends for years. Haley was sweet and naïve, the exact opposite of Brooke. Less than a year later, they were roommates, bonded by their common feeling of abandonment, Brooke from her parents and Haley from her estranged husband, Nathan Scott, half-brother to Lucas.

Haley and Nathan met junior year of high school. It all started out as some big scheme by Nathan to annoy Lucas. Nathan figured if he could screw with Lucas' best friend, he could screw with Lucas. Little did Nathan know, Haley was it for him, his one and only. The relationship was rocky at first, but as soon as Nathan opened up to it and let it happen, it took them both by storm. By the middle of junior year they were married. Everyone was shocked at first, but quickly accepted it when they saw just how in love the pair were.

Then, one day, it all fell apart. Haley met Chris Keller, arrogant musician, he helped develop her singing, and then he helped her hop a tour bus to follow her dreams, breaking Nathan's heart in the process.

A few short months later, Haley appeared on Nathan's doorstep, tears flowing down her cheeks, pleading for him to take her back. It had taken a while, but they eventually became the couple they once had been, disgustingly in love. It was crazy to think how it had all started with trying to get on Lucas' nerves.

Lucas Scott. Brooke's first love and first heartbreak. Truth be told, what she had been running from in Tree Hill had been him.

They'd met junior year when Lucas joined the Tree Hill Ravens varsity basketball team. They were soon dating, and almost as soon, broke up. Then she learned the truth, Lucas had been hooking up with her best friend, Peyton. It took a long time for Brooke to bounce back from that, but she did. Peyton and Brooke rediscovered their friendship, and Brooke and Lucas realized their love for one another and spent one unbelievable year sharing that love.

Then his secret came out. He had HCM, Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy, a genetic heart mutation. He'd hidden it from her for months. He had a life threatening illness and he had never told her. That was a violation of trust; one Brooke couldn't come back from. Shortly after his secret came out, she ended the relationship.

No one could ever say it was lack of love that had split them up. It killed Brooke to walk away from him, but she couldn't be in a relationship were they didn't fully trust one another. It pained her to see him in the months that followed and it was impossible to get over him when she saw him almost everyday. When she'd finally boarded that plane to go to New York City, she knew that it was just what she needed.

Each day she thought about him less and less, until one day she didn't think about him at all. Coincidentally, that day had been the same day she met Devon. Peyton always said it was because Devon distracted her. Brooke denied it until she was blue in the face. But now, sitting there all alone in her huge house, she knew Peyton was right. She knew it because every night, Lucas Scott somehow managed to creep back into her mind.

That was the worst part of the loneliness, the endless hours she had to herself to think. She thought about everything, her successes, her regrets, but mostly, how her life was nothing like she'd ever dreamed of.

After choking down her low calorie meal of chicken parmesan, at least that was what she box claimed it to be Brooke in fact thought it to be cardboard covered in tomato paste, she climbed down the stairs to the wine cellar. She selected a bottle of 1962 Pinot Grigio and headed up back up to the kitchen.

She grabbed a glass and headed up the stairs, the bottle of wine in tow. Brooke drew herself a nice hot bath, complete with lavender bath bubbles. After slipping out of her new red floral DKNY dress she climbed into the bath, exhaling with relief as the hot water enveloped her body. She soaked for a long time, as if she hoped to soak away her pain. Finally, after seeing how pruned her fingers had become; she pulled herself out of the bath. As she stepped out, she knocked over the wine bottle with her foot.

'Good thing it's almost gone,' she thought as she examined the floor to see if any had spilled. She scooped up the bottle and wine glass and brought them both into the bedroom with her.

She rifled through her dresser, finally selecting a pair of deep blue La Perla satin pajamas. After slipping into them she poured the last of the wine into the glass and climbed into bed. Slipping underneath the Egyptian cotton sheet, she reached for her book and began to read, but it wasn't long before the full effects of the wine hit her and she was dead to the world.

It was just another typical night for Brooke-Davis Nilson.


	2. Keeping Up Appearances

**Author's note:** Thanks for all the reviews. A lot of you have asked about when we'd see Lucas. Unfortunately, we won't see him in this chapter, but we will see him very soon. I still wanted to develop Brooke's character and story a little more. Some of the questions you guys have asked will be answered in this chapter. Special thanks to Jess for all her help and to Cari, my beta, who's so pretty.

Chapter 2- Keeping Up Appearances

Brooke glanced down anxiously at the diamond encrusted face of her Charriol watch. She couldn't wait to get this over with. She'd agreed to meet Donna, one of Devon's co-worker's wives, for a little shopping trip. Brooke absolutely detested these trips, but more importantly, she detested the wives of Devon's co-workers. That didn't matter though because Brooke had to keep up appearances. She was still the wife of a very powerful man and that meant making some sacrifices.

"Yoo-hoo! Brookie, is that you?"

Brooke cringed at the sound of that voice. Donna and her husband Heath had moved to North Carolina from Texas less than a year ago. Brooke kept hoping that Donna's accent would begin to soften or disappear, but no such luck. It wasn't just the accent though; it was the whiny tone of her voice. The sound of fingernails being dragged slowly across a chalkboard was easier on the ears than Donna's voice.

Taking in a deep breath, Brooke plastered on her biggest fake smile and turned around.

"Donna, how good to see you!" Brooke gushed brightly. She walked over to the woman and before she could step aside, Brooke was pulled into a hug. She almost choked on the strength of her perfume. Sure, it was Gucci's newest fragrance, but it seemed as though Donna had doused the whole bottle on herself.

Donna pulled away from Brooke, holding her at arms length, giving her the once over.

"Aren't you just a picture of perfection? Look at you. You look gorgeous, as always."

Brooke bit her tongue, knowing Donna was looking for a similar compliment.

"Oh, you too. I absolutely love that dress, who is it?" Brooke was absolutely stunned by how sickeningly sweet she could make her voice. No doubt it was from the years of practice.

Brooke tuned Donna out as she spoke. Her question needed no answer; Brooke knew the dress was Dior. It was part of the spring line and had been plastered all over every fashion magazine. The spaghetti strap jersey dress, this season's must have. Pretentious, was what it was.

Brooke would never lie and say she didn't have expensive taste, but she still tried to remain original, to a point. If she saw something plastered throughout her magazines, she would never buy it, because she knew that it wouldn't take more than a couple of days before every trophy wife in town was prancing around in it. Clothes like that oozed money, and so did those women, but that wasn't Brooke's style. Brooke liked to keep it a little low key, and she managed quite well. Today, she was wearing her favorite BCBG black sundress. She'd opted for an oversized red belt and her favorite red Dior sandals to accessorize. Expensive, but still classy.

"Well now honey, come on, I just _have_ to have the new Burberry tote," Donna drawled as she grabbed Brooke's arm, pulling her in the direction of the handbags.

'Page forty two of Vogue. Of course you do,' Brooke thought cynically.

A short while later, the women had made their way over to the shoe department. Brooke kept glancing at her watch, mentally counting down the minutes until she could politely excuse herself for her lunch appointment. Brooke knew Donna would scoff at the fact that Brooke worked, but that was just fine with her. She'd use just about any excuse to get far away from Donna.

She'd contemplated sneaking away several times. Donna was terrible to the store employees. She talked down to them in a way that caused Brooke to be embarrassed, just by association with the woman.

As they sat there trying on various styles from their favorite designers, Donna launched into full gossip mode. It was all Brooke could do to not stab Donna with the heel of the Dolce & Gabbana sling back she was trying on, but then again, Brooke wouldn't want to ruin such a perfect shoe.

"I'll take a pair of these in every color," Donna exclaimed. After rifling through her wallet and handing a credit card over to the saleswoman, Donna shooed her away rudely. "Heath's just gonna love seeing this receipt!" she laughed wickedly. "I swear that man is so stupid. If only he'd realize that if he would just spend a little more time at home and a little less time in that trashy secretary of his, then I might spend a little less of his money."

Brooke forced a smile. "Men," she said in faux sympathy, throwing up her hands in exasperation.

The two women continued on their way. As they passed the lingerie department, something caught Brooke's eye. Donna followed her as Brooke waded her way through the sea of lingerie. Finally, Brooke stopped and fingered a black lacy negligee. Grabbing it, she smiled to herself.

"Woo hee! I tell ya, honey, I wish I was in a marriage like yours. I could walk around in a little number like that til the cows came home and Heath still wouldn't look my way."

Brooke forced a smile and nodded. "Trust me, what Devon and I have is rare. After years of marriage, he still wants me every chance he gets. I couldn't be luckier."

Brooke almost choked over the words. It pained her that she had to keep it all inside, but that was just how it was. She was Brooke Davis-Nilson. Her husband ran the company that all of these women's husbands worked for. She had a certain image to portray and upkeep. And yes, sometimes it turned her stomach to lie to these women, but it had to be done.

Glancing down at her watch, relief washed over Brooke.

"Oh Donna, I'm so sorry but I have to run. I have a lunch appointment that I just can't miss."

Donna immediately began clucking her tongue in disappointment. "Why you work is beyond me. No bother though, I'll continue on by myself. Kiss kiss, Brookie. I'll see you soon."

And with that Donna was off, a blur of shopping bags and blonde hair with the scent of her Gucci perfume wafting behind her.

Brooke turned and hurriedly made her way towards the exit, anxious to make it to her other world. The world where she didn't have to always pretend to be someone she wasn't.

As soon as Brooke spotted Peyton at their usual table, she was able to breathe easy again. Brooke loved that some parts of her life would never change, and Peyton was definitely one of those parts. There she sat, blonde curls framing her beautiful face, clad in a t-shirt for some band Brooke had never heard of, a pair of jeans and her trusty Converse sneakers. It was a relief to be with someone who didn't care who she was wearing or how much it cost.

"P. Sawyer, I'm so sorry I'm late, I got held up," Brooke sighed as she slipped into the chair opposite Peyton.

"Big day at Nieman's, huh?" Peyton couldn't help but laugh as her best friend tried to untangle all of bags from one another and place them on the floor.

"Bad day is more like it. I was shopping with Donna." Brooke looked at Peyton, knowing she'd pick up the cue.

"Oh God, Brooke, you hate that woman. Was it awful?"

"Awful doesn't even begin to describe it. Torture. Now that's a more appropriate word for it," Brooke decided as she perused her menu.

The waiter approached their table and took their drink and meal orders, a diet Coke and chicken salad for Peyton and a glass of Chardonnay and a tuna sandwich on wheat for Brooke.

"So bestest friend, what's the latest?" Brooke asked as her glass of wine was placed in front of her.

"Well, I have a show opening next weekend at that ritzy gallery downtown. I was hoping you and Devon would come."

Brooke furrowed her brow, as if she was mentally dissecting her calendar, before nodding affirmatively.

"Yeah, I'll be there. Devon however, I wouldn't count on."

Peyton shot Brooke a curious look.

"He'll be out of town 'on business.'" She said, emphasizing 'on business' by making quotations symbols with her hands.

"God Brooke, why do you put up with this?"

"With what?" Brooke tossed out nonchalantly, as she pretended to scrutinize the dessert menu.

"With his crap. You know he's sleeping around, why don't you call him on it?"

Peyton became more and more frustrated by Brooke's situation everyday. She'd never thought of Brooke as the kind of person to allow a man to walk all over her, but lo and behold, that's what was happening before her very eyes. The worst part of it was that Peyton hadn't noticed Brooke making any effort to break away from him.

"Why would I call him on it?" Brooke asked before taking a sip of her wine. "It's not like that would make him stop. I mean come on, he's a smart guy. He knows I know. All that would happen is he'd threaten me with a divorce."

Brooke noticed their waiter walking by and she pointed down to her empty wine glass, gesturing for another one.

"Would a divorce really be the worst thing in the world? It's not like you're happy."

"Yes, it would be the worst thing. Not only is a divorce like quitting and giving up, and Brooke Davis is not a quitter, but I'd have to give up the life I've come to know so well. I'd lose everything."

"Not everything. You'd still have me, and Jake, and Haley and Nathan. You'd still have your store."

Brooke groaned audibly, "Nope, wrong. I'd lose the store. Devon was the one who backed it when I started it up. Technically, he owns it. I'd have to buy it from him. If that happened then all the profits I've made would go down the drain. I'd end up living in a box somewhere in the ghetto."

"Okay, Miss Drama Queen, just calm down. You know that would never happen. Jake and I would help you as much as possible. You wouldn't end up living in any box. Yeah, it would be tough, you're right about that, but at least you'd be happy."

"I'm fine," Brooke muttered, as she polished off her second glass of wine. She looked around for their waiter, anxious to order another.

"Fine? I'd hardly call you fine. I mean look at you, Brooke. You're attempting to drink away your problems. We've been in this restaurant less than half an hour and you're already on what, your third glass of wine?" Peyton spoke softly, knowing that she was risking Brooke blowing up at her.

"When and how much I drink is of no concern to you, end of story," Brooke said, crossing her arms over her chest. "Now, onto more important matters, my dinner party this Friday. Are you and Jake still coming?"

Peyton thought about not surrendering so easily, but she didn't want to cause a scene in the middle of the restaurant so she let it go.

"Of course we'll be there. Who else is coming?" Peyton asked, feigning interest.

"Well it'll be Devon and me, you and Jake, two couples from Devon's work and…oh yeah…Tutor Girl and Nathan."

"Nathan and Haley will be there?" Peyton asked, suddenly very interested. It wasn't often that the three couples were able to all get together with Nathan and Haley living in New York. Peyton was not only excited to see them, but she was glad to know she'd be able to get another opinion on Brooke's drinking from Haley.

"Yeah. The Knicks are playing the Bobcats in Charlotte the night before, so they're going to swing by and visit for a couple of days."

Nathan had been drafted by the Knicks straight out of college. He'd played basketball for four years at Duke, and while he and Haley had settled into a comfortable life in North Carolina, neither was prepared to let Nathan pass up the chance of a lifetime. He was named MVP his first season with the Knicks and had been unstoppable ever since.

It had been hard on the group of friends to be so far apart, but they made it work. Haley had graduated from Duke alongside Nathan with a degree in pre-law. She'd been accepted into Duke's law school and opted to stay in North Carolina to pursue her law degree. It had been hell for the couple, being so far apart, but Nathan spent his off-season in North Carolina with Haley, and Haley flew up to New York every school break she had.

The day after Haley received her law degree; she and Nathan packed up her car and drove to New York. Shortly after arriving, Haley took the bar exam, passed with flying colors and began looking for a job. It took less than a month before the perfect opportunity opened up for her.

The New York Knicks had their own private team of lawyers for writing and negotiating contracts and working with the public relations team whenever necessary. There had been an opening and Haley had jumped at the opportunity. After rounds of grueling interviews, Haley was offered the job. The only 'catch' was that she'd have to travel with the team. Haley was thrilled at the prospect and since then, she and Nathan had been practically inseparable.

"That's great Brooke. And yeah, Jake and I will definitely be there. Are you going to invite…"

Brooke cut off Peyton before she could utter his name, "Why would I want to do that? Like Devon and I aren't having enough problems. He'd only cause more."

"Come on Brooke, he'll know about the dinner. He'll be traveling with the team," Peyton chided, hoping to get her best friend to bend a little.

"It's my party and I'll invite who I want. End of story," Brooke said with finality. Peyton knew that arguing further was pointless.

Just then, their meals arrived and both girls were thankful for the distraction. They ate in silence, neither wanting to start another round of arguing. Peyton watched as Brooke finished her third glass of wine. She could see Brooke debating whether or not to order another one, before opting not to and Peyton knew it was only so that Brooke wouldn't risk Peyton passing another judgment on her.

After their meal was done and they had engaged in a little small talk, the two friends stood to go about their separate ways. Brooke swayed on her feet a bit as she stood. "Oh, I stood up too fast," she said quickly, before Peyton had the chance to add her two cents.

"Well, I'll call you later Brooke; I have to get back to the gallery."

"Okay, later, P. Sawyer," Brooke called out, even though Peyton was already halfway across the restaurant. Brooke reached down, grabbed all of her bags, and headed out the door as well.

Later that night, clad in her new black lingerie, Brooke anxiously awaited Devon's arrival home. He'd promised to make it home in time for dinner, and when he couldn't deliver on that promise, he'd called and said he'd be home by nine.

It was nearing ten and Brooke was still all alone. She'd been lying on the bed for hours, hoping that when Devon got home the sight of her in her new lingerie would break their dry spell, but now she knew it was pointless. He wasn't going to be home anytime soon.

Climbing off the bed, Brooke grabbed a black satin robe from the closet and wrapped it around herself. She made her way down to the kitchen and opened the stainless steel refrigerator, hoping something would catch her eye. No such luck.

Turning, she shut the refrigerator door and made her way down to the wine cellar. Not even glancing at the label, she grabbed a bottle and made her way back up the stairs. Grabbing a wine glass she headed back up towards the bedroom and drew herself a nice hot bath.

Less than an hour later she was passed out, having managed to drink away the memories of the day.


	3. Everything and Nothing

**Author's note:** I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Admittedly, I struggled with it. After talking to Jess I did a massive re-write. In my first draft I rushed it and didn't feel good about it. I was trying to move it along and give what I thought everyone wanted, I tried to get closer to bringing Lucas into the picture. It didn't work for me though, it's not time yet. I promise, he'll be here soon, but not until the time is right. What this chapter now is, well now it's how I wanted it and I feel good about it, so enjoy. Thanks to Jess for all her help and Rian for being my beta at the last minute!

Chapter 3- Everything and Nothing

Brooke rummaged frantically through the cupboards lining the walls of her kitchen. Try as she might, she couldn't find her crystal candlesticks. She'd already finished setting the rest of the table, the candlesticks were the finishing touch. The clear crystal was a stark contrast to the deep red rose floating centerpiece.

Just as she spotted the candlesticks in the back of the top shelf of one of the cupboards, Brooke heard her cell phone vibrating from across the kitchen. Scrambling over she saw that it was Devon.

"Hello."

"Brooke, change of plans for tonight. Joshua and his wife cancelled. Will that be much trouble?"

Brooke exhaled and replied, "Not at all," her tone clearly indicating that it was, in fact, quite a bit of trouble.

"Okay, I'll see you just before our guests arrive, say 7 o'clock?"

"Try not to be late this time." With that, Brooke flipped her cell phone shut and tossed it back on the counter.

She walked through the kitchen into the dining room and began taking away two places and rearranging the table for eight instead of ten.

While it wasn't really that much of an inconvenience for Brooke that there were two less guests, she knew that Devon hadn't just discovered this information and was angry that he was only sharing it with her now, hours before the party. Brooke was actually quite thankful that Joshua and his wife Mimi would not be attending, Mimi was one of Brooke's least favorite people.

After rearranging the table Brooke went into the kitchen to check on dinner. Brooke took pride in her cooking skills. After marrying Devon she'd taken quite a few cooking classes. And while Devon certainly could afford to hire a chef, Brooke wanted to handle all of the cooking herself. She felt it was her duty as a wife. She'd also thought cleaning to be another one of these wifely duties, but she'd quickly learned that her house was much too large for one person to clean. So, Brooke finally succumbed to Devon's pleas and hired a modest housekeeping staff.

In the beginning of their marriage Brooke had prepared dinner every night. It wasn't until Devon began "working late" so often that this nightly ritual began to dwindle away. Now, the only time Brooke cooked was when she threw dinner parties or if she had family in town visiting. Every other night it was whatever Lean Cuisine she grabbed from the freezer first.

Brooke had spent a lot of time planning the menu for tonight. She'd decided to use truffles for a few of the courses, she'd had some black truffles sent in from France and she was excited to try cooking with them. After much scrutiny, she'd decided on five courses; a truffle custard to start, followed by a poached garlic soup, then the mixed greens with truffle oil dressing, the main course was linguine with black truffles, and, for dessert, a lavender sorbet.

One of the few times Brooke was obsessively organized was when she prepared a meal such as this. She'd done as much as she could the night before so as to alleviate the workload the day of the party. With only a few hours left, there was actually little left to do, mostly preparing the linguine. Since she'd done everything she could, she placed a lid on the pot in which the soup was simmering, and headed up to take a shower.

After her shower Brooke took her time getting ready. She still had about an hour and a half until her guests would arrive and she wanted to look her best. Opting for wearing her hair curly, she blew it dry and then placed it all in rollers. After carefully applying her make up, she made her way to her closet. Brooke had purchased the perfect dress for the night. It was a silk Diane VonFurstenberg spotted magnolia sun dress, and it was perfect for a midsummer's night dinner party.

Once she was finished dressing, Brooke headed back down to the kitchen, she wanted to get the linguine going before her guests arrived. Once everything was complete and simmering on the stove, or placed in serving dishes, Brooke glanced at the clock, 7:15, her guests were due to arrive in 15 minutes and her husband still hadn't arrived. She hoped he wouldn't screw this up for her.

Brooke hurried into the kitchen to stir the soup. Just as she turned on the stove, she heard the front door open.

"Brooke, I'm home."

She looked up from the stove as he entered, "You're late."

"I got held up, I'm sorry. I'm here before the guests, that's what matters."

Just then the doorbell rang, "Go change, I'll get that." Brooke shooed him away and he headed up the stairs towards their bedroom.

Brooke reached down, straightened her dress, plastered on a smile, and headed towards the door. Pulling it open she was thrilled to see Nathan and Haley standing there, rather than Devon's co-workers.

"Haley, Nathan, I'm so glad to see you guys."

Brooke spoke as she pulled Haley into a hug. "Lookin' good Tutorgirl."

Brooke smiled and then reached up to hug Nathan, "You to Tutorboy."

Haley took Brooke in, "Wow, Brooke, I love that dress." Brooke seemed her normal self, Haley noted. Well put together, dressed to the nines, but most importantly, clearly sober. Haley wasn't quite sure what Peyton's concerns were all about, but at the moment they seemed unfounded.

Peyton had called Haley a couple days prior to the party voicing her concerns about Brooke and her recent drinking. Peyton had made it sound as though Brooke was one drink away from hitting rock bottom on a downward spiral. Haley had been instantly filled with worry and had vowed to keep an eye on Brooke. She wanted to assess the problem so that she and Peyton could come up with a suitable game plan. But, as of right now, Haley really wasn't quite sure what all the concern was for.

"Aw, thanks. Now, come in, come in." Brooke shut the door behind them and led them into the sitting room. "Can I get you guys anything to drink?"

"That would be great Brooke, I'll have a scotch on the rocks." Nathan had had a tough game the previous night and had yet to have a drink.

When Nathan and Haley met he was quite the party boy. Haley had quickly changed that though, and one of his favorite past times became just watching a movie and lying on the couch with Haley in his arms. Still though, after every game, he relished the chance to sit back with a scotch and really unwind.

"Haley?"

"I'll just have a club soda. I can already see Nathan tossing back a few with Jake and someone has to drive us back to the hotel."

"Haley, a hotel? You could have stayed here. We have the room."

Haley smiled slyly as a blush tinted her cheeks pink, "Its okay Brooke, we um, wanted the privacy."

Brooke raised an eyebrow and playfully punched Haley in the arm, "Glad to know I rubbed off on you. Anyway, you guys make yourself comfortable, I'll get your drinks."

As Brooke was preparing the drinks, she heard Devon's voice approaching the room. Not even thinking, she grabbed another glass and prepared Devon's favorite drink, a dirty martini, while she watched him welcome their guests and then quickly segue into basketball talk with Nathan.

Brooke handed Nathan and Haley their drinks and then headed over to Devon. She handed him drink and he gazed up at her appreciatively, "Ah, you do always know just what I want."

Brooke was almost taken aback, his smile seemed so genuine. She felt herself beginning to relax a little, maybe the night would run smoothly. She was pulled back from her thoughts as she heard the doorbell.

She began to turn to answer the door and Devon grabbed her arm, "Wait…I'll go with you."

As they headed towards the door, Devon placed his hand on the small of Brooke's back, she smiled, that was one of her favorite gestures. It always reminded her that she wasn't as alone as she often felt.

"Jonathon, Emma. Come in, it's so nice to see you." Brook said after opening the door and revealing their guests.

"Brooke, you look lovely as usual." Emma spoke as she walked into the house.

"Thank you, you do too. I love that dress." Brooke ushered them into the sitting room and made the necessary introductions, "Please, make yourselves at home, can I get you a drink?"

Brooke took their drink orders and headed to the drink cart. Brooke poured some scotch into a glass and then turned, quickly heading out of the room, "I'm afraid I need more ice, if you'll excuse me for just a minute."

Haley, who had been looking around the room at some new paintings Brooke had recently acquired, saw Brooke excuse herself. Haley followed behind her quietly and peered into the kitchen. She was unsure as to what she hoped to see, but there was nothing to see. Brooke filled the ice bucket and then headed back towards the sitting room. Haley turned quickly to return to the sitting room.

Once Peyton and Jake arrived, Brooke excused herself to the kitchen to get the first course ready to serve. Then, after freshening her guests' drinks, she led them all into the dining room.

The first courses went smoothly. The group made small talk, mostly about basketball, it seemed that Jonathon was quite the Knicks fan, and with Jake having played all through high school, the conversation flowed easily. The women also became quite engrossed in the conversation. Brooke smiled as Devon led the conversation skillfully, he really was a wonderful host.

At one point Devon noticed Brooke's empty wine glass, "Could I get some more wine dear?"

"Oh no, I've already had two glasses, that's my limit. Actually, would you mind passing the water?" Brooke asked a surprised Peyton, who reached out to pass the pitcher of water that had come to sit beside her.

Peyton looked over at Haley who raised an eyebrow, she said nothing but Peyton knew that she was thinking what all the concern was about.

Once she served the main course, she found her guests speechless for the first time all night.

"This is amazing Brooke." Peyton was the first to speak.

"Thank you."

"I don't know how you do it Brooke. How you find the time to cook all this, look as amazing as you do, and still manage to keep this man happy." Emma said, gesturing to Devon.

Devon reached over and placed his hand on Brooke's, "I couldn't be luckier, Brooke is quite a woman."

Brooke felt a blush creeping into her cheeks, it had been so long since she'd heard Devon speak about her that way and she nearly had forgotten how to accept a compliment. Clearing her throat, she stood up abruptly from her chair, having noticed that everyone had finished their main course she began to clear their plates, "If you'll excuse me, I'll go and prepare the dessert."

Dessert went as smoothly as the rest of the evening. The conversation had seemed to run it's course so Brooke began to clear the dessert plates. Devon took the cue and invited their guests to accompany him in the sitting room for an after dinner drink. They all accepted and retreated to the sitting room.

Brooke busied herself clearing the table before going to join her guests. She savored the moment of peace. Sometimes entertaining was so exhausting, tonight though, had been an exception. The entire night had gone off without a hitch. The food had been delicious and clearly enjoyed by all of her guests. The conversation had flowed smoothly. Most importantly, Devon had been amazing. He'd been caring and attentive, even affectionate at time, to Brooke all evening. Maybe she'd been overreacting recently, maybe things really weren't as bad as they'd seemed.

Once the table had been cleared, Brooke headed into the sitting room to join her guests. Before she knew it Peyton stood, stifling a yawn, "Brooke, tonight has been great. Thank you so much, we really should head out though, I had an early morning today and I'm just exhausted."

Jake nodded and followed suite, "Yes, thank you so much. It was great to see you all, and it was a pleasure to meet you Jonathon." Jake reached out and shook Jonathon's hand then exchanged the same pleasantries with Emma.

"We'll walk you out." Devon stated, as he rose from his chair.

Brooke couldn't help but raise her eyebrow in surprise, he really was being quite the gentleman.

Haley, having realized that this may be her only opportunity to talk to Peyton alone, hopped up off her chair.

"Nathan and I really should get going as well. We have an early flight back to the city in the morning."

Nathan looked at her a little curiously, their flight didn't leave until the afternoon, but followed her lead.

Brooke and Devon escorted them to the door and said their good byes. Brooke pulled both Peyton and Haley in for a hug and the three friends, once again, said good bye. They'd gotten used to short visits with Haley, but somehow, the good byes had never gotten any easier.

The two couples headed out the door and, as soon as Haley heard the door click shut behind her, she grabbed Peyton's arm. Haley waited a moment as Jake and Nathan made their way over to their cars and, once they were out of ear shot, started in on Peyton.

Crossing her arms over her chest, Haley's expression hardened, "I'll admit it Peyton, I don't really know what all the fuss was about. Brooke had two glasses of wine, that's it. Then she turned down wine and drank water. Two drinks all night? I don't see the problem. I mean, after all, you had what, 4 glasses of wine tonight? Maybe I should be worrying about you having a drinking problem."

Peyton sighed, "I know, I know. She barely had anything to drink. Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe three drinks with lunch every now and then isn't any big deal. I'm sorry Haley, I didn't mean to freak you out."

Haley's face softened, "No, its okay. You were just looking out for her, I get that. And I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply you had any kind of drinking problem."

The two friends quickly reconciled and said their good byes, and the couples then went their separate ways.

Devon and Brooke made their way back to the sitting room and, while Devon and Jonathon launched into conversation about work, Brooke offered Emma a tour of their house. Brooke relished in the "oohs" and "ahs" that escaped Emma's lips as Brooke showed her through the meticulously decorated house.

Once they returned to their husbands, Jonathon stood and began to say his good nights. After seeing them out, Brooke shut and locked the door behind them and turned to head into the kitchen to start on the dishes.

Brooke was shocked when Devon walked up behind her at the sink and wrapped her in his arms.

"This was a perfect evening Brooke. You certainly are a wonderful hostess."

Brooke turned around and gazed up at him, "Thank you. That means a lot."

They stood there for a moment, looking into each other's eyes. And then Devon leaned in and planted a soft kiss on Brooke's lips. That softness in the kiss didn't last long, passion crept in quickly.

Devon pulled away and looked down at Brooke, "Why don't you leave the dishes for tomorrow?"

Brooke smiled and nodded, "Make love to me Devon? I don't want to be alone tonight."

Devon nodded and Brooke told him to lock up and then meet her upstairs. She ran up the stairs and into their bedroom. She rifled through one of her dressers frantically and pulled out the black lace negligee she'd bought the previous week. She slipped into the bathroom and, after having disrobed and put on the negligee, she took a moment to fix her hair.

Brooke retreated to the bedroom and lit some candles that lined the room. Then she lay down on the bed and awaited her husband.

He stood in the doorway moments later, a smile crept across his face.

"You look absolutely gorgeous." He spoke softly, making his way over to the bed.

She smiled in appreciation and reached out, grabbing his tie as he lowered himself on top of her. Their kisses became more and more passionate, the desire growing between them. Devon broke away and planted kisses down Brooke's neck and over her chest. He lowered a strap of her negligee and, reaching down, sucked her breast.

A moan escaped from her lips. She hadn't felt pleasure like this in months. Pushing him back, she began to loosen and remove his tie. She fumbled with the buttons on his shirt and finally she eased that off his shoulders. She ran her hands over his sculpted chest. Knowing she couldn't wait much longer, she started in on his belt. He took her cue and stepped off the bed, lowering his pants and black boxer briefs simultaneously.

He eased himself onto her, once again, and planted kisses down her abdomen. She felt her insides go weak as he planted wet kisses on the inside of her thigh, and then, she sucked in a deep breathe as he lifted off her lace panties.

He hovered over her, looking down at her to see if she was ready. The pleading look in her eyes told him that she was. Just as he went to enter her his cell phone rang from across the room.

"Don't answer it." She said in a husky whisper, knowing she was just moments away from pure ecstasy.

"I have to, it could be work." He began to raise himself off of her.

"Devon, don't." She whined.

He ignored her and rushed over to his phone, flipping it open, "Hello."

"Mmhmm." He nodded as he listened. "Yes, I understand. I'll be right there."

Turning, he headed over towards Brooke. "I'm sorry, but that was one of the guards. There's an emergency, I have to head over to the office."

Brooke opened her mouth to protest, but knew it would do no good, so she nodded and watched as he scooped his clothes off the floor and headed into the bathroom.

She thought about checking his caller ID, but knew that it would produce nothing positive. In fact, she knew it would confirm that it had been his secretary calling. Brooke knew though, she wasn't calling from his office, no, she was calling from her bed and now Devon was headed off to hop into that bed.

"I'm so sorry Brooke. I'll try not to be long."

Brooke still said nothing as Devon rushed from their bedroom. She lay there, waiting to hear the front door open and then close. Straining, she listened further, waiting to hear his engine start. Then, she listened still, but heard nothing. Everything was silent. She was alone, yet again.

Raising herself up off the bed she walked over and reached around the back of the bathroom door to grab her bathrobe. She tied it tightly around herself and made her way downstairs.

She walked over and began to open the door to the wine cellar but stopped herself. The drink cart in the sitting room caught her eye. Walking over, she grabbed the bottle of scotch from the cart. Scotch, she knew, would work much faster.

With that, she made her way up the stairs, and, putting the bottle straight to her lips, she took a long drink. Returning to her empty bed she buried herself underneath the covers and waited for numbness to take hold.


	4. The Leaving Song

**Author's note: **Save One Tree Hill! Let's make sure that the show we love so much comes back. Because this chapter is so long I'm not going to put all the information in this author's note, instead follow this link to see what you can do Let's all work together to save One Tree Hill.

Chapter 4 - The Leaving Song

As Brooke slowly opened her eyes, she felt as if she was trying to break through a fog. She sat up slowly and the room spun around her. Taking a deep breath, she tried to ease herself up off the plush mattress, but it was no use; she was too dizzy. Laying back down, she shut her eyes, willing the vertigo to leave her body.

The events of the previous night slowly began coming back to her. It was mostly a blur, but she was able to string together the main events of the previous night. The dinner party, everyone talking and laughing throughout dinner, Devon's lips on her, his hands on her breasts, Devon's eyes as he hovered above her, ready to enter her, the phone ringing, Devon leaving, the bottle of scotch, and then nothing. Darkness.

Sighing, she finally allowed herself to go there. To go to the place she dreaded, the place she'd skillfully avoided this past year or so. Her heart. The only way she'd been able to put up with Devon and his antics this whole time was because she'd vowed not to let her heart get involved. Her head, now that was okay, she could be logical with her mind. She could see all she'd lose if she left him. She could see that things really weren't that bad. Yes, her head was logical. But her heart … her heart ached and she knew that if she listened to it she'd get pulled down by all the pain and she might never be able to escape it. So she'd fought it, she'd fought off her heart and her pain, but she couldn't do it anymore.

Last night, she'd allowed her heart to feel again, and for a moment, no matter how brief, her heart had been tricked into thinking that everything was going to be okay. She'd felt beautiful, she'd felt like she mattered, that she was good enough. But most importantly, she'd felt love again. At least, that was what she'd thought at the time. But now she knew that wasn't love. That was lust, a longing to feel love, but no matter what she felt at the end of the night, she'd been alone again. She'd been empty again.

Her heart allowed her to feel and she ended up hurt. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't ignore the aching in her heart. The aching told her that she deserved more, that she had to stop putting up with Devon, that she had to get out of this marriage that brought her nothing but pain.

As she lay there, her head and her heart were telling her two completely different things. Her head told her that she needed to stay, that she needed to keep fighting for her marriage. Her head knew what she would lose if she left, her store, her life … it would all change so drastically. Being alone terrified her.

Then there was her heart. Her heart told her she deserved better. It told her that she should be with someone who loved her. She should be with someone whose breath caught in his throat every time she walked into the room, someone who looked into her eyes and saw straight into her soul. Brooke knew that person was out there, she knew that person existed for her, and she just hoped he hadn't already passed her by.

Finally Brooke pulled herself out of bed. She walked over to the closet and pulled out her Louis Vuitton luggage set. She laid it on the bed, opened it, and then began filling it. She wasn't sure where exactly she was going, or how long she'd be there, so she packed a little bit of everything.

She dressed quickly in a simple outfit of jeans and a zip-up sweater. She slipped her feet into her favorite Puma sneakers, the ones she never wore because she rarely left the house dressed so casually. After pulling her long brown hair back into a ponytail, she stepped into the bedroom once more and looked around, ensuring she'd taken anything that was of sentimental value to her. Just as she went to zip up her luggage, she turned, shocked that she'd almost forgotten it. She walked over to her dresser and knelt down. She opened the bottom drawer, the one that held the workout clothes she so rarely touched, and rifled all the way through to the bottom. She felt around along the bottom of the drawer and her breath caught in her throat. She couldn't find it! Then, she felt the cool metal against her fingertips. Breathing a sigh of relief, she pulled out the silver picture frame. Allowing herself a moment, she gazed over the photo and a small smile crossed her lips. Shaking it off, she stood, placed the framed photo into her bag, zipped up her luggage and headed out.

Pausing as she stood before the front door, she contemplated leaving a note, but realized she didn't owe him that. All of the nights he "worked late" and never called … surely he didn't deserve anymore than the same amount of concern he gave to her. Turning, she looked around once. She couldn't shake the feeling that the next time she set foot in this house, everything would have changed.

Walking out to the driveway, she put down all her luggage. She walked over to her black Range Rover and opened the door, reaching inside she pushed the button on the garage door opener that was hooked onto the sun visor. Once the door opened all the way she walked into the garage door and pulled off the car cover. Beneath it sat her prized possession, part of her past she'd not been able to part with; her old baby blue VW Beatle.

Her parents had bought that car for her when she was only sixteen years old. She'd driven it until high school was over, but then it had sat untouched in Peyton's garage throughout college. Peyton had been good at getting it out whenever she was back in Tree Hill and driving it around the neighborhood a little. Whenever Brooke did venture back to Tree Hill, which was quite a rare occurrence, she had the car to drive. When she'd moved to Durham with Devon, she'd picked up her car and taken it with her.

Devon had always made fun of Brooke for keeping the car. Once they moved to Durham he'd bought her first Range Rover, but Brooke said that she just couldn't part with her beloved car. Selling it seemed wrong, so she'd kept it in their garage, pulling it out every couple of months to make sure it was still drivable.

Now, she was relieved to have it. She didn't want to leave in the car he'd bought her, if she was going to start figuring out a game plan she had to start relying on herself more. Putting the key in the ignition she turned the key, praying it would start. The engine turned over a couple times, but it finally came to life.

Looking out the rear window, she backed out of the garage and onto the driveway. She hopped out and loaded up her luggage. Getting back in the car, she backed out of the driveway and turned onto the street and drove away. As the house grew smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror, Brooke smiled. For the first time in years, she actually felt free.

Hours later, she pulled into Peyton's driveway. She'd driven around aimlessly most of the day trying to figure out her next move, but then realized that if she was going to come up with some kind of master plan, she'd need the help of her best friend. She unloaded her luggage from the back of the car and made her way to the front door. After knocking, she waited, hearing footsteps approaching.

The blonde opened the door and, taking just one look at Brooke and the car sitting in the driveway, she knew what had happened. Saying nothing, she stepped outside, grabbed some of the luggage, and made her way into the house, Brooke following closely behind her.

They made their way up the stairs to the guest room in silence. After stashing all the bags, they made their way downstairs and into the kitchen. Peyton opened the freezer and pulled out a bottle of vodka. Taking two glasses from the cupboard, she poured some vodka into each and handed one to Brooke. Peyton knew that now was not the time to worry about her drinking, if there even was anything to really worry about.

Brooke took a long drink from the glass and then placed it back on the counter in front of her. Looking up at Peyton she finally broke the silence.

"Is Jake here?"

Peyton shook her head. "No. They're at Jenny's softball practice. They'll be back in about an hour or so."

Brooke nodded, retreating yet again to silence. She pushed the glass towards Peyton, who filled it again. Tipping her head back, Brooke allowed the cool liquid to stream down her throat. Looking back to Peyton she spoke once again.

"I'm just going to get to bed. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Can we talk in the morning?"

Peyton nodded. "I'll be here. I don't have to go to the gallery until the afternoon."

Brooke just stared at her blankly, Peyton wasn't even sure if she was really listening. Finally, Brooke nodded slowly and then turned and headed up the stairs. She peeled off her clothing and dug through a suitcase until she unearthed a large t-shirt. Pulling it on, she reached up and let her hair loose, then climbed into bed. She buried herself underneath the covers and shut her eyes, willing sleep to take over.

The next morning, Brooke woke up disoriented. She looked around the room and it wasn't until she saw the picture of Jake and Jenny that she realized where she was. Sitting up, she saw her luggage and the events of the last couple days flooded her memory. She couldn't believe she'd done it, she'd finally left Devon.

She reached over to the nightstand where she'd set her cell phone last night after turning it off. Once she powered it up, she called her voicemail. She wasn't surprised to hear that she didn't have any messages. Devon probably hadn't come home last night, so he wouldn't even know yet that she was gone.

Sighing, Brooke pulled herself out of bed and, pulling her robe from her suitcase, wrapped it tightly around herself. She headed out of the guest room and made her way downstairs.

Peyton was sitting at the kitchen table, coffee mug in hand; blonde curls a wild mess around her pretty face. Hearing Brooke enter the kitchen, she looked up from the newspaper she'd been reading.

"Good morning. Coffee?"

Brooke nodded and took a seat at the table. Peyton stood up to get her a cup of coffee. Placing it in front of her, Brooke took a long sip and then leaned back in the chair.

"I left him."

Peyton nodded, "For good?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure yet. I mean I'm only 26. That seems too young to be divorced. I don't know what I'm going to do yet, but for right now I just had to get out of there. I need a couple days to clear my head and come up with some kind of plan."

"I figured that when I saw the luggage, there's no way you could have fit everything into a couple of suitcases."

Brooke nodded in agreement. She opened her mouth to say something, but changed her mind.

Peyton continued, "I don't know how you lasted this long, I mean with not being able to trust him and all."

Brooke smirked, "Trust? I gave up on trust a long time ago, Peyton. I mean look at my track record. Every guy I've been with I couldn't trust. I mean, yeah, I thought I could trust Devon in the very beginning, but that didn't last long. And honestly, I wasn't all that surprised once he started lying. I've never believed in trust, never valued it."

"God Brooke, when did you become such a cynic?"

"When did I become a cynic? Let me think." Brooke reached up and rubbed her chin, sarcasm evident in her movements. "Maybe when my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. Or maybe when that same boyfriend later lied to me about a fatal heart condition. Or wait, maybe when I found out that my best friend kissed said boyfriend once again. It was even worse that time, my biggest insecurity about the relationship came true. God, Lucas wrecked me, he made me this way. I don't think I deserve better because he never gave me better. Jeez, neither did you for that matter."

Brooke glared at Peyton who was looking down at the paper again. Peyton felt like she had no right to say anything. Brooke was right. Peyton had done those things. She'd apologized and they'd moved on, but no matter what, Peyton would never be able to take it back.

Brooke looked at Peyton and knew she'd hurt her. Sighing she reached over and placed her hand on top of Peyton's, "I'm sorry P. Sawyer-Jagielski. I didn't mean it. I'm just upset."

Peyton nodded, tears shining in her eyes. "I know. It's okay."

"Are you sure?" the spite completely disappearing from her voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Peyton nodded profusely as she swiped at her eyes. "Really, it's okay. So, let's come up with a plan."

"I was thinking, if it's okay, I'll stay here for a few days, just until I get back on my feet."

"Of course, you know you're always welcome."

The girls began talking strategy, but were interrupted by Brooke's phone ringing. She picked it up off the table and looked down at the caller ID. She hit ignore and stared down at the phone as though it mesmerized her. She almost couldn't believe it had rang, couldn't believe that he'd called. Minutes later it rang again. Brooke hit ignore again and then powered the phone off.

"Devon?" Peyton asked, already know the answer.

Brooke nodded. "He must have stopped home for something and realized I didn't sleep there last night or something."

Peyton's house phone rang a few minutes later. Peyton hopped up and walked over to it. She looked over at Brooke, both wishing Peyton had caller ID at that moment.

"Sorry, I have to answer it. It could be work or Jenny's school."

Brooke nodded in understanding.

"Hello."

"Peyton, its Devon. Is Brooke there?"

Peyton signaled to Brooke that it was in fact Devon.

"No, I haven't seen her. Sorry."

"Well, she wasn't home when I got home last night. And she hasn't been here all day, I've been calling. I've tried her work and her cell," Devon paused, hoping Peyton would jump in. "Well, if you hear from her, just ask her to get in touch with me?"

"Wow, Devon. Is that concern for your wife I hear?" Peyton couldn't hold her tongue anymore.

"No, it's just that I have a big charity event tonight and I can't show up without Brooke on my arm, so I just need to know if she's coming."

The tone in his voice disgusted Peyton. He was so arrogant, it made her sick.

"You know what? I wouldn't count on that. Why don't you get one of your whores to go with you? Brooke, she's too good for you, too good to just be the trophy wife on your arm."

With that, Peyton slammed the phone into the receiver. She couldn't believe he'd had the nerve to call, feigning concern for his wife, all over some charity event. She looked over at Brooke who was biting her lip, holding back tears.

"You okay?" Peyton wrapped her arm around her.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just…I just hoped…you know?"

"Yeah, I know." Peyton pulled her in tight for a hug.

Brooke pulled away and wiped her eyes. "Don't waste tears on someone who wouldn't waste them over you right?"

"Right." Peyton happened to glance up at the clock. "Oh, Brooke, I'm sorry, but I have to go. My meeting at the gallery got pushed up. I was supposed to call Jake and see if he could get Jenny from school." Peyton walked over to the phone.

"I'll get her. Don't worry about it. It's really the least I can do."

"You're sure?"

Brooke nodded.

"Okay, you can pick her in front of the school at 3:00pm. They have this whole security thing if they notice someone who isn't a parent picking up one of the kids, so if they ask you for the code word its 'raven'."

Brooke laughed, "Of course it is. We'll be fine. I'll see you later."

Peyton nodded and rushed up the stairs to get ready. Brooke headed into the living room and turned on the television. She figured she might as well get lost in some stupid soap opera. It might help her forget about the drama in her own life.

Brooke heard Peyton leave and as soon as the door clicked shut behind her, Brooke sprung off the couch and padded into the kitchen. She opened the freezer and pulled out the vodka. Reaching up into a cupboard she grabbed a glass and retreated into the living room.

After a few glasses of vodka, Brooke dozed off in front of the television. She woke up a little later feeling a little groggy, but she figured some more vodka would help that. After a few more shots she was feeling better.

She flipped through the channels and realized nothing was on, so she opted for the only halfway decent movie on. Of course, that was Unfaithful. Shortly into it, her mind started racing.

That's when the anger starting setting in. She thought of Devon with all his women on the side. She thought about how he's been lying to her, always claiming to work late, like she wasn't smart enough to figure it out. She was mad at herself too, for sticking around as long as she did. She'd let him walk all over her. Peyton was right, she shouldn't have stood for it as along as she did.

Then, her anger shifted to someone else. Someone who'd hurt her a long time ago, and she'd never fully recovered. It was his fault, all of it. He was the reason she was where she was now. She stood up off the couch, deciding not take it anymore.

Brooke stomped over and grabbed the cordless phone from its cradle. Checking the phone list on the fridge, she hit speed dial #8. With each ring, she felt her anger growing.

"Peyton?"

Brooke couldn't believe it, he still sounded exactly the same.

"No, it's Brooke," she choked over the words, choked over her own name.

"Brooke? Ho- how are you?"

He sounded confused. Of course he was confused. Why was she calling him after all these years?

"I'm fan-fucking-tastic. I left my husband. He's been cheating on me. Actually, he's been cheating on me for a while, and I've just let him. You know why? Because of you. Because of the way you treated me a long time ago. I started to think that that was how I deserved to be treated, that I wasn't worth anything, that having guys cheat on me was okay. I mean, at least Devon didn't cheat on me with my best friend."

Lucas waited a moment before he spoke, not wanting to say anything he'd regret.

"I've apologized to you for that so many times Brooke, I could apologize again but it won't do any good, you already know I'm sorry. I made so many mistakes and I can't take them back. There's no way to take them back. You don't deserve to be treated badly though, you never did, not by me, not by anyone."

Brooke laughed coldly. "Yeah, well you didn't seem to feel like that at the time. This is your fault Lucas! All of it! I just wanted to let you know that. And I wanted to thank you. Thank you for making me feel so worthless that I settled for less than I deserved. Goodbye, Lucas."

Brooke hit the off button, a little shocked at what she'd done. While she'd dialed, she'd thought it would make her feel better, give her some kind of closure. But all it had done was make her feel bad. She knew he was sorry, she knew that he'd take it all back if he could. But somehow, it was just easier to get mad at somebody, to cause somebody else just one iota of the pain she felt.

Glancing at the clock, she knew she had to head out to get Jenny. As she stood she felt herself sway a little. Looking down, she saw the empty bottle of vodka lying on the floor. She grabbed it, and brought it outside with her. She walked to the side of the house and tossed it in the dumpster then headed to her car.

She cranked the music up on the way to Jenny's school. It was the only way to silence pain in her head. Once she pulled up to the parent pick up area, she turned the volume down and scanned the crowd of kids for Jenny.

Finally she spotted her, her long blonde hair held back from her face in headband. It never ceased to amaze Brooke how much Jenny looked like Peyton, even though she wasn't her birth mother. The blonde hair, the blue eyes … it was uncanny. Not to mention the clothing. Jenny had inherited both her father's and Peyton's love for Converse, not to mention Peyton's love for emo band shirts. Brooke swore that Jenny must be the only ten year old who knew every word to every single Dashboard Confessional song, including their first album which had been released before she was born.

Brooke honked the horn and caught Jenny's eye, she waved her over. Jenny signaled to a teacher that that was her ride. The teacher walked Jenny over. "Has Mrs. Jaglieski given you the password?"

"Raven," Brooke stated confidently.

"Okay Jenny. I'll see you tomorrow."

Jenny nodded and hopped in the passenger seat.

"How was your day, kiddo?"

Jenny frowned. Brooke's breath smelled funny. It smelled like her mom's breath sometimes did when Jenny was there on the weekends.

"It was good. I got in trouble, but don't tell Mom."

"What happened?"

"I kicked Bobby Newhart in the shin while we were playing kickball in gym. I didn't mean to, I swear…"

As she trailed off recounting details from her day, Brooke noticed a police officer driving behind her. She checked her speed and knew that she was fine.

She was shocked when, moments later, he began flashing his lights at her. She put on her blinker and pulled over to the side of the road.

Jenny looked over at her, worried. "Is everything okay Brooke?"

"Yeah, honey, everything is fine."

Brooke rolled down the window as the officer approached her. "Is everything okay, officer?"

"I just noticed you weaving in and out of the lane a little bit back there. Is everything okay ma'm?"

"Yes officer, everything is fine."

The office frowned as he smelled the alcohol on her breath.

"Have you been drinking ma'm?"

"I had a drink with lunch a couple of hours ago, but nothing since then. I'm just tired officer, I apologize. As soon as I get Miss Jenny here home, I'll take a nap."

Brooke bit her lip, hoping he'd buy the lie. She could tell that he wasn't. She smiled her patented dimpled smile and hoped that might do the trick.

"Okay ma'm, you head straight home and lay down. And I don't want to see anymore weaving, understood?"

Brooke nodded. "Thank you officer."

She couldn't believe that had happened. She really hadn't had that much to drink. God, if Peyton found out …

Brooke looked over at Jenny. "Jenny, I'd appreciate it if you kept this a secret, okay? I'll keep your secret about you kicking Bobby from Peyton and your Dad for you, and you keep this secret for me. Do we have a deal?"

Jenny nodded, even though something inside her told her that it wasn't the right thing to do.

"Good. Now let's get you home."

Later that night Peyton, stopped into Jenny's room to see how her homework was coming.

"Hey honey, you need any help?"

Jenny shook her head, but Peyton could sense that something was wrong.

"You were awfully quiet at dinner, is there something you want to tell me?"

Jenny knew that she had to trust the feeling inside her stomach, so she nodded.

"Brooke's breathe smelled funny, like Mom's sometimes does when I'm over there on the weekends. I figured it was a bad smell because Daddy always yells at her about it. And then, a police officer pulled us over, he said Brooke was weaving and he asked her she'd been drinking."

Anger swelled up in Peyton's chest. Brooke did have a problem, and Peyton wasn't going to be quiet about it any longer. Not after she'd endangered Jenny's safety.

"She didn't want me to tell you, so please don't tell her I did. She wanted me to keep it a secret," Jenny pleaded.

"Jen, remember when Daddy and I told you that secrets shouldn't be kept secret when someone might get hurt?"

Jenny nodded.

"Well this is one of those times. You were right to tell me. What Brooke did is very dangerous, both to you and to her. I have to talk to her about it, but she won't get mad at you, I promise."

Jenny nodded, not really believing her, but still, she could tell from Peyton's expression that she'd done the right thing.

Peyton stormed out of Jenny's bedroom and down the stairs to the family room where Brooke was watching television.

"Did you get pulled over for drunk driving this afternoon when you were driving Jenny home from school?" Peyton half-yelled, crossing her arms over her chest as she spoke.

"I can't believe she told you!" Brooke exclaimed.

"Seriously Brooke, are you really going to blame this on a ten year old? You're the one who drank and then got behind the wheel! This is your fault. I cannot believe you would do that! I mean, not only did you put yourself at risk, but you put my daughter at risk! Did you even think about that?"

"Oh sure, Saint Peyton, getting all righteous on me. First off, I hadn't had a drink in hours. Secondly, I was barely weaving, the cop must have been seeing things. Lastly, Jenny is not your daughter, she's Nikki's daughter, remember?"

Peyton's eyes widened with exasperation. "How dare you say that to me? I've been more of a mother to that girl than Nikki and you know that!" Peyton took a deep breath to calm herself a little. "I'm not going to let you turn this around somehow. We need to talk about this. You have a drinking problem, Brooke."

Brooke shook her head, "No I don't, and you know I don't. I mean come on, last night you were the one pouring the vodka into the glass and handing it to me. If I have such a problem, why would you do that?"

"I've been concerned about your drinking for a little while now, but then the other night at your party I thought everything was fine. I actually doubted myself and my instincts, but now, hearing this, I was right, you do have a problem. And I'm sorry if I somehow contributed to that by pouring the drinks last night, but I almost had myself convinced that you were fine. I was so wrong, Brooke! You aren't fine. You're getting worse."

Brooke stood up, wanting to be at eye level with Peyton so she'd no longer feel inferior.

"There are certain things I need to do to get through the day. It's not anything you would understand. I mean look at your life! You have a husband who adores you, a kid who worships the ground you walk on and an art career most would kill for. You can't understand what it's like for me Peyton, you just can't!"

"Then explain it to me Brooke, tell me about your life, tell me how you feel!" Peyton pleaded with her best friend. She wanted some kind of look into the life that Brooke felt she couldn't handle. She wanted to understand how it was that she thought drinking was the only solution.

Brooke thought for a minute, wondering how to put it all into words. Then she stopped herself. Why did she have to tell Peyton anything? She didn't owe her any kind of explanation. Brooke was a grown woman and she could make her own decisions.

Brooke mimicked Peyton and crossed her arms over her own chest. "I don't have to answer to you."

She spun on her heel, leaving the blonde standing in the middle of the room, speechless. Peyton was shocked at Brooke's behavior. In all the years they'd been friends, Peyton had always been able to get through to Brooke, no matter what. And now, well now she wouldn't tell her anything.

Peyton knew Brooke needed help. She also knew that Brooke wouldn't accept it from her. Peyton knew that if she couldn't get through to her, then there was only one person who could. It was risky though, bringing him back into her life, but Peyton knew that he was her last hope. Brooke needed help now, before it was too late.

Sitting down on the couch Peyton pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and flipped quickly through the phone book. Once she found his number, she hit send.

She listened as the phone rang once, twice, three times. Fearing it would go into voicemail and she wouldn't know what to say, she began to lower the phone from her ear, but then the voice on the other end stopped her.

"Peyton? Is that you?"

Peyton breathed a sigh of relief and nodded, as though he'd be able to see her.

"Are you there? Peyton?"

Finally she found her words again.

"Lucas, she needs your help."


	5. There You Are

**Author's note:** Okay guys, as promised, here's Lucas. Sorry for the delay in chapters, writing about Lucas was hard because I wanted to do it just right. I promise, the next update will be in the next week. Thanks to Cari, my beta, for being such a huge help! So, enjoy, and please, review and let me know what you think.

**Beta's note: **This story rawks, y'all. Make sure you review it!

There You Are

"Lucas, she needs your help." The words echoed over and over inside his head.

There was no need to ask who 'she' was, he knew it was Brooke. Peyton wouldn't call him sounding that desperate for anyone else. And Lucas knew if Peyton was calling him, then it was bad. If Peyton couldn't get through to her, then Lucas knew he was her only hope. Still, he wasn't sure if he could be that person for Brooke anymore, he just wasn't sure he was strong enough.

"What's going on?" Lucas figured he at least owed that much.

"She has a drinking problem."

At her blunt words, Lucas felt as though his heart was beating in his throat. He'd suspected she'd been drunk when she'd called earlier, but he never would have expected this. Not Brooke. Sure, she'd been a party girl back in her day, but then at the end of their junior year of high school, she'd started to change. She came into her own. She learned that she didn't need to hide behind the rich party girl illusion. Brooke finally realized that she was enough.

"How long has this been going on for?"

"I'm not sure, I'm guessing a couple of months though. That's when I first started to notice it. But honestly Luke, she's alone a lot, so maybe it's been going on much longer than I'd realized."

Lucas sighed. "Why is she alone so much? What about her husband?"

"It's really not my place to tell you all that."

"I know he cheats on her, Peyton. She called me earlier today. She didn't say it outright, but I could read through the lines."

Peyton's eyes widened in surprise. "She called you? What did she say?"

"She yelled at me for treating her the way I did. She said she blames me for where and what she is now. She said that it's my fault she feels so worthless."

"You know she didn't mean it. She was just upset. It's been a rough couple of days. She needs you Lucas; even I can't get through to her right now. We all need you, for Brooke."

Lucas reached up, scratched the back of his head, and shut his eyes. He wasn't sure he could go back down there. He wasn't sure he was ready. Lucas had his ghosts down in North Carolina, and he wasn't sure he was ready to deal with them yet. Even for her.

"I just don't know Peyton. I mean, she's so angry with me. She still blames me for everything. I don't think she'll want my help, not now, not after all this time."

Peyton could feel herself getting choked up, "I know it would be hard Lucas, I understand that. You know I wouldn't be calling if it wasn't absolutely necessary, but it is. She needs you!"

"I need to think about this. Just give me a little time, Peyton."

"Just remember that she doesn't have much time. She's on a downward spiral Luke, she's hovering above rock bottom and she needs to be pulled back."

"I understand Peyton, I do. I'll call tomorrow."

After he hit the end button on his cell phone, Lucas walked over and collapsed onto the oversized brown leather couch that took up most of his living room. He placed his elbows on his knees and, leaning over, he cradled his head in his hands, allowing his mind to race.

Part of him wanted to go to her so badly, wanted to wrap her in his arms and promise her that everything would be okay. He knew though that that was one promise he could never keep. He'd tried, all those years ago, and he still hadn't been able to make it all okay.

He remembered the day clearly. He'd brought Brooke to the river court and sat her down, looked her in the eyes, and told her that he had HCM.

Her eyes had filled with concern and fear, but then those emotions were quickly replaced with anger. She was furious with him for not telling her the truth sooner; he admitted that he'd been lying to her by omission about it for months. Brooke had given herself to Lucas completely for the second time, she'd been open and honest, and all she'd wanted was the same in return but he hadn't been able to deliver that. She told him she couldn't be with him anymore if she couldn't trust him. She stood up and walked away from the river court and away from him.

Lucas knew he couldn't keep her safe, not then and certainly not now. There was no way he could protect her from all that was wrong with the world.

Then it hit him, why should he feel that way? Why should he feel that he needed to protect her? After all, _she_ was the one who didn't need _him_. _She_ was the one who walked away from _him_. _She_ was the one who was married to someone else.

Lucas could feel the anger growing inside of him. He could still hear her voice, her biting words as though she was still on the phone with him. She blamed him. Brooke blamed him for where she was now. For being trapped now, for settling with a man who wasn't what she wanted. How dare she put that kind of blame on him?

Yes, he'd lied to her. He'd kept his heart condition a secret because honestly, he felt that he needed to protect her from the potentially painful truth, the truth that would shatter her perfect fantasies. They wouldn't be able to go off to college together, him as some big star on the basketball team and her there by his side, as the cheerleader. His cheerleader. He couldn't give her that dream. He couldn't make it a reality. So at the time, it seemed easier to protect her.

He stood up and began pacing throughout his apartment. The anger was growing inside of him and he wasn't sure how to stop it. It was then that he noticed something. The scrapbook that Haley had made for him when he'd gone off to college.

_He'd been packing furiously for the past hour. There were clothes and books strewn all about the room. Empty suitcases lay before him, no closer to being full than they were when he'd started the endeavor. He heard a knock on his door and then heard it creak open. Turning, he smiled as he saw her._

"_Hales, hey, what's going on? I figured you'd be packing."_

_Haley smiled. "Come on Luke, I've been packed for days. Nathan on the other hand..."_

"_When does your plane leave?"_

"_Five o'clock." Haley looked down at the ground as she said it, avoiding his glance. Leaving him was much harder than she'd ever thought it would be._

_Lucas and Haley had been best friends for as long as anyone could remember. They'd been inseparable for years. High school had changed that a bit, but the two friends still managed to always find the time for one another. Now though, everything would change. _

_Nathan and Haley were headed off to Stanford in California and Lucas was headed off to the University of Buffalo in upstate New York. So, not only would there be the entire country between him and his best friend, but also between him and his brother. Lucas wished they'd be closer in the coming years, but he was happy for Nathan and Haley nonetheless. As long as they were together and happy, Lucas could deal with whatever was necessary._

"_Anyways, I brought you something." Haley brought her arm out from behind her back and handed Lucas an album with a baby blue ribbon tied around it._

"_Hales, you didn't have to get me anything."_

"_It's no big deal. It's just a little something to remind you of where you came from. Open it, open it!" she prodded excitedly as she sat down next to him on the bed._

_He untied the ribbon and opened to the first page. It was a collage of photos from the crazy golf course he and Haley had built years ago on the roof of his mom's café. He smiled, remembering all that they'd shared up there._

_He continued on through the pages and looked over the memories from all the years past. There were pictures of him with the river court guys, photos of him and Haley throughout the years, and photos of him and his mother, at the café, at home, on various trips she'd taken Lucas and Haley on._

_Suddenly, the photos changed. They weren't centered on just Lucas, Haley and his mother anymore. There were different faces. He smiled at the numerous Ravens varsity basketball team pictures. There were quite a few of Lucas, Nathan and the rest of the team on the court. There were also pictures of them together, just the two of them, as brothers._

_He turned the page and there they were, the two girls who'd come into his life his junior year and changed him forever. One blonde, one brunette, and together with Haley, two of the most beautiful people he'd ever met, inside and out. _

_The picture captured their essence so well. Peyton, looking so much the part of the tortured artist, in her ripped jeans and emo top with her blonde hair curling wildly around her face. Then there was Brooke. Her brown hair cascading over her shoulders, her smile bright and her hazel eyes wide, as though she was trying to take in everything that was going on around her. There was a kind of certainty to Brooke, a certainty that Lucas didn't find in many other people, and one of the things he'd always loved about her._

_He'd cringed, his wounds still fresh from their recent break up, seeing her hurt him. It made him realize just how much he'd lost. He looked up from the book, trying to stop his heart from aching, so he could continue on._

_Haley could see the pain on his face. "I understand if you aren't ready to look at the rest yet."_

_Lucas nodded and closed the book._

"_You'll get there. Someday it'll be better. Someday you'll be able to flip through the pages and just smile. Someday Lucas, it won't hurt this much."_

Haley had been wrong. Eight years later he still hadn't been able to look past that page. Bending over, he pulled it up off the bookshelf. He walked over to the couch and sat down, took a deep breath, and opened the book.

He smiled as he flipped past the first few pages, the pages he'd been able to look at throughout the years and always smile at. Then he got to that page. Shutting his eyes, he mustered all his willpower and turned the page.

There they were. Her Broody and his Cheery, arms around each other, big smiles plastered across both their faces. It was after a Ravens game that Nathan hadn't been able to play because he'd cut school, and Lucas had had the game of his life. He could still remember how it felt when Brooke wrapped her arms around his neck and told him how proud she was of him.

The next pages were just as hard. There were photos of all of them together, photos of them in couples, and then random photos catching moments throughout their senior year. Any anger that Lucas felt was quickly replaced with longing.

He could remember so well the feeling of her arms around his neck. The feeling of her lips on his, the feeling of her underneath him when they'd made love. No one had felt the same since then.

Once he left for college, it had taken Lucas the better part of a year before he felt ready to date again. Then, over the course of college he dated many girls and had many girls in his bed, but there wasn't a single one of those girls that he let into his heart.

That was when it usually ended. They'd wanted more, they'd wanted him to open up, to be emotionally available to them, but he couldn't do it. He just couldn't bring himself to let them in that much, to let them know that much of him. They'd want to talk about past relationships, but Lucas could never do it. He could never bring himself to tell the tale of how he'd lost Brooke Davis all those years ago.

He couldn't believe the pain could still feel so real, the longing so persistent. Lucas had a great life. He had an amazing and fulfilling job. When he'd shared the truth about his heart condition he knew playing basketball was no longer a possibility. Lucas had feared that he'd never get to live out his dreams, but that wasn't how it turned out. His freshman year in college, Lucas took a sports medicine class and realized he had a real knack for it. Maybe he couldn't be a part of a basketball team on the court, but behind the scenes, many of the players depended on him.

Lucas had interned with the University at Buffalo men's basketball team, and after college, they'd hired him on full time. Then, one day, he got a phone call. The Knicks needed a trainer and Nathan had just happened to mention Lucas. They said it was a long shot, because he was just out of college and there were many more experienced trainers who had submitted resumes, but they'd give Lucas the chance. He'd hopped the next train down to New York City and met with the current training staff. He wasn't sure how, but they thought he might be the man for the job. There was one last hurdle. Lucas had to prove himself, and that chance came in one of the most important games of the year.

One of the star players had fallen and blown out his knee towards the end of the second half. He'd been brought back to the trainer's room where Lucas had examined him. He'd known right away that he'd torn every ligament in his knee. The player had pleaded for Lucas to give him a shot of something, anything, so that he could finish the game. Lucas had said no, he'd risk doing too much damage, the knee might be irreparable by then. He'd fought and pleaded with Lucas to just do it, just this once, but Lucas had said he couldn't, he was sorry but he was out of the game. And then Lucas had walked away, after telling him that he had to inform the coaches. It was right at that moment, when he'd proved his dedication to the long term safety of his players, that Lucas had gotten the job. Many other trainers would have given the shot and let the guy play, but not Lucas Scott.

He'd moved to New York City less than two weeks later. He'd found a roach-infested apartment in the middle of Chinatown and he'd saved every penny he made. A couple of years later, while walking down the street on the Upper East Side, he spotted an old teammate from Tree Hill. Tim Smith.

Lucas had never considered Tim a close friend, but Tim had always considered everyone to be his close friend, so at Tim's prodding, the two grabbed a drink. Tim talked the entire time, explaining how he'd recently fallen into a job modeling sportswear for a sporting goods company based out of Japan. And he meant literally fallen into it. He'd been at a sporting goods store trying on roller blades so he that he could "surf the park for the ladies." He'd bent over to tie the laces before realizing he was on a bit of an incline. Before he knew it, he was rolling backwards, gaining speed towards a huge tennis ball display. Knocking into it, the whole display tumbled down around him. Two men nearby had come over to see if he was okay, and he'd just shrugged and smiled a big goofy smile. It turned out they were in the marketing department for the company that sold those tennis balls. They said he had exactly the look they were going for. Apparently, dumb and goofy sold sporting gear.

Tim explained how he was heading out to Japan for six months to do some shoots. Then he went on to vent his frustration as to how he was having a hard time finding someone to sublet his apartment while he was gone, he wanted to find some "hot chick who he could imagine walking around his apartment naked," but wasn't having any luck. Lucas hadn't seen the inside, but judging from the outside and the neighborhood, he knew this was an opportunity he couldn't pass up. Luckily, Tim had agreed with him. The next week Lucas moved in. Lucas knew the apartment was way beyond Tim's means, but he never questioned it, just paid him the rent and enjoyed it.

Right before the six months were up, Tim called Lucas, explaining he'd be living in the Japan permanently now because he'd met some woman. Again, Lucas didn't question him, actually, he could imagine Tim alongside some petite Japanese woman, the language barrier probably worked in Tim's favor in that case. Tim offered Lucas the apartment, and the next day, over the fax machine, they sealed the deal with the landlord.

Lucas finally felt as though he'd arrived. He had a great job, a great apartment, and Haley and Nathan were right nearby. Still though, he had a nagging feeling that something was missing.

Lucas leaned back on the couch and shut his eyes, finally allowing memories of her to rush over him. He remembered the first time they'd talked; she'd been naked in the backseat of his car. He remembered her the night Peyton had been drugged at a frat party and he'd gone to pick them up, the look of raw fear and genuine concern for her best friend. It was then that Lucas had been so drawn in. He saw there was more to Brooke than met the eye and he couldn't wait to learn more. He remembered the look on her face, months later, when he told her he needed to be alone to heal, when what he really meant was that he wanted to be alone with Peyton. He remembered her face when he'd told her wanted to be with her that summer, and the look of confusion and pain when she'd had to walk out that door and get on the plane to California. He remembered her face when he finally told her he loved her. Then, he remembered her face when he told her about the HCM. He remembered the look of disbelief, of mistrust, the look of disappointment in her eyes. He had caused all of that.

It was then that he knew he had to go to her. She was right, in a sense. Maybe where she was today was his fault. If he hadn't lied to her, then maybe things would be different. Maybe she'd be living in New York with him, pursuing her fashion career. Maybe they'd be married and starting a family. Just … maybe.

He knew what he had to do, and picking up the phone, he dialed, feeling as though he was finally doing the right thing for the time in years.

ooooOoooo

Brooke, Peyton, Jake and Jenny sat around the dinner table, the tension surrounding them thick. Brooke was still furious at Peyton for accusing her of being a drunk. Peyton was furious at Brooke for endangering Jenny's life. Jake was just confused. He knew that something big had happened, but Peyton hadn't yet clued him in all the way. And Jenny sat there, avoiding Brooke's eyes. She still felt bad for telling her mom Brooke's secret. They attempted to engage in conversation, but it had all been forced and they quickly surrendered all efforts.

The phone rang and momentarily lifted the hold the tension had on the room. Jake leapt up to get it, ignoring his own rule of not answering the telephone during dinner. At that moment, he'd do anything to escape the dining room.

"Hello?"

"Jake, it's Devon. I know Brooke's there. I really need to talk to her."

"Uh, hang on. Let me see if Peyton's around, maybe she'll know something." Jake thought it best to hand this over to Peyton, he wasn't really sure exactly what was going on and he didn't want to say something he shouldn't.

Walking into the dining room, the three girls surrounding the table looked up at him.

"It's Devon. Do you want to talk to him, Brooke?"

All color rushed from Brooke's face, but she nodded. She excused herself from the table and walked into the kitchen.

"Devon?"

"Brooke. It's about time I got a hold of you."

Brooke said nothing, waiting for more, waiting for an 'I miss you,' an 'I love you,' or an 'I've been worried about you.' But of course, none of that came.

"Well I've been staying at Peyton's. I just needed some time."

Brooke felt she didn't even owe him even that much of an explanation.

"I assumed. Anyway, I'm headed out to San Diego to take care of some business. I'll be gone for about a month. I just wanted to let you know so that you could come home. I understand you need time, and I guess I do too. We need to talk, but I think that having this time apart might provide us with some clarity and make that conversation easier."

Brooke remained silent. His tone was odd, cordial, but almost forced. It was as though there wasn't any feeling behind his words. They were just empty.

"Anyway," Devon continued. "I'm taking the redeye out tonight, so I'll be out of the house by ten."

"Thank you." It was all she could muster.

They both stood there, silent, for a minute. Neither hung up, but neither dared to say another word. Finally, Brooke pulled the phone away from her ear and ended the call.

When she entered the dining room, all eyes were glued to her.

"He's going away for a month. I'll be going home tonight." With that she sat back down at the table and picked at her food some more.

When she walked into her house that night, she was finally able to breathe a sigh of relief. It felt good to be home. It felt even better to be there by herself, to not have to answer to anyone, to not have to worry about what anyone else thought about her life and what she was doing.

Trudging up the stairs, her suitcases in tow, she vowed to use this next month wisely. She would get all of her affairs in order so she'd know exactly what her options were, and what she stood to lose if she chose a divorce.

As much as Brooke was certain divorcing him was the right thing to do, she wasn't completely convinced. There were too many 'what ifs,' too many loose ends, too much personal risk. After all, they'd had some good times. And this was nice of him, letting her know he'd be gone so that she could go back home.

Walking into the bed room she hoisted her luggage up on her bed and began unpacking, debating her choices the entire time. She walked into the closet to dump an armful of dirty clothes into her hamper when she saw it, peeking out from underneath the bed. A dark blue lace thong. Brooke didn't recognize it as her own, in fact she was sure it wasn't. She didn't own any lingerie in that color. She tried to recall what day it was. Wednesday. The housekeeper came on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, so the owner of the panties must have left them there either the night before or that day, otherwise the housekeeper would have tossed them into the laundry.

Brooke just shook her head with a dry chuckle. That, right there, cleared up any lingering doubts. Devon had had at least one woman in their house, in their bed, while Brooke had been gone. Brooke was done. They were done. She'd call Haley the next day and get legal advice.

After she finished unpacking, she had a shower and made her way downstairs. Flipping through the channels, she finally settled on a movie. A little way into the movie, she headed into the kitchen, figuring a bowl of popcorn would be just the thing. While the popcorn was popping, Brooke walked over towards the wine cellar, but was interrupted by the doorbell.

She wondered who it could be at this time. Tightening her bathrobe around her, she headed towards the front door. She peered out the glass and couldn't believe her eyes. Thinking her eyes must be playing tricks on her, she opened the door, determined to see if it really was him on the other side.

"Hi, pretty girl."


	6. One Day At A Time

**Author's note:** Well here it is, Brucas. Again, another tough chapter, because I wanted to get it just right. I knew that this chapter, their first time being in the same room together in years, they would go through every emotion possible, and I tried to capture that. Thanks to Jess who gave me the last little tidbit to really make this work. The poem that comes later on in this chapter is by Emily Matthews, it's one of my favorites. So, as always, please review, let me know what you think!

Chapter 6- One Day At A Time

As she opened the door and came into view, he felt a rush of emotions wash over him. Standing before him was the girl he'd never stopped loving all these years. He'd tried to deny it, tried to say that he was over her, but standing there looking at her again, he knew that he loved her, just as much as he always had.

For the most part, Brooke looked the same. She now wore her hair longer than in high school, and it cascaded over her shoulders in waves. He suspected she had just been relaxing in front of the television or something, because she was wearing nothing but a pink terry cloth bathrobe. The robe was short though, and it took every thing Lucas had to make sure his eyes didn't linger too long on her long and shapely legs.

After taking her all in, he let his focus drift to her eyes, the windows to her soul. He was disappointed to see that they were now vacant and almost devoid of feeling. It looked as though all the life had been sucked out of her.

"Hi, Pretty Girl."

Brooke was paralyzed with shock. She couldn't believe he was actually standing there, only a few feet away from her. It was then that she realized just how long it had been since she'd actually been face to face with him, and that made her heart ache. She'd seen him a couple times over the years, especially at the end of their senior year, but she hadn't been in close proximity to him since the day he told her about the HCM.

He did look good though, she couldn't deny that. He'd had the good sense to foresee the hot and mugginess of North Carolina in August and he'd dressed appropriately, clad in khaki cargo shorts and a simple tee shirt. His head was shaved, as she remembered it being during part of their junior year. It was clear he hadn't shaved in a couple of days, as there was a dusting of a beard growing on his face. It was as though the years had barely changed him.

"What are you doing here Lucas?" She crossed her arms over her chest, her tone defensive. She wasn't sure exactly how to react, so her instincts took over and all she could think about was not letting him in, to her home, and he heart.

Lucas looked at the ground, knowing the truth would only anger her, but also knowing that lying to her would be the worst thing he could do. He'd made that mistake one too many times and would never make it again.

"Peyton called me."

Brooke's face reddened, partly due to embarrassment and partly to anger. She opened her mouth to speak, but then realized she didn't owe him anything. Grabbing the door, she glared at him, and she pushed the door shut.

Lucas reacted quickly and reached out to stop the door from slamming shut in his face.

"You can slam this door in my face, Brooke, but I'll just keep knocking."

"You'll get tired eventually," she said, shrugging her shoulders, as she pushed the door shut once again.

And again, he reached out and stopped it.

"Then I'll sit down right here on this stoop and take a nap. But you can bet when I'm awake, I'll just continue knocking."

Brooke reached for the door again, but this time she pushed it opened and walked away, an unspoken gesture that he knew meant he could enter.

"I wouldn't want the neighbors to talk," she called out over her shoulder as her bare feet padded against the marble floor, heading towards the living room.

Lucas grabbed his bags and walked into her expansive entryway. Her house was amazing. His eyes widened as he tried to take it all in while he followed her through the kitchen and into the living room. This house screamed Brooke. It was obvious that she'd done the decorating on her own.

Brooke sat down on the plush cream suede couch. Lucas took a seat on the love seat opposite her.

Brooke looked up at him and crossed her arms over her chest, "What did Little Miss Faux-di-locks tell you that got you so worried you had to come all the way down here?"

"I think you know."

Brooke averted her eyes. "Well she's full of it. I don't have a drinking problem. Yes, I do enjoy my wine, but that's the extent of it."

"Peyton told me about you getting pulled over with Jenny in the car."

"It was all a misunderstanding."

Her attitude was so blasé that he knew Peyton was right, she did have a problem, and it was clear that she wasn't going to just admit it. Lucas knew this wasn't going to be easy.

"A misunderstanding? Not to Peyton. She was pretty upset when I talked to her."

Brooke just stared at him, unsure as to what to say. She wanted to deny it, but then a small part of her feared he may leave, and try as she might she couldn't truly say she wanted him to go. Having him there made her feel calm in a way, like maybe the world wasn't so bad. But she wasn't about to let him know that.

She sat there looking at him, hoping that words would find her. None did, and they just sat there in silence, neither knowing exactly what to say.

He drew in a deep breath before speaking. Lucas knew that launching into this conversation was like lighting a match to a stick of dynamite, but he hadn't traveled all this way to sit opposite her in silence. He needed to get inside, find out what was really going on, and convince her to let him help.

"You told me he cheats on you Brooke. When did that start?"

She didn't want to answer. She didn't want to talk about it because she knew she would break down, and she couldn't let him see that. He couldn't see her weak. The old Brooke was weak, but not now, now she could stand on her own two feet. Still, she knew that she'd have to tell him sometime. He had made it clear that he wasn't going to just go away.

"About a year ago. It really isn't that big of a deal Lucas, I mean really, it's all I've ever known. I've had two major relationships in my life and that was you and Devon, and look, you both cheated. I thought he was different, but it wasn't long before he proved me wrong."

Lucas cringed as she spoke. Her words were filled so filled with anger.

"God Brooke, that was so long ago. I know I hurt you, I know that and I hate myself for it, but you can't hate me forever."

"I don't know Lucas, I think that you might be wrong there, I think it might actually be possible that I could hate you forever."

Brooke looked into his eyes as she spoke, and she realized that she could still tell exactly what he was feeling just from the look in his eyes. And now, she knew he was hurting, probably not as much as she was, but hurting nonetheless. She knew she'd caused him that hurt, it was her words that made him feel that way, and even though she knew it was wrong, she wouldn't take them back.

Lucas wasn't sure what to say. Sitting there in such close proximity without being able to wrap his arms around her was just about killing him. He could tell she was hurting just by looking at her, and her words made it only that much more evident, but he knew that if he tried to touch her she'd push him away. He had to find a way to get her to trust him enough to let him in.

"If that's really true, if you really could hate me forever, then it's a shame. I know that the way things ended with us sucked, but I've always hoped that we'd be able to be friends."

"Friends!" she yelled, throwing her hands up in exasperation. "We aren't friends Lucas! We haven't been in years, if we ever really were at all. A friend would have kept in touch. A friend would have picked up the phone and called a time or ten in the last eight years. A friend wouldn't have to sit here asking about my life because they'd already know. You're no friend Lucas. You're just the boy that destroyed me."

Her words were so harsh and biting that they took away his breath. Still though, there wasn't hatred behind the words, had there been, he'd have gotten up and walked away.

"I did pick up the phone Brooke, not one or two times, not even ten times. Try hundreds of times. I'd dial but I'd never be able to punch in all the numbers. I was always so afraid of what you'd say, of what you'd do. So no, maybe I never called, but I tried, you have to believe that. I tried but I was just so scared."

"Is that supposed to earn you points or something Lucas?" she questioned. "The fact that you tried to call but never did, does that somehow make up for all those years?"

"I never said it did, I was just telling you that I wanted to be there, I wanted to be a part of your life. And you say that I destroyed you? Well, watching you walk away from the river court that day destroyed me. I haven't been able to let another girl in since, no matter how much I wanted to or how hard I tried."

Brooke just sat there stunned. All these years and he hadn't let another girl in? She couldn't believe it. She'd always imagined him with all these girlfriends, each more fabulous than the previous. She'd imagined him loving other girls the way she'd felt he'd never been able to love her.

"You never let me in Lucas, not all the way, and you know it. You always kept a part of your heart guarded. I never knew why, I never asked why, I just accepted it."

As she spoke her eyes began to flood with tears. Sitting there with him like that, talking about the past, it made her feel as though she was there again, standing before him begging him to let her in.

He saw her eyes cloud with tears and he got up off the love seat and sat next to her on the couch.

"I don't know why either, Brooke, but not letting you in, not being totally honest with you and giving you all of myself, to this day is still the biggest mistake I've ever made. I want to make up for that, Brooke; I want to make up for all the mistakes. I want to be here for you. I want to help you through whatever it is that causes you to drink."

Brooke just sat there, shaking her head, tears running down her cheeks, eyes affixed on the ground before her. "Peyton was wrong, I don't have a problem."

Lucas reached out and, placing one hand underneath her chin lifted her face so that her eyes met his. "I don't think she is Brooke. I really don't think she is. Peyton isn't one to jump the gun like that. I think that if she's worried enough to call me, to ask me to put aside all of the emotions I've pushed away for so long, then yes there is a problem."

"There is no problem. Yes, things have been rough, and maybe I have been drinking more than usual, but it's just helping me to escape. I don't have a problem."

"That's not what that police officer or Jenny seemed to think."

Brooke rolled her eyes. "That was one incident, Lucas. Can you honestly tell me that you've never had one too many and gotten behind the wheel of a car?"

"Not with my best friends' child in the passenger seat, no."

"Well I'm sorry St. Lucas; I guess I'm not as righteous as you."

Lucas shook his head. "Whatever, Brooke. Stop making excuses for it and just admit that you need help. Admit it and let me help you Brooke, let me be there for you."

Brooke's eyes widened as she sprung from the couch. She looked down at him, gesturing wildly as she spoke. "Oh, so now all of a sudden you want to be there for me? All of a sudden you want to help me? Where were you through all the years, why weren't you there then? Why weren't you there when I needed someone?"

"I was always here Brooke."

Brooke crossed her arms over chest, "You were always here huh? Well what about at my college graduation? It was one of my biggest accomplishments and you weren't there then. Tell me Lucas, where were you that day?"

"I was there," he spoke softly, almost in a whisper.

"What?"

"I was there Brooke; I was at your graduation," he spoke louder this time, almost as though he was defending his answer. He stood up, facing her, staring straight into her eyes.

She looked at him curiously. He had been there? Why hadn't he said anything, at least said hi? Why would have come all that way and not said hi?

"What about my wedding?"

"I was there."

Shaking her head she lowered her hands to her hips. "Nope, sorry, I don't believe you on this one. There's no way you were there. I didn't invite you, I couldn't invite you. So how did you even know?"

"Peyton told me. She told me the date, where it was, everything. She knew you wanted me there but probably couldn't bring yourself to put the invite in the mail. I knew she was right, I knew you wanted me there. So I came."

"Peyton knew you were there and she didn't tell me? Ooooh, I'm going to…"

Lucas interrupted her. "I told her not to tell you. I didn't want you to know. But I was there. I snuck into the church after you'd already walked down the aisle. I watched you marry him, Brooke. I watched you take your vows, and I swear, when they announced you as Mr. and Mrs. Devon Nilson, my heart broke all over again Brooke. It was then, at that moment, that I knew I had really lost you."

"What do you mean lost me? You lost me years before that Lucas."

"No I didn't, not really. I couldn't let you go. Yeah, you were gone, but my heart hadn't let you go, not all the way. I'd always imagined that you and I would end up together, even after we broke up, but then, it was like that fantasy was gone, it was like I finally realized our time had passed."

"Luke." Brooke reached out to him, but he cringed away from her touch.

"No Brooke, I need to get this out. Let me get this out."

He looked to her and she nodded, letting him know she was listening.

"I'd always thought that that would be me. I always imagined that you'd be walking down the aisle to me, saying your vows to me, promising to love me for all eternity. But then I knew. I knew that it wasn't going to be that way, that you'd chosen him, you'd chosen someone else. It hurt like you wouldn't imagine and I knew it would, but for some reason I still had to see it. That night, I imagined his hands on you, touching every part of your body, giving you pleasure, God Brooke, it made me sick. But still, that wasn't the worst part of it, not even close. You want to know what was, what the worst part still is?" He looked up at her, seeing she was slowly nodding, "I should have objected, because I did object Brooke. I knew that you weren't doing the right thing, but I couldn't say it, I couldn't muster the confidence to just stand up and object. That's the worst part, because if I had, well then now we wouldn't be sitting here like this with you hurting and me begging you to let me help. We wouldn't be here, if I'd only been able to object."

Brooke just stood there, looking at him, processing everything he'd just said. She tried to find the words to really express what she was feeling, but she couldn't. She wanted to say something to let him know how what he'd said made her feel, but she couldn't find those words either. So, she asked another question, one she really already knew the answer to.

"And my store, the day it opened?" She asked softly.

"Who do you think left you that framed poem?"

"_I'm so proud of you B. Davis-Nilson," Peyton exclaimed as she pulled Brooke into a tight hug. "This is amazing, you're amazing."_

"_Awww, thanks P. Sawyer-Jagielski," she laughed as she spoke; it sure was easier back in the days when they had just one last name._

"_I'll talk to you tomorrow?"_

"_Of course." _

_Peyton waved as she walked away, and Brooke smiled. She'd done it, she'd finally done it. The grand opening party had been a hit. As promised, the media had shown up and she knew to expect a rave review in the paper the next morning. Turning, she looked over her store once more letting the feeling of accomplishment wash over her once more. Then, something caught her eye over near the cash register. _

_She walked over and eyed it. It was a huge present, wrapped in pretty blue and purple paper with a purple ribbon. She looked for a card or a tag, but there wasn't one._

_Kneeling before it she tore off the paper. It was a poem, bordered by a beautiful floral pattern and framed. She read through the poem, her eyes filling with tears at each beautiful word:_

_One Day At A Time_

_Whatever the goal we're pursuing_

_No matter how rugged the climb_

_We're certain to get there by trying our best_

_And taking one day at a time_

"_Forever" is hard to imagine_

"_The future" may seem far away_

_But every new dawn brings a wonderful chance_

_To do what you can on that day_

_As she read it she got the oddest feeling. Almost as though calm had washed over her. The words brought her solace. They calmed her fears. But most importantly, made her feel less alone._

_Walking over to the cash register, she rummaged in a near by drawer and unearthed a nail. Grabbing a hammer from the same drawer, she pounded the nail into the wall right behind the cash register and hung the poem. She wanted it to be right there, in the middle of everything. Even though she didn't know who or where it was from, she knew that that person knew her so well that they knew just the words she needed. Having the poem there made her feel as though that someone was watching over her._

_She walked around to the other side of the register, where all of her customers would stand, and she took in the poem again. Smiling, she knew that it completed it, now her store was perfect._

As she allowed the memory to take over, her expression softened. Some of the anger and hardness melted away. "I can't believe that was you. God Lucas, it was beautiful, it was perfect."

"Just because I couldn't always be there, or let you know I was there, doesn't mean that I wasn't always thinking about you, Brooke. It was always there. You were always there. I fought it for years, but it never went away. Now I can be here and I can help. Please let me help you, Brooke. I owe you that. I can't bear to know that you're hurting, that you're hurting yourself. Let me help you, Brooke, please let me help you."

The entire time he pleaded, he didn't take his eyes away from hers. It was like no matter how far apart they stood from one another, if their eyes met they were one. There was something between them, something that neither could deny.

"I can't let you help Lucas, I just can't." Shaking her head she backed away from him a little.

Lucas reached out and put a hand on either arm, pulling her back, closer to him. Her skin tingled as he touched her, the sensation shooting throughout her body. "Why not, Brooke?"

Brooke bit her lip and shook her head, fighting off the tears that were threatening to overtake her.

"Brooke, just tell me."

Brooke looked away from his eyes, up at the ceiling, as she spoke. "Because then I have to admit I need help, then I have admit that I have a problem. Then I have to admit I need you, and I just don't know if I can let myself need you again."

"It's okay to need help, Brooke, that's why I'm here, why Peyton's here, Haley, Nathan, all of us. We're here to help; you just have to let us. And Brooke, trust me when I say this, I won't walk away again. If you let yourself need me, I'll be right here, I promise you that."

As he spoke she looked back into his eyes, into those baby blue eyes. She swore, she could look into them and just know everything he was thinking, everything he was feeling. And at that moment, she knew that he was there, he meant every word he said, and that he really did want to help.

Brooke kept looking; she kept looking into those eyes, willing herself to get lost in them. Then, before she even realized what she was doing, she stood on tiptoe, and softly placed her lips on his.


	7. The Space Between

**Author's note:** Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out, I've been swamped with the 911 board. Thanks to Lori for beta'ing at the last minute and to Ella for her help. I promise I will get these chapters done faster. Flashbacks are written in italics. Enjoy

Chapter 7- The Space Between

She looked over at him. His chest, rising softly with each breath he drew in. She wondered what he was dreaming of, who he was dreaming of. She knew that there had once been a time where she was the focal point of all his dreams, but she knew that that time had passed long ago. She wondered who it was now.

Each time she looked at him she felt electricity course through her body, just as she'd felt when she opened the door and saw him standing there the night before. He did something to her, with as much as a glance, and it made her knees weaken. Last night he looked her over, from head to toe, and she'd been able to feel his eyes on her, as though they penetrated right through her skin.

Yes, she'd been angry at first, angry that he'd just shown up, claiming he was there to help. She tried to hold on to the anger, tried to shut him out, but he made her cave.

It was the confession that he'd been there at her wedding, that he'd been there at her store opening, that he'd been there for every important day in her life, even though she thought he wasn't. He never let go, _never_.

Rolling onto her back, she shut her eyes, willing sleep to take over again, willing dreams of him to take her far away from the life she so desperately felt the need to escape from.

He rolled over onto his side and looked at her. She looked so peaceful. But, even though her eyes were closed, he still knew what lie behind them. He knew the hurt she'd been feeling, the anger she had, he knew that she felt as though her world was crumbling at her feet. He hoped he could save her, but he knew that he had to keep his distance. He couldn't let himself get sucked in, he was there to help her, not to fall in love with her all over again.

Last night he'd been tested. He felt her lips on his and he wanted to cave so badly. He wanted to take her and make love to her, show her that love was not dead, that his love was not dead, but he couldn't.

_She leaned on her toes and softly pressed her lips against his. He reciprocated the kiss and within seconds it deepened. He prodded his tongue against her lips, begging entrance. She conceded and he explored her mouth. He couldn't believe that after all those years, kissing her still felt exactly the same. _

_He had to stop it though, not only was her head not in the right place, but she was married. So placing a hand on each arm, he slowly eased her away._

_Her big brown eyes looked up at him, seeking an explanation._

"_I'm sorry Brooke, it's just not right."_

_Almost instantly her eyes glazed over with anger again. She stormed away from him. He knew she felt rejected, he knew it hurt her, but he couldn't let anything happen between them. Not now._

_He heard her rush up the stairs and he sat down for a minute to catch his breath. Then, glancing at the clock he realized how late it was and realized he better head back to his hotel._

_He made his way up the stairs to say good night, even though he knew she was angry. He didn't want to just skulk away. He passed a few doors until he came to her bedroom. She sat there, legs pulled up into her chest, in the middle of her bed. She looked up at him and their eyes met, neither knowing what to say to diminish the awkwardness of what had just happened._

_They stood in silence for a few minutes before he broke the trance, "I'm exhausted, I'd better get back to the hotel."_

_Brooke fiercely shook her head, "No, you can stay here."_

"_Brooke…" He began to protest._

"_Please Lucas, stay with me. Please make me feel safe."_

_He looked at her and knew that there was nothing else in the world he'd rather do. He knew it would be a struggle for her to let him in, but tonight she was willing to let him in a little and he knew he had to take this opportunity. Sure, he realized that in the morning her anger would return, but for that moment she needed him and admitted it. So he nodded, and walked over to her. They both collapsed on the king size bed, and within minutes, sleep had taken over._

He knew that pushing her away was the best thing for both of them, but he couldn't help feeling some kind of longing. But now, he had to put that aside, and he had to focus on proving to her that he was there to do nothing but help her, if she'd only let him. The physical part was easy for them, it always had been, and he had to make sure that they didn't resort to that. He needed her to let him in all the way, not just into her bed.

She awoke again a little later and looked over to where he laid just hours before, it was empty. She trudged into the bathroom to run some cold water over her face and then headed down stairs.

He stood there in the kitchen, attempting to figure out the complex coffee maker. As soon as Brooke caught site of him she stopped. It was eerie how right the image of him in her kitchen was. She had to fight every urge she had to walk up behind him and wrap her arms around him. How was it that after all these years it could still feel so right?

Then she remembered last night, remembered him pushing her away. She felt so ashamed, so embarrassed, why had she done that? Why had she kissed him? She needed to feel something again, she needed to know that her heart could still feel, and it could. Now though, rather than hurt, all she felt was longing.

She stood behind him and cleared her throat. He turned and smiled at her.

"I've been trying to figure out this beast of a coffeemaker for about half an hour now and I've had no luck."

Brooke just shrugged and walked over to him. She reached into the cabinet above the coffeemaker and grabbed a filter, pressed some buttons on the contraption, popped in the filter, and within minutes the aroma of fresh brewing coffee filled the kitchen.

"I'm not usually much of a breakfast person, but I'll make some eggs or something for you if you want." She stated her voice devoid of feeling.

He nodded and sat down at the table, watching her busy herself in preparing his breakfast.

"Brooke, I'm…"

"Lucas don't." She interrupted. "I don't want to talk about it."

"I just…"

"I said no Lucas. It's over. Nothing happened. It's a good thing. Can we just move past it?"

She didn't turn his way as she spoke. She seemed so detached herself from her words. It reminded him of the day where everything she said she said with excitement. The Brooke he knew in high school was a stark contrast from the Brooke he was now attempting to become reacquainted with.

"Sure Brooke, if that's what you want."

"Thank you. Now, I have a lot to do today. You're welcome to tag along if you want, or you can go and hang out with Peyton. She usually paints during the day but she's usually happy to have the company. It's your call."

"I'll come with you. I want to see your life Brooke, I want to see what it's like."

She turned to face him finally. "Lucas, I'll let you see my day, see my life. I'll let you in my bed, but that's all you're going to get."

He nodded in understanding, knowing that he'd have to fight like hell to see what was in her heart.

As soon as she heard the blast of the shower she dashed over to the phone and frantically dialed.

"Hello?"

"Why in God's name would you call him? I told you, I'm fine."

"You aren't fine and you won't let me help. I can't get through to you Brooke. I've tried. Please Brooke, just let him help you."

Peyton bit her lip, expecting a tongue lashing.

"I'll let him help me."

Peyton audibly breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'll let him fix the leaky toilet at the boutique. I'll let him carry in my groceries. Hell, I'll even let him help me with inventory if he feels so inclined, but Peyton?"

"Yeah?"

"Mark my words, I will not let him help fix whatever it is you think is broken because there's nothing. I'm not broken. Is that clear?"

"Yes Brooke, it's clear."

"Good." Brooke hissed.

With that she hung up. She'd hope to feel some resolution, feel that she released some of her anger, but she felt just the opposite. She felt even angrier and she wasn't sure why.

Making her way up the stairs Brooke decided to have a quick shower before they began for the day.

After toweling off, Lucas threw on a pair of shorts and a t shirt and made his way downstairs to wait for Brooke. He made his way into the sitting room and noticed a row of pictures on a ledge over the fireplace.

He looked over them. The first few were happy, Brooke and Devon on vacation, Brooke and Devon right after he proposed, it was evident from her beaming smile and the shining diamond on her ring finger. There was a picture from what looked like Christmas, Brooke was holding up some bag that Lucas was certain was designed by one of the designer she claimed she couldn't live without.

Then, there was their wedding picture. The image of her in her wedding dress was forever ingrained in Lucas' memory, she looked amazing, like an angel. Somehow, that picture failed to capture all of her beauty.

The next picture was drastically different. Yes, it was of Brooke and Devon. Yes, Brooke looked beautiful. Yes, Brooke had a smiled plastered across her face, but that was just it, it was plastered. It was blatantly fake, nothing more than an attempt to look happy. They were dressed to the nines, Lucas assumed for some charity function or something, and Devon's arms were wrapped around Brooke, but something wasn't right. Lucas focused in on the picture more and then realized what it was. It was her eyes, they were filled with sadness. Sure she was smiling, but only on the surface. It was as if she was attempting to create an illusion, and he knew that she was, and that to everyone else besides him and perhaps Peyton, it was an effective illusion. To Lucas, he could see through the illusion, through the image of the smiling couple, and see a woman that was slowly dying inside.

"You ready?"

Her voice tore him from his thoughts back to reality.

"Yeah, I'm ready." He took one last glance at the photograph and then turned to follow her out of the house.

Hours later they returned back to the house, both exhausted. Brooke exhausted from a couple of issues at the boutique and from running errands all day and Lucas exhausted from trying to get Brooke to talk to him. Each time she shut up as soon as she realized what he was doing. He couldn't help but think that maybe it was pointless. Maybe she would never let him in.

"You hungry?" She asked him as she started rifling through the refrigerator.

"Starved."

"What about chicken cordon bleu?"

Lucas nodded, "Sounds great."

Brooke busied herself with the task of preparing dinner as Lucas helped by setting the table and making a fresh salad. They seemed to both be lost in their respective tasks, but in reality each were deep in thought.

Brooke couldn't get over how normal it felt to be standing there with him, making dinner. Devon never helped with dinner, he just expected it on the table when he came home. But with Lucas helping, it made her feel like she was actually part of something.

Lucas was watching Brooke closely, wondering if she'd crack open a bottle of wine with dinner. His first instinct was no, that she wouldn't do it to save herself from questioning. But then as he thought about it more, he realized that she probably would, just to challenge him, to dare him to say something about it.

Lucas finished with the salad and washed his hands.

"I'm going to run upstairs and change. I'll be back down in a few."

Brooke nodded, "I'll call when dinner is ready."

Lucas took off for the stairs. Brooke listened to his footsteps as he slowly climbed the stairs and then listened harder until she heard the door to one of the guest rooms close. She rushed over to the freezer and rummaged around a little, finally surfacing a bottle of vodka. Grabbing a glass she filled it halfway and quickly brought it to her lips. She felt as though she finally caught her breath, for the first time all day, when she felt the vodka quickly warm her insides. A calm washed over her and she felt herself relaxing.

Brooke had always loved that about vodka, the way it calmed her. It was amazing to her how when the cool liquid first entered her mouth it was so cold, the chill from the freezer evident, but once it traveled through her it warmed her throughout. There was nothing else like it.

After checking on the chicken she decided it was almost done and she poured herself another glass of vodka. She drank this one even faster, hoping for the same effects as her first drink, they quickly came and she knew she would be able to make it through dinner now.

Brooke pulled the chicken from the oven and dished it onto Lucas' and her plates. She noticed that Lucas had gotten out wine and water glasses, so she ventured into the wine cellar to get a nice white wine to go with their meal.

Brooke knew what he was doing, he was daring her to drink. Well, she'd show him. She'd drink, but only a glass, two at the most, just to prove that she had no problem whatsoever.

She laughed to herself a little. She couldn't believe how well he still knew her and her him. Throughout the day it had felt as though the years just melted away, as though they'd never been apart. It was scary actually, how normal it all felt.

Still, she managed to keep him at a distance. He'd tried quite a few times during the day to broach the topic of her unhappiness or her drinking, but she'd skillfully changed the subject each time. She knew that he knew what she was doing, and that made her even more pleased with her success.

After choosing a nice bottle of Riesling, Brooke headed back upstairs to the kitchen. She caught sight of the vodka she'd left on the counter and rushed over to stash it back in the freezer.

Just as she shut the freezer door she heard him walk into the kitchen.

"Perfect timing."

She exclaimed as she turned to face him.

"I just dished it up."

He nodded and followed her to the table.

"Wine?"

"Sure."

Lucas eyed her curiously as she poured each of them a cup, not at all surprised by her actions.

"This looks great Brooke."

"Thanks." She said as she returned to her seat.

The two began to eat in silence, each ravenous from their busy day. Lucas watched as Brooke slowly sipped her wine in between bites. He did the same, and finished his glass before him.

"Would you like more?" She politely asked, always the hostess.

Lucas nodded his mouth too full of food to speak. Brooke stood and replenished his glass, as well as topping off her own, which was almost gone.

Shortly after they finished dinner and Brooke rose to wash the dishes. It didn't go unnoticed by either of them that she seemed a little off balance.

"Head rush." She joked, attempting to brush it off. In truth, she knew that it was probably the two sizable glasses of vodka she'd had before dinner, mixed with the wine, that made her sway, not a head rush.

The little bobble caught Lucas off guard. She'd only had two glasses of wine, the same as him. And sure, she was smaller than him, but Lucas had never known Brooke to not be able to hold her alcohol so he knew that two glasses of wine would barely even give her a buzz.

Once she regained her footing, she walked over to get his dirty dishes and the headed into the kitchen to begin cleaning. She walked carefully, not wanting to give Lucas any reason to suspect that the wine wasn't her first drink of the evening.

Lucas watched her walk into the kitchen and shook his head, he was certain that she'd had something else to drink, probably while he was upstairs changing. Then he remembered she was shutting the freezer just as he entered the kitchen.

He made his way into the kitchen and looked around. The he walked over to the freezer and spoke as he opened the door, "Do you have any ice cream or anything? I'm craving something sweet."

She reached out to close the freezer door, "No, sorry, we don't."

She wasn't quick enough though, he'd already caught sight of the bottle of vodka she'd so quickly tossed into the freezer. She hoped he hadn't, hoped it had gone unnoticed, but she was quite sure it hadn't. He'd seen her sway on her feet, he had reason to suspect she'd had something besides the wine.

'Stupid, you couldn't have waited just a few more hours.' She silently berated herself. 'You just had to have a drink.'

Shrugging it off she attempted small talk, offering up a movie night complete with popcorn and ice cream, which they could go to the store and pick up. He agreed and set to work helping her clean up the kitchen.

Hours later they were perched on the couch, watching a remake of the horror film House of Wax. At a particularly frightening part she jumped a bit, and out instinct he wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight.

She was amazed at the feeling of security she got from being in his arms. It was a feeling she hadn't felt in entirely too long. Smiling she used the movie as an excuse and snuggled in even deeper, he didn't protest.

Before she knew it, she'd drifted off to sleep in his arms. He gazed down at her, she looked so peaceful that he didn't dare wake her. He carefully reached over her to grab the edge of the blanket that had slid off her shoulder, he pulled it back up, covering her exposed shoulder.

He'd hoped to talk to her tonight, confront her about what had happened at dinner. But, as he looked down at her sleeping, in his arms, he couldn't ruin it. He felt content, like he hadn't felt in years, and that night he just wanted to relish in the feeling.

Tomorrow he promised himself, tomorrow he'd confront her.


	8. Be Here Now

**Author's note: **Here it is guys, a new chapter. I've been outlining the next few chapters as I've gone along so hopefully I'll get the next chapter up within the next week or so. Thanks to Amanda for your help with this chapter, and to Maggie for beta'ing at the last minute, you girls are the best. Thanks to Jess for just being Jess. Enjoy guys, and please review.

Chapter 8- Be Here Now

The next morning Brooke awoke with a throbbing pain in her shoulder. She attempted to turn onto her side in order to shift her weight off of it, but something hard stopped her. She felt the familiar, warm body next to her, and knew that Lucas was sleeping next to her. As she got her bearings, she vaguely remembered the events from last night; dinner and a movie, she must have fallen asleep during the movie. That explained why they were both asleep on the couch.

He had her nestled securely in his embrace, and she had to admit it felt nice, almost natural. It was as though he was trying to protect her, trying to make her feel safe, and it was working. She shifted her weight just enough to alleviate the pressure on her shoulder and snuggled into him even deeper, quickly drifting back to sleep.

Lucas felt her moving besides him, but was careful not to make any movements that would alert her that he was awake. He was afraid that if he moved even the slightest bit, she would awaken and then he'd be forced to release his hold on her. That was the last thing he wanted, because when she was asleep in his arms, he felt like he had a small piece of his Brooke back. He knew he couldn't protect her from everything out there, but in this moment, he knew that he could hold her and just hope she knew it was his way of telling her that everything was going to be okay.

He opened his eyes and let his gaze fall on her now sleeping form. When they were together, it was something he had always liked to do. She just always looked so peaceful and beautiful. Before he knew it, she started to move a little again and he watched as she was pulled from sleep. Her eyelids fluttered a bit before they opened and allowed her big brown eyes to see the early morning light of day. She looked up at him and smiled.

"Good morning."

He watched her as she spoke, noticing somewhat of a twinkle in her eyes. He had noticed it the previous morning as well. It was almost as though the harshness of reality hadn't yet managed to creep in.

"Morning, how did you sleep?" He asked, tightening his grip on her just a bit. He knew that in moments he would have to let her go, but until then he wanted to hold her as close as possible.

"Good, thanks." She smiled. She wanted to lose herself in his embrace and let the rest of the world melt away, if only it was that easy. "Do you want some breakfast?"

Lucas nodded and slowly released his hold on her so she could pull herself from his arms and go start preparing breakfast. Once she left the room, Lucas pulled himself up so he was sitting. He thought for a moment, wondering if maybe last night was nothing, if maybe he could just look past it and not say anything about the drinking. He knew he couldn't though, he was here to help her, not have sleepovers.

Taking a deep breath, he walked into the kitchen and prepared himself for what he knew would be nothing more than him pleading for Brooke to open up to him.

He smiled in spite if his worry as he saw Brooke busying herself preparing breakfast. He could hear the bacon sizzling in the pan and could smell the French toast frying on the skillet. His mouth immediately began to water.

"Coffee?" She asked as she walked towards him with a pot.

He nodded thankfully. He watched as she poured the hot liquid into a mug before him, she was so steady, so composed, she was so Brooke. Almost instinctively, she added a bit of cream and two spoonfuls of sugar to his cup, and he smiled, realizing that she still remembered some of the intimate details about him. The simple gesture reminded him of the girl that worked at the café, and he hoped that he could help her be that girl again; carefree and ready to take on the world.

Minutes later she placed a plate full of food before him and, grabbing a cup of coffee for herself, sat down across from him.

"Brooke, we have to talk about last night." He spoke softly and looked down at the table, for some reason he felt that if he didn't make eye contact with her she wouldn't sense how hard he was trying to break down all the walls she had erected.

Brooke bit her lip, "I know, but not today. Today we have a lot on our plate." Brooke drew in a breath, hoping that this would turn the conversation away from her and her problems.

Lucas looked up and raised his eyebrow at her, "Is that so?"

She nodded excitedly, "Yes, you didn't know? Nathan and Haley are in town for the next couple days. I figured you knew, Nathan told Haley that you guys were going to shoot some hoops this morning." Brooke looked over that clock mounted on the wall, "Actually, they should be here fairly soon."

"And what will you be doing while I'm kicking Nathan's ass on the court?"

"Shopping with the girls of course, Peyton is planning to join us."

"Is Jake around?"

Brooke shook her head, "No, he has to work today. But all six of us are going to go to dinner tonight, so that will be a good chance to catch up."

Lucas sighed, "It's been years since we have all been together."

Brooke smiled, that certainly was the truth. They hadn't all been together since high school. Sure, whenever Nathan and Haley came into town they got together with Brooke, Jake and Peyton, but Lucas was never there. Brooke knew there were other get-togethers, ones Lucas was at and she wasn't. It would be nice, the six of them, best friends, back together again, the way it should have been all along.

"Maybe tonight, after dinner, maybe we can talk then?" Lucas prodded, not wanting to give in so easily.

"Can we just enjoy today Lucas? Please? Tomorrow we can talk. I just want today."

Lucas knew he shouldn't give in to her, but he knew she had had to much sadness lately and wanted to grant her wish. "Okay, tomorrow we will talk."

Brooke smiled and nodded and focused her attention back on her breakfast in front of her.

Brooke and Lucas finished their breakfast and then busied themselves getting ready for the day. Just about an hour later, they heard the doorbell ring and Brooke rushed down the stairs. She was clad in a black strapless sundress, her dark hair pulled back in a loose ponytail.

Throwing open the door, a large smile crossed her face when she saw Haley and Nathan standing on the doorstep.

"Tutor Wife, look at you. It's so good to see you."

Haley looked adorable in a white cotton eyelet sundress, large sunglasses pushed up into her wavy blonde hair. She smiled and pulled Brooke into a hug. Haley released her hold on Brooke and looked at her, a solemn expression on her face, and Brooke could see the pity in Haley's eyes.

"I'm okay Haley, really, its better that he's gone. Things were bad. You've got to know that." Brooke said as she shifted, she just wanted to pretend that everything was okay, at least for one more day.

Haley nodded. "I know, but hey, we'll talk about all this later. Now though, let's go get Peyton and spend some money."

"I heard that," Nathan called from behind Haley.

"Nate." Brooke smiled as he walked up to her. He had the same kind of expression on his face as his wife did moments before. He reached out and pulled Brooke into his arms. "It'll all be okay," he whispered into her ear. She nodded and forced a smile as he released his hold on her.

"There's my baby brother." Lucas called out as he made his way down the stairs and into the entryway. "You ready to lose?"

Haley was taken aback at first, it seemed so natural, Lucas walking down the stairs at Brooke's house. It was almost as though he belonged there.

"I never lose, you know that." Nathan chided back.

The brothers teased as they closed the distance between them, knocking fists in their usual greeting.

The friends indulged in a bit more small talk before separating and getting on with their appointed tasks for the day. The boys headed towards the court in Nathan and Haley's rental car, and the girls took Brooke's car and went to pick up Peyton.

It took all of two seconds in the car before Nathan began prodding at Luke for information.

"So how're things going?"

"Good. Things have been good."

"Has she opened up to you?"

Lucas shook his head. "No, she skillfully avoids it."

"You've got to push harder then Luke. You have to break through, she needs help man. We're all worried about her, Haley and Peyton are always calling each other, worrying that she's going to break. This is harder on her than she lets on."

"I know," Luke sighed, he was all to aware of Brooke's ability to put on a smile and pretend her heart wasn't breaking. "She does need help. Any doubts I had were erased last night. It's just hard Nate, I don't want to push too hard and push her away. But I'll get through, I promise you that. I just need to let her know I'm here, that she can feel safe. Once she knows that then I think it will be easier."

"And in the meantime?"

Lucas looked at him and smiled, "In the meantime I'll just enjoy being with her again man."

--------

"So, how is it to see him again?" Peyton prodded the second she was in the car.

Brooke smiled, against her will, "It's good. It's nice seeing him again."

"What have you guys been doing?"

Brooke shrugged a bit, "Nothing really. He helped me with a bunch of errands yesterday, we had dinner, watched a movie."

"Watched a movie?" Haley teased, mimicking quotation marks with her hands.

"So, I fell asleep on him. Is that a crime?"

Peyton laughed a bit, "No, not a crime, just interesting."

Haley leaned in from the back seat, "So the question on everyone's mind….is it still there?"

"Is what still there?" Brooke questioned, hoping to prolong her need to answer by pretending not to know what her best friends were getting at.

"The chemistry. The famous Brooke and Lucas chemistry that ignited the fire between the two of you all those years ago." Haley said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Peyton made some sort of choking noise, never one for romance. "Ugh, stop before I gag."

"Well?" Haley continued prodding.

"Yes it's still there. I think it always will be."

"So what are you going to do about it?" Haley continued with her questions.

Brooke's mind flashed back to his first night there, to the kiss that he so quickly pushed away from. Her mind flashed to sleeping in his arms that night, awaking there the next morning.

"What can I do? I'm still married. I have to be careful."

"That didn't stop Devon." Peyton sneered.

Brooke flashed an angry look at Peyton and Haley reached from the back seat and swatted her on the shoulder.

"What?" Peyton exclaimed. "I'm not going to sit here and pretend that Devon doesn't exist, and I certainly won't pretend that he hasn't been fooling around behind Brooke's back for years now. You both can, but I won't. Devon's an ass, and he deserves whatever Brooke dishes out."

"I can't stoop to his level Peyton, I just can't. Plus, sleeping with Lucas wouldn't help anything. It wouldn't help with my problems with Devon, and…. It just wouldn't make things better," she mumbled. Forget the fact that she didn't want to sleep with Lucas for revenge, sleeping with Lucas at all would open her up to feelings she just couldn't handle right now.

"I wouldn't say that. I think it might make things pretty damn good actually." Peyton chided.

"I just can't do it. That's all there is to it. Yeah, it would be good, but it would open up doors I can't walk through yet." Brooke uttered the words with finality, and Peyton and Haley knew to drop the subject. Their friends would find their way back to each other, everyone else knew it, but both Brooke and Lucas would have to figure that out on their own.

Haley finally spoke up again, "Just enjoy him being here, Brooke, however you feel is appropriate." Brooke gave Haley a thankful grin, and the girls began chatting about everything and anything, just like they always had.

Hours later Brooke and Haley returned to Brooke's house, after having shopped until it seemed there was nothing left to buy. They walked in and called out, assuming the boys were back, but their greetings were met with silence.

"You want some iced tea?" Brooke asked. "We can go and sit out by the pool and wait for the guys."

"Sure."

Brooke grabbed the iced tea and some glasses and the girls made their way out to the pool. They nestled comfortably into the chaise lounges and both exhaled, the stress of shopping melting quickly away.

"I think I need your help Haley." Brooke was the first to break the comfortable silence between the two friends. "This whole divorce thing is going to turn into legal warfare."

"I know."

"I just don't want to walk away from this without anything. You know?"

"Yes, definitely. Do you have a copy of the prenup? And the business papers for the boutique?" Haley looked over to Brooke.

"Yes, they're in our office."

"Okay, give me copies of those before Nathan and I head back to the hotel tonight and I'll read over them. We can sit down tomorrow evening and hash all this out. I'll let you know your options and all that."

"And if it goes to court?"

"Unfortunately I can't defend you because I have a pretty strict contract with the Knicks, but I can refer you to a friend from law school. He actually lives down here in North Carolina and he specializes in divorce cases. He would be great."

"Thanks Hales."

Haley nodded and reached out and grabbed Brooke's hand, "It's all going to be okay Brooke, I promise you that."

Brooke looked at Haley and smiled gratefully, and just then they heard the boys' voices echoing throughout the mansion.

"We're out back." Brooke called out.

"Haley James Scott." Nathan's voice boomed from inside the house, "I certainly hope that all of those bags in the front hallway aren't yours."

Haley smiled slyly, turning her head behind her to look at him, "Did you not see the three Victoria's Secret bags? I can promise you that the stuff in those bags will make you quickly forget all the others."

"Oh Hales, stop." Lucas interjected. "I don't want to think about any of that."

"You can not think about it all you want, it's going to happen either way." Nathan laughed, bending down to plant a kiss atop Haley's head. "You ready to head back to the hotel to change before dinner?" He asked Haley.

Haley nodded affirmatively. "You stink Nathan, jeez." She teased as she stood up off the lounge chair, playfully pushing her husband away.

"I know, I know." Nathan swatted Haley's butt. "Let's go woman," he said as he turned back towards the house.

"We'll see you at the restaurant at seven?" Haley asked.

"Yep, seven, and wear that new BCBG dress and the Manolos."

"HALEY, LET'S GO." Nathan yelled from the front door.

Haley turned and rushed off, "I'll see you two later," she called out behind her.

Brooke and Lucas smiled at their friends, they certainly had turned into an old married couple. It seemed unreal they had been married for almost 10 years already. When they had first married, no one thought it would work, but they certainly had proved everyone wrong; they were disgustingly happy and in love.

Lucas turned to Brooke, "I'm going to hop in the shower. I'm sure I stink too."

Brooke wrinkled her nose and nodded, "I was wondering what that smell was."

"Haha," Lucas chided, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "Not everyone can smell like roses all the time."

"Honeysuckle, Luke, it's honeysuckle." Brooke winked at him playfully.

"Ah, how could I forget?" He said as their eyes met for the briefest of moments, something passing between them. Lucas was the first to break the gaze, giving Brooke a small nod before turning and heading towards the house.

Brooke shook away the memories and lowered herself back onto one of the lounge chairs, figuring she would enjoy the late afternoon sun for a bit longer.

After having his shower, Lucas toweled off and headed into the master bedroom to dig something suitable for dinner out of his suitcase. After finally settling on a nice pair of khaki pants and a baby blue polo shirt, he set to the task of finding an ironing board. It was obvious his clothes had been crammed into a suitcase for the past few days.

Just as he headed towards one of the large closets, Brooke snuck into the room behind him, pausing when she caught sight of him standing there dripping wet in nothing but a towel. God, he looked good. He was in even better shape than in high school, his chest and abs very well defined.

Lucas felt her eyes dancing over his physique and blushed, surprisingly embarrassed. He turned to face her and smiled, "You have an ironing board anywhere in this monster of a closet Davis?"

Brooke nodded taking the clothes from his hands, "I can do that, I have to iron a dress for myself anyway."

Lucas thanked her and headed over to his suitcase to grab some underwear, then headed into the bathroom to put them on and fix his hair.

A couple hours later, after Brooke had a shower as well, she headed down the stairs to join Lucas in the living room to relax for a few minutes before they headed off to meet the rest of their friends.

Lucas looked up as he heard Brooke's heels clicking through the marble entryway, making their way into the living room. His breath caught in his throat as he caught sight of her, a breezy flowered sundress flowing behind her, her hair cascading down her back in loose waves. She looked like a goddess.

"Wow, you clean up well." He finally managed to choke out.

"You don't look so bad yourself." Brooke smiled, her dimples making Lucas' knees go weak.

Brooke walked over and joined Lucas on the couch.

"Did you girls have fun today?" Lucas asked, trying to engage in small talk in order to take his eyes away from Brooke's tantalizing cleavage.

"Yeah we did. The three of us haven't had an entire day together in such a long time, it was really nice."

"That's good."

Brooke nodded, and then suddenly dropped her voice to a whisper. "I talked to Haley about the divorce."

"Oh yeah?" Lucas asked, not wanting to push any further, he didn't want to try and push her to disclose more than she was comfortable with.

"I made copies of our prenup and the business papers for the boutique. Haley's going to look over them and then sit down with me tomorrow and let me know how everything looks, what it looks like I'll get."

"Good, it will be helpful to get some kind of idea about what's going to happen."

"I was hoping you'd be there Lucas, when Haley walks me through what's going to happen."

Lucas paused for a moment, not sure if he really wanted to be there while Brooke discussed her finances with Haley. "Brooke…"

She sensed his trepidation, "Please Luke, I need you." She looked up at him, her deep brown eyes pleading with him, letting him know that she couldn't do it alone, letting him know that uttering those words were so hard for her.

Lucas nodded, relieved that she had finally broken down a wall, no matter how small a wall it was progress. He pulled her into his arms and held her tight.

"If you need me, I'll be there."


	9. Over My Head

Chapter 9- Over My Head

Brooke and Lucas left the restaurant and headed towards the car. The night had been filled with funny anecdotes and lots of laughter, and it had left Brooke and Lucas both in a very light mood.

"You can drive." Brooke tossed Lucas the keys to her Range Rover.

Lucas picked up his pace and trotted towards the car, opening the passenger-side door for Brooke.

"Thank you." She smiled as she stepped up into the car, he always was a gentleman.

"You're very welcome." He spoke, shutting the door after Brooke was seated.

Walking around to the other side of the car, he paused for a moment and looked up at the sky. It was a beautiful night: the sky was clear, the stars vibrant. It had been a warm day, but the cool night air was starting to seep in, making the temperature much more comfortable.

Lucas deeply inhaled the cool night air and allowed himself to smile. Sure, he was having a difficult time getting Brooke to open up, but he didn't feel for a second that the time he had been spending with her was a waste. He had to work his way back into her life and he realized that. After all, things didn't always need to be serious, there wasn't anything wrong with them going out and having fun every now and then.

After getting into the car, he turned to Brooke, "Home?"

Brooke shook her head, a mischievous smile crossing her face, "No, I have something better in mind."

Lucas eyed her curiously as he put the car into gear.

"Turn left out of the parking lot, I'll give you directions from there."

Brooke guided him to their destination, hoping that their little journey would help to give her some perspective, perspective she knew she desperately needed. Lucas was here, offering himself up to her on a silver platter, and she was reluctant to accept. She hoped that she would be able to look past her insecurities, tear down some of her walls, and finally just let him in.

Once they pulled into a deserted parking lot behind a school, Brooke reached down to unhook her seatbelt and anxiously reached for the door handle.

"You brought me to a vacant parking lot? Are you planning to kill me?" He teased.

"How did you know?" she shot back. "Come on, follow me," she grinned as she hopped out of the car and headed towards a wooded area on the other side of the parking lot.

Lucas followed her skeptically, unsure as to where she was taking him, but willing to go with her wherever she would lead him.

Brooke made her way up a tree-lined path and started to jog ahead a bit, obviously anxious to arrive at their destination.

"A bridge?" Lucas asked as he realized where they were. He looked over the edge and saw the highway below them, cars flying past. He was surprised, it was actually very quiet atop the bridge, and he could barely hear the cars.

"Isn't it beautiful? I come up here when I need to escape from everything. It's crazy really, you look down on all these people. They're all so in a rush to get wherever they're going, but somehow being a few hundred feet above them makes me feel as though I'm completely removed from their world. It's like when I'm up here I'm untouchable, even from my problems."

Lucas watched her as she spoke, her brown eyes sparkling. He loved it when she was passionate about something; and who would have ever thought, one of those things would be a bridge?

"It is nice."

Brooke pointed towards the night sky, "Look up. Doesn't the sky seem closer? It's almost like we're halfway between the ground and the heavens."

"Wow." He exclaimed as he looked up, she was right, somehow the stars seemed nearer, sharper, clearer. "I can see why you like it up here. It's like you're caught somewhere in between your own little world and reality. "

Brooke turned and leaned her back against the other side of the small bridge. "Do you have a girlfriend in New York?" She had been curious since the night he showed up on her door step, but hadn't yet gathered the nerve to ask. Now though, she felt as though she couldn't keep the question inside anymore.

Lucas turned his back against his side of the bridge and crossed his arms over his chest. They hadn't talked much about his life, not much at all. He knew why she was doing it. She wanted to feel more connected to him, more in touch with his world.

"No, I don't. I've had girlfriends, but none of them all that serious. It's hard. I have a really demanding job. I'm on-call pretty much all-day, all-season. You never know when some 6'7" basketball player who is so graceful on the court will trip and fall down the stairs and break an ankle or something."

Brooke giggled. "Is your job the only reason? I mean what about the off-season?"

"Not really then either. I can honestly say I haven't had a serious girlfriend since you, Brooke."

"Really?" She was surprised. Lucas was such an amazing guy, and pretty easy on the eyes too. She figured he certainly wasn't single because of lack of offers.

"Yeah, I've tried. I've tried so many times. But it just never clicks, you know? Something just doesn't feel right. It's like I can't let them in, and they try so hard to get to my heart. They beg and plead for me to let down my guard, give them my heart, and I just can't ever do it. Not since…well…" His voice trailed off.

"…since us," she finished his sentence for him. "How come you never came around until now? Like at the wedding and the store opening and stuff, how come you never let me know you were there?"

"Part of it was because I wasn't sure you wanted me there. You were so angry with the way everything went down, and rightfully so, but I just didn't want to fight about it anymore. I figured I'd let all that stay in the past. It just seemed easier you know?"

Brooke nodded. He was right. She was angry, for so long. She probably would have made a scene. "You said that was part of the reason, what's the other part?"

"Honestly? It hurt. Being around you hurt. Seeing you moving on with your life, seeing you happy, it just hurt. I wanted you to be happy, don't ever doubt that for a minute, but seeing you so happy, without me, it was just too hard."

Brooke understood. Whenever she would allow herself to think of him, she imagined him two ways. She always imagined him happy: with some amazing girlfriend, with this amazing life, and it always made her feel unsettled. It was hard to imagine him happy without her by his side. She knew that it was selfish, but she just didn't want to imagine anyone else as the source of happiness in his life.

Then sometimes, when things were really bad with Devon, she imagined Lucas unhappy. No, unhappy wasn't the right word, unfulfilled seemed better. She imagined the source of that to be her absence in his life. She would fantasize about him finally realizing that he couldn't live without her. She would imagine him coming to North Carolina, showing up at her store to take her away from everything. That was the Lucas she liked to imagine, the Lucas that would swoop in and save her.

He was trying to do that now, and she knew that, but it was weird, as much as she thought she wanted to be saved, she just wasn't ready. Allowing him to save her would mean she would have to relinquish some control, and she just wasn't ready. Maintaining control over her life, attempting to keep everything in prefect order, it was the only thing keeping her sane.

"If seeing me happy was hard, what's it like now, to see me unhappy?" she whispered.

Lucas looked at her and paused before he spoke. The fact that she was unhappy was clear to both of them, but to have her actually say it, was progress.

"It kills me. Literally, Brooke, as we speak, as I stand here in front of you, it's killing me. I'm standing here, begging you to let me help you, and you just won't let me. I feel so helpless, like all I can do is stand by and watch you hurt. It's probably one of the worst feelings I've ever felt."

Brooke looked down at the ground, not sure how to respond to that. She turned away from him and looked down at the traffic below them.

He looked at her, stunned at how small she looked. Her sundress billowed around her in the light breeze and it seemed almost as though she got lost in it. He walked over and stood next to her, leaning over the railing and looking down at the highway below them.

"Do you ever wish you were someone else?" She asked, finally breaking the silence.

"Someone else like who? Johnny Depp? Donald Trump?" He teased, trying to make light.

"No, like someone else, like a different kind of person."

Lucas looked at her, clearly confused.

"Like sometimes I wish I was braver. I wish I had said something to Devon when I first realized he was cheating on me. Sometimes I wish I was smarter, and then I might have figured it out sooner. Most of all though, I wish I was stronger, I wish that I could get through this on my own, without having to burden my friends."

Lucas turned to her, "Brooke look at me."

She lifted her head, tears brimming her eyes.

"You are not, nor have you ever been, a burden. And I don't just speak for myself here, I speak for all of us; Haley, Peyton, Nathan, Jake. You have never been a burden. We are all your friends and any one of us would lie down in traffic for you. Being there for you is not a burden, it's just what friends are for."

"Then why is it so hard for me to just admit that I need your help? If I know I'm not a burden, and I know you're all more than willing, why can't I just say it?"

Lucas took her small hands in his, "Aren't you saying it now? I mean yes, maybe you're veiling it behind questions or statements of who you wish you could be, but you're still saying it, aren't you?"

Brooke nodded. "So what happens now? Now that I've said it, that I've admitted that I'm not strong enough to handle this on my own."

"Now, you let me be there. You let me in enough to help. I can't help if I don't really know what's going on inside your head, inside your heart. Open up. Let me see it, let me see you, all of you."

Brooke said nothing, just looked up at him, thankful that he was there for her, thankful that he could be strong when she couldn't. All she had to do was start talking, but it just wasn't that easy.

They stood there in silence, Brooke trying to find the strength to start talking, and Lucas hoping that she was finally ready.

Finally, she spoke. "It's getting cold out, if you don't mind I'd like to head home."

"Yeah, sure." Lucas looked at her, and watched as she began to walk away.

He knew he had made huge strides. She had finally admitted that she needed help, and Lucas knew that when she was ready she would start talking.

As Lucas followed her back to the car, he thought about what she had said. Lucas realized that he also wished he was someone else, someone stronger, someone braver. If he had been stronger, he would have been there for her all those years, no matter how much it hurt him. If he had been braver he would have objected at her wedding, knowing that he would always be her voice of reason, and that he might have been able to save her.

If Lucas had been stronger then he would have been there for her all along, and he wouldn't be trying so hard to break through now. And maybe, just maybe, if he had been braver she wouldn't even be in the situation she was in now.

The drive home was silent, but comfortable, each were lost in their own thoughts. Once they arrived back at Brooke's house, Lucas hopped out of the driver's seat and went to open Brooke's door. He helped her out of the car and as the two started towards the house, she wrapped her arms around Lucas' arm, and clung to him close.

"Do you want to watch a movie or something?" Brooke asked as they walked through the entryway.

"Sure. I just want to change real quick."

Brooke nodded in agreement, "Me too."

The two headed upstairs and Brooke grabbed some clothes, taking them into the bathroom to change. Once she was done, she walked through her bedroom, letting Lucas know the bathroom was free.

"I'll put in some popcorn."

"Sounds perfect." Lucas called behind him as he walked into the bathroom.

Brooke made her way down the stairs and into the kitchen, after putting a bag of popcorn into the microwave she headed into the living room.

"So what are we watching?"

His voice startled her, he wasn't supposed to be home, yet there he was, perched on the couch, waiting for her.

"God Devon, you scared me. What are you doing here? I thought you were going to be gone for a month, it's barely been a week."

Devon clicked his tongue and wagged his finger at Brooke, "Oh my dear Brooke, this is still my house, remember? I have every right to be here whenever I'd like."

Brooke's ears perked up as she heard Lucas heading down the stairs. She turned and watched him as he walked into the room, once he spotted Devon a look of astonishment grew on his face.

"Well, well, Brooke, aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?" Devon asked, watching Brooke squirm and enjoying every minute of it.

"Devon, this is Lucas Scott, a friend from Tree Hill. Lucas, this is Devon."

"Her husband." Devon finished, as held out his hand, expecting Lucas to walk over and shake it.

Lucas stood firm, not wanting to do anything to accommodate this pompous bastard. The way he spoke made Lucas' blood boil and he knew that if Devon didn't change his tone, it would be only a matter of minutes before he pummeled him.

"Well then, I see we don't all have manners, that's fine." Devon spoke as he retracted his hand. "To answer your earlier question Brooke, yes, I did say I would be gone a month, but I had a few days in between meetings so I decided to come home and see my wife."

Brooke took a deep breath, wishing the walls would stop feeling as though they were closing in on her. Finally, she turned to Lucas, trying hard to make sure her voice did not waver, she needed to appear calm.

"Maybe you should head back to your hotel. Devon and I have some things to discuss."

"Are you sure?" Lucas asked, not wanting to leave her in such a precarious situation.

Brooke looked over at Devon, who was expectantly awaiting her response, "Yes, I'll walk you out."

Brooke turned and headed towards the front door and Lucas reluctantly followed her.

"It was a pleasure meeting you, Lester." Devon called after them.

Lucas clenched his fists and opened his mouth to correct him, but knew Devon was looking for a reaction, so instead he said nothing.

"I'm sorry Lucas." Brooke said, as soon as they were out of ear shot.

"It's okay. But are you sure you're going to be okay here alone with him?"

"Yes, I'll be fine. We have some stuff to deal with anyways."

Lucas nodded, "Okay, but call me if you need anything. I think I'll just head over to Nathan and Haley's hotel for right now, just let me know later that you're okay?"

"I will, and here," Brooke reached for a set of keys on a nearby hook, "Take the Range Rover. I don't want you to have to call and wait for a cab."

Lucas looked down at her, worried for her, not knowing what would happen once he left. Reaching down, he wrapped her into a tight hug.

"I'll be here in a second if you need me for anything Brooke." He whispered into her ear.

"I'll call, I promise." She whispered back, enjoying the feeling of his arms around her and knowing the feeling of security she got from him she would be severely lacking in about two seconds.

He released his grip on her and let himself out. Brooke watched him walk out, and closed the door behind him, and then turned and headed back to the family room.

When she walked into the room she saw Devon fixing himself a drink.

Devon sensed her presence behind him and without turning began to speak. "Old friend huh?"

"Yes, as I said he's from Tree Hill. We went to high school together." Brooke felt uneasy, hoping Devon wouldn't pry for further details. "What are you doing home Devon?"

"I knew it was in my best interest to return home Brooke, even if only for a few days. We have some things to work out."

"Such as?"

Devon laughed, "Our marriage of course."

"What marriage?" she yelled. "I want a divorce Devon. You're a smart man. I know that you're aware of how I feel. I've suffered long enough. You've been unfaithful for so long, I won't just sit by and pretend to ignore it anymore." Her voice sounded strong as she finally said the words, but inside she was falling apart.

Devon returned to his seat on the couch, "My dear, sweet Brooke, don't you get it? I may realize that you want a divorce, but I myself do not want one," he said casually.

"What?" Brooke yelped, tossing her arms into the air with exasperation. "You don't love me Devon, admit it. You've been unfaithful to me for quite a while now, if you truly loved me that never would have happened. Why would you want to stay in a marriage like ours? Now you'll be free to sleep with whomever you want."

"Brooke, Brooke, Brooke. You just don't get it do you? I never married you because I loved you, I merely told you that to appease you. I married you because you look good on my arm, because you are a good hostess, because you were brought up well, not because of love. Don't you get it Brooke?"

She fought of the tears that were welling in her eyes, "Get what?"

"I married you because I needed someone to accompany me to business functions, to charity functions, to social gatherings. You are perfect in that role, but I could never love you. You just aren't exactly what I want. From you I get what I need to maintain my status in society, from the other women I get what I need in the bedroom. You seem to think that I've been cheating on you what, a year I would guess? That certainly is far from the truth. I've been sleeping with these other women since the day I met you. You see Brooke; I never had any intention of giving up that part of my life, but knew I had to hide it in order to marry you. But then, once you acclimated to the life I could provide for you and began to enjoy it, I knew I was safe to let you know my secret. You wouldn't walk away from all of this, from the wealth, from the status. Come on Brooke, be honest, you've stayed with me this long already because you don't want to live a different kind of life."

She paused, fully aware that to a point he was right, but not anymore. "That's where you're wrong, very wrong. I will walk away from it, and I am. I won't be in a marriage that isn't based on love." Brooke crossed her arms over her chest defiantly.

"Oh Brooke, that's what you think. You can't just walk away. You'll have nothing."

Brooke's eyes widened, "That's not true. I looked over the prenup earlier, before I gave it to Haley, she's a lawyer remember? After one year of marriage I was entitled to half a million dollars, that dollar amount increased with each subsequent year. I'm up to almost two million already, by that schedule." She stated matter-of -factly, quite satisfied with herself for having known that much.

"You know, it's funny you should mention that," Devon started snidely. "I was a bit concerned over that matter myself, I obviously don't want to part with any of my money, even such a minute sum, but now it seems I won't have to."

Brooke was taken aback, "What do you mean? I served my time, so to speak."

"Yes, yes you did. And I'll admit, you've been quite the trophy wife, always up for gallivanting to all of these functions with me, but none of that matters now. It seems that you didn't read the entire prenup. Had you, you would understand my satisfaction at this latest discovery."

"Damnit, Devon, what are you talking about?"

Devon clucked his tongue once again, "Brooke, my dear wife, had you continued reading the prenup you would have seen the clause that states you must be faithful to me, otherwise you walk away with nothing."

"I have been faithful, completely faithful." Brooke immediately shot back.

"And that's what had me so distraught. You had been completely faithful so I was trying to cope with the idea that if we did divorce I would be saying good-bye to two million dollars, but now, I won't have to."

"Just say whatever you're dancing around, Devon."

"Lucas. His timing with his 'visit' is impeccable. There I was, all the way across the country worried about parting with my hard earned money, and meanwhile Lucas shows up and you jump right into bed with him."

Brooke opened her mouth to refute him, but he cut her off, "I was in the bedroom Brooke, I saw his stuff up there. You've been sleeping with Lucas and the timing is perfect, well perfect for me. For you, it kind of sucks. You should have waited till the papers were signed Brookie."

"First off, I am _not_ cheating on you with Lucas. He's an old friend. And his suitcases being upstairs mean absolutely nothing. We are not sleeping together. I am not cheating on you. I'm actually quite certain that you know that."

Devon smirked, "Yes well, try proving that in court. Money buys everything Brooke, they'll never believe you over me, never."

"What about the prenup? Hmmm? If that protects you against me cheating on you, shouldn't it do the same for me?"

Devon cleared his throat, "Well, Brooke, thank goodness you're pretty. What you seem to not be understanding is that this prenup is not about you, not one bit, it's all about me and protecting myself."

"And what about me, what protects me?"

"Absolutely nothing, Brooke, that's what saddens me." His voice dripped with sarcasm.

Brooke had to fight off the urge to vomit, "You're scum Devon, absolute scum. I'd rather walk away penniless than spend one more day married to you."

"Well Brooke, good thing you feel that way, it looks as though that might be how it will end up."

Brooke stood her ground. "For your information, that is not how it will end up. I know what I'm doing, you may not think so but I do. I will not walk away from this empty handed. I paid my dues, now it's time for me to get paid."

Devon found himself surprisingly anxious by that statement. He couldn't fathom what she could possibly do to him, but she hadn't ever talked to him that way, she had never stood up to him like that, and in all honesty; it worried him just a bit. He thought she would just walk away without looking back, or fighting back, now it seemed it might not be so easy.

Lunging up off the couch and crossing the room in only a couple of strides, he reached out and gripped each of her arms, squeezing so hard Brooke felt tears well in her eyes. Though he had sometimes been emotionally abusive, Devon had never laid a hand on her, until now.

"You listen to me," Devon sneered, "You will walk away from this Brooke, and you will walk away empty handed. I can guarantee you that. If you want to waste the money to try to fight me, well that's your prerogative, but I will not lose. Remember that, I will not lose."

Brooke squirmed a bit, finally working her way out of his grasp. She had nothing else to say to him, so she turned and ran, her arms still stinging from where he had squeezed her so tight.

As she ran out the front door she rubbed her arms, trying to ease the pain. Thankfully she had the good sense to keep a set of keys for the Beatle in her purse; she fished them out and hopped into the car.

Unsure where to go, she just drove. Finally, she decided to head to the hotel where Nathan and Haley were staying, hoping to find Lucas there, she needed him.

After giving her keys to the valet, Brooke made her way to the front desk.

"I'm looking for Nathan and Haley Scott's room please?" Brooke asked the concierge.

"And you are?"

"Brooke Davis-Nilson." She choked on his last name as she spoke it, disgusted that she had ever taken it.

The concierge typed a few things into the computer. Brooke waited patiently, she knew that Nathan and Haley left a lift of allowable visitors to avoid any of Nathan's avid fans from disturbing them while they were vacationing.

"Ah, there you are. They are in room 1214. You can take the elevator over to my left up if you would like, it will take you directly to their floor."

"Thank you." Brooke called out behind her as she made her way to the elevator.

Adjacent to the elevator was the hotel bar. It caught Brooke's eye and she stood before it, debating entering. She knew the smarter choice was to just get on that elevator and head upstairs, but at that moment, she just couldn't make the smarter choice.

Nathan, Haley, even Lucas could wait, they would be able to help her later. Right now though, all she needed was to feel numb, to get to the point where it didn't hurt anymore. She knew she shouldn't drink away her troubles, but right then there was nothing else in the world that could erase Devon from her memory.


	10. Hanging By a Moment

**Author's note:** Well guys, sorry it took so long for me to get this out. Between moving and starting law school, writing took a back burner. But, I promise, that I will get a new chapter out hopefully once a week, but I'll promise you all one every two weeks. And thanks for all the reviews, I broke 100 last chapter and I've never done that before . You guys are great…keep it up.

Chapter 10- Hanging By A Moment

Lucas nervously paced back and forth in the vast living room of Nathan and Haley's suite. It had been hours since he left Brooke's and anxiety was starting to take hold of him. There was a lot that she and Devon had to work through, and Lucas realized that, but he thought she would have called him sooner.

"Lucas, please, sit, you're making me nervous and I don't want to have to pay when you wear a hole through the carpet and the hotel needs to replace it." Haley tried to make light seeing the obvious worry that was painted across her best friends' face.

"I can't Hales. I just have too much nervous energy right now."

"Yo, Luke, get in here. They have this great Knicks' game on ESPN classics." Nathan called from the other room after overhearing his wife's pleas. He knew that basketball could be the only thing to take Lucas' mind off of Brooke.

Lucas turned; making his way into the other room and Haley breathed a sigh of relief. She didn't want to admit it for fear of compounding Lucas' worry, but she was a little worried herself, she just felt unsettled. She couldn't put her finger on why, but her intuitions were usually right, especially when it came to her best friends.

Lucas sat besides Nathan on the couch in the living area of their suite. Rather than pacing to try and alleviate his nervous energy, he took to shaking his leg frantically. It took only ten minutes before it began to drive Nathan absolutely crazy.

"Come on dude, you're driving me nuts, what's with the shaking?"

Lucas stood up, "I'm sorry I can't help it." Lucas looked frantically around the room, as though he was trying to figure out how best to calm his nerves. "Actually bro, I think I'll go and get some fresh air. Go for a run. That'll get out all of this nervous energy. I have my cell, so if she calls she'll be able to get a hold of me."

"You want company? I could go with you."

"Nah, it's fine, I'll be okay. You stay here with that wife of yours and keep her company."

Nathan laughed, "If you insist."

"I heard that." Haley yelled from the other room.

The brothers looked at one another and laughed. Lucas held out his fist and Nathan knocked it with his own.

Lucas made his way into Nathan and Haley's bedroom, searching for a pair of running shorts, and found one without any problem. Lucas had to laugh, Nathan had more workout clothes than anything else, it reminded him of the days when they first met and all Nathan ever wore were warm up suits.

While walking towards the elevator Lucas began stretching out his legs and back, he was shocked at how tense he had become in a matter of hours. Once he got off the elevator in the lobby, he was already beginning to feel much looser.

As he was walking through the lobby he took a look around and noticed a petite brunette slumped over a stool in the hotel bar.

He began to shake his head in disbelief. He just couldn't understand how people let themselves get like that. Then, recognition settled in. That petite brunette, with her hair flowing in soft waves down her back, clad in a gorgeous flowered dress, was Brooke.

He made his way into the bar and softly placed a hand on the small of her back.

"Brooke?" He asked, watching as she attempted to raise her head.

"Lucas." She slurred, blinking her eyes as she fought to focus. It was obvious she was extremely intoxicated.

"Everything okay?" He asked, but before she furnished an answer, her neck gave out and she slumped back over, her head falling back into her arms.

He looked around and called out to the bartender, "Hey buddy, how much as she had to drink?"

"Quite a bit, here, I'll settle her tab."

The bartender walked over to the register and started hitting some buttons. As Lucas waited he looked back down at Brooke, she was barely coherent. It was right then that he noticed the extent of her problem. It gave him a sinking feeling to realize that this probably wasn't the first time she had ended up like this, but thankfully this time he was there to pick up the pieces and he hoped that with his help, it would be the last.

"Here ya go man." The bartender handed Lucas the bill.

His eyes felt as though they might pop out of his head, she somehow had a tab of $60. Even at $5 a drink, that was a lot of drinks, especially for such a small girl. It was no wonder she was out cold.

"How could you let her drink this much?" He questioned the bartender, his cheeks flushing with anger. "Aren't you supposed to cut people off when they've had this much?"

The bartender held up his hands in surrender, "Hey man, chill. I just started my shift a half hour ago. She's been here longer than that. Honestly, I didn't expect the bill to be this high. Sure, she's had some drinks while I've been here, but nothing over the top."

Lucas looked at the bartender and could feel his anger growing. He couldn't believe he would allow her to get this bad. Lucas took a deep breath though, he knew it wasn't the bartenders fault Brooke had overdone it.

"I know, sorry, I'm just protective over her. Thanks man." Lucas reached into his wallet and pulled out a handful of $20s, putting them on the counter, "That should cover her."

The bartender nodded in appreciation as Luke bent down to scoop Brooke into his arms, he knew there was no way she was going to be walking on her own. As he gathered her into his arms and pulled her close, he breathed in her scent and frowned, her usual flowery scent was now obstructed by the unmistakable odor of vodka.

Lucas knocked on the door to Nathan and Haley's suite. Haley came to the door and once she spotted Brooke, concern washed over her face.

"Please tell me she's just tired and fell asleep."

Lucas nodded, "No such luck. You should have seen the tab she ran up Hales, its bad."

As Lucas made his way into the suite, Nathan came from the other room. As soon as he saw Brooke he shook his head, "Why don't you bring her into our room, she'll be most comfortable in there."

Lucas nodded in agreement and followed his brother down the hall. Haley followed closely and once Lucas laid Brooke on the bed, Haley went over to the dresser to fish out some clothes for her.

"I'm just going to get her out of that dress. She'll be more comfortable that way."

"Okay, I'll give her some privacy." Lucas said as he left the room.

He had seen Brooke naked plenty of times in the years past, but somehow now it felt like a violation. He didn't want to encroach on her privacy that much, take away anymore of her dignity than he knew she would already feel she had lost.

Lucas paced out in the hallway, anxious to get back in there and make sure Brooke was tucked in safely.

"Um, Lucas, can you come in here?" Haley called from the bedroom.

Lucas rushed back into the room, worried Brooke was getting sick or something. He walked in and saw Haley looking down at Brooke's arms.

"What's going on Hales?"

"Look at this Luke, these marks on her arms. I didn't notice these at dinner."

Lucas looked closely. There were handprints on her upper arms. Lucas turned away, cradling his head in his hands, willing the red wall of anger to lift from behind his eyes. Suddenly, he reached out and punched the wall.

"That bastard," He exclaimed, "He hurt her. I swear Hales, I'll kick the…"

"Lucas calm down. Getting irrational won't help her out now. I do want a picture of this though. Go ask Nathan for the camera, it's charging, he'll know where it is."

"Nate," Lucas called as he walked through the suite, "I need the camera, Haley says it's charging."

Nathan heard him and immediately grabbed it from its cradle. "Here you go. What's going on?" He asked as he handed it to Lucas.

"It's Brooke. There are some marks on her arm. That bastard hurt her Nate."

The brothers made their way into the bedroom and Lucas handed turned the camera on.

"Make sure the date and time stamp are on. We'll need that if this goes to court." Haley reminded him, always able to keep her cool and be the level headed lawyer.

Lucas nodded and took a couple of pictures. Haley had finished dressing Brooke so Lucas tucked her in and the friends retreated from the room. In an after thought Nathan grabbed the trash can and placed it next to the bed, just in case. He remembered Brooke having done that for him on more than one occasion back in the day.

"I can't believe this." Lucas cried out once they were back in the living room. "I can't believe he would do this to her."

"What do you want to do about it man?" Nathan asked, already knowing what the response would be.

"What do you think? I want to go and pay the asshole a visit, give him a little warning about laying his hands on her again."

Nathan stood up, "Let's go man. I'm with you all the way."

Lucas felt a tiny smile peek through, he knew he was lucky to have a brother who would always be there, but even more he loved him because he knew that Nathan was doing this more for Brooke than anyone else. Nathan wouldn't stand for Brooke being treated badly anymore than Lucas would, no matter what was going on between Brooke and Lucas.

"Hales, we'll be back later."

"Oh god, just try not to kill him." Haley said as she stood on her tip toes and leaned in to plant a quick kiss on Nathan's lips. "But, if you do, I promise I'll make bail." She called out teasingly in an afterthought.

The two started for the door and Haley suddenly stopped them, "Wait guys, I just remembered something."

Haley went into the study and rifled through her briefcase, finally unearthing what she had been looking for.

She made her way back into the entryway and stood facing two very puzzled brothers.

"What's that?" Lucas finally asked, as she frantically flipped through the pages.

"The prenup, just give me one…second…here it is. Now this is odd, a little out of the ordinary for a prenup, especially with a family as well off as Devon's, but I'm guessing his father slipped it in there without him knowing. This, right here." Haley pointed to a section and handed it to Lucas.

Lucas read it over as did Nathan, who was peering over Lucas' shoulder. Both boys weren't really sure what they were reading underneath all the lawyer speak.

Haley could tell that they weren't getting it. "What it boils down to, is if there is ever any proof of domestic violence, Brooke is entitled to half of everything."

For the first time all night a genuine smile formed on Lucas' face, not one of happiness though, it was in fact quite a sinister smile.

"Thanks Hales." Lucas said, leaning down to plant a quick kiss on her cheek. "Let's go Nate."

Nathan nodded and the brothers were out the door and on their way to fight for Brooke and her honor.

----

Devon paced through the living room, still concerned as to what Brooke meant earlier when she said she wouldn't walk away empty handed. It wasn't merely the fact that Brooke had said she had a plan. His lovely wife always seemed to devise some sort of plan whenever the going got tough. The part that concerned him was that she had stood up for herself against him. That had never happened before.

His years with Brooke had been so bearable because she really had been just what he wanted, a trophy wife to accompany him to various social functions. Devon had known from day one that she would be good at that, but much to his surprise, she was good at many other things.

She was a wonderful cook, always preparing him lavish dinners. She ran a tight ship, and while she would only allow one maid, she did everything that was overlooked or that there wasn't time for the maid to do. Devon never once came home to a messy house.

More importantly than any of that, she never talked back. She was very compliant, always following Devon's orders. He had known that she did this, no matter how crazy his demands were, because she enjoyed the life of comfort that she had grown so accustomed too. But now, now she was standing up for herself when she really had everything on the line and that unnerved him.

Devon never wanted this marriage to end in divorce. A man in his position, with his wealth and status, could not be without a wife, it was just socially unacceptable. Brooke had been so easy to live with, and usually such a pleasure to be around, that he could see their arrangement continuing on for years. Now though, he knew it was another story.

Lost in his own thought, Devon almost didn't hear the knock on the door, but the frantic ringing of the doorbell pulled him from his thoughts and back to reality.

Walking through the entryway he wondered who it could be at this hour. He discovered, after having barely opened the door and having it subsequently pushed in, that it was Lucas and Nathan.

"I didn't invite you in." Devon stated.

"No worries, we weren't waiting for an invitation." Nathan informed him.

Nathan had never minded Devon. They had had dinner together, with their wives, many times throughout the years. Devon always seemed genuinely interested in talking basketball, and as far as Nathan was concerned, that was pretty much all it took to get on his good side. Most importantly, it had always seemed that Brooke was happy with him.

Nathan had seen Brooke go through some tough times, and he knew a lot of that attributed to Lucas. It was a relief to Nathan when Brooke married Devon because it seemed that Brooke finally found someone to be happy with. It wasn't until Nathan began to hear from Haley what was really going on behind closed doors that Nathan began to dislike Devon. Now, Nathan and moved on to complete and utter hatred.

"What's going on?" Devon asked, attempting to not sound intimidated.

"What do you think is going on? We're here to talk about Brooke." Nathan started.

"Actually, we originally came to kick your ass, but then we got some information that I thought you might like to discuss."

"And what would that be?" Devon asked, visibly nervous.

"It seems Brooke had some marks on her arms, as though someone had grabbed and squeezed her. And since you were the only one around her since I left here, I really don't have to think hard to figure out who made them." Lucas stated.

"You're crazy."

"We took a picture…" Lucas began.

Nathan interrupted, "It will hold up in court. Believe me man, my wife will make sure Brooke gets hers."

Lucas interjected, "And to clear up any confusion, by get hers we mean her share of your empire."

"In case you missed it in your prenup, there's a clause that states that if there is any domestic violence, Brooke is entitled to half of everything." Nathan finished off.

Devon turned white as a ghost. It wasn't even the money that was such a concern, it was his reputation. Many of the men that worked for him, and men that invested with him, had families that they worshipped, even so much as a rumor of wife beating would destroy him.

"I barely touched her, we were arguing, I grabbed her, it wasn't meant to be hard." He tried to defend himself.

"Whether or not it was meant to be hard, the bruises it left speak to just how hard it really was." Lucas informed him.

"Nothing like this has _ever_ happened before. Plus, there's no way she could prove it."

"Oh Devon." Nathan began, as he reached out and slapped his hand on Devon's shoulder, "My wife, the lawyer, made sure to get the necessary photographs. I know that Haley may seem sweet and innocent, but in court she is like a completely different person. Trust me man, you don't want to cross her path, especially when it's her best friend she's defending."

Nathan searched Devon's face for a reaction. Nathan, and Lucas, both knew perfectly well that Haley would never be able to defend Brooke in court, not with her air tight contract with the Knicks. Still, Nathan hoped that Devon didn't realize this. Judging from the look on his face, Devon had no idea that Nathan was fibbing.

Devon thought carefully before opening his mouth again. He had a lot on the line here. His reputation was at stake, and that really was what was most important to him, it always had been. He knew he was dancing on a line right now, and one step on the wrong side, he would be in deep.

Devon said nothing. He just stood there, arms crossed over his chest, nodding in understanding.

The brothers turned and headed for the door, and just as they were about to shut it behind them Lucas turned and walked back in.

Devon's eyes widened in surprise, just before Lucas wound up and punched him smack in the nose.

"That's just a little bit of insurance that you will never, ever, lay a hand on Brooke again."

With that Lucas turned and caught up with Nathan, who was walking towards the car.

"Ya good?" Nathan asked after they got into the car.

"I'm good." Lucas confirmed, anxious to get back to Brooke at the hotel.

---

"Has she woken up?" Lucas asked Haley as soon as they returned to the suite.

"No, she's still out like a light."

Lucas turned and headed towards the bedroom. Grabbing a chair from the nearby den, he placed it right next to the bed and sat there, just watching her sleep.

Normally Lucas' mind would be running rampant, trying to construct some sort of plan, but now there really wasn't any plan to formulate. Lucas would watch over Brooke until she awoke and then he would confront her about the drinking. He would make her talk to him, make her tell him what's going on. There was nothing she could do or say to get out of it this time, she had a serious problem and Lucas would not let her run from it anymore.

After a little while Brooke began to stir. Finally, her eyes flitted open.

"Lucas?"

"Hey there Pretty Girl," he reached towards her, tenderly brushing her hair away from her face, "How are you feeling?"

"Like I got hit by a bus." Brooke said, trying to make light, even chuckle a little. This proved to be an awful idea though. Her stomach lurched at the movement.

"Luke?" She asked, knowing that she was going to be sick in a matter of seconds.

Lucas knew the look on her face and grabbed the nearby wastebasket. He held it up for her just in time, and she emptied the contents of her stomach.

"Feel better?"

"Not really." Brooke said. Her eyes widening again.

Lucas held out the wastebasket just in time for Brooke to get sick once again.

She leaned back on the pillow, her face ashen. "I think I need a cold shower that usually helps."

Lucas nodded and reached out to help her from the bed. He guided her down the hall and started the shower. She looked up at him, grateful for the help, and he excused himself.

Brooke got into the shower, her legs shaky and unstable. As the spray beat down on her back she leaned into the linoleum wall, the coolness refreshing against her cheek. She hoped that this would somehow stop the shower from spinning around her.

No such luck though, and almost without warning, everything went black.

Lucas, Haley and Nathan heard a thud come from the bathroom. Lucas raced down the hall and burst into the bathroom. He peeled back the shower curtain and found Brooke crumpled up on the floor of the shower.

He pulled her from the shower and wrapped her in one of the plush bathrobes that had been hanging over the door. Brooke came to a bit and he held her close, rubbing her arms hoping to warm her up.

"Do you want to get back into bed?" He asked, unsure as to what she needed.

Brooke shook her head no and Lucas tightened his arms around her and just held her tiny body tight, knowing that there wasn't really anything else he could do.

Nathan and Haley waited for a few minutes before pushing the door of the bathroom open a bit to make sure everything was okay.

They saw Brooke curled up in Lucas' lap, her hair wet and matted against her face, a bathrobe wrapped around her. Her head lay perfectly in the curve of his neck, the top of her head underneath her chin. Lucas craned his neck, planting a soft kiss on the top of her head, the tenderness of which caused both Nathan and Haley to smile.

Both Nathan and Haley knew right then, that not matter how bad the ensuing days might be, Lucas and Brooke had somehow found a moment where nothing else mattered except the two of them clinging to each other, finally able to find comfort in one another.


	11. In the Arms of an Angel

**Author's note:** Just a reminder, in this story Brooke and Lucas broke up because she found out about him having HCM and having lied about it to her. I mention that in here and just wanted to remind you that this doesn't follow the show, I wrote it before all of the Peyton drama at the end of the season.

Chapter 11- In the Arms of an Angel

As she awoke she felt torn between submitting to the coolness against her cheek and the aching pain in her head. Forcing her eyes open, she realized that that coolness came from the tile floor of Nathan and Haley's bathroom. She tried to think back to last night, but had little success. The aching in her head coupled with the fact she was crumpled up on the bathroom floor certainly wasn't a good sign. Then, she felt the strong arm that was draped over her stomach pull her closer. Lucas.

She smiled a little, knowing that he cared enough to sleep on the bathroom floor with her. She was then filled with dread. Judging by her headache she was quite certain that the previous night has been pretty bad, and she knew that there was no way she could avoid talking to him about it now.

Brooke rolled onto her back slowly, careful not to awake him. She tilted her head just a bit to that she could see his face. His concern and worry for her were evident even though his eyes were closed.

Looking at him took her back to a time when everything was okay, a time before the HCM broke them up. It used to be Brooke and Lucas against the world. She liked to think back to those times whenever things got bad. It took her to a time where she knew what she was doing, where she was going, but then it all crumbled.

She tried not to blame him for it. She tried not to remember that it was his lies that had broken them up, but it was. Still, he was here for her. When it came down to it, he showed up when she really needed him, even if she wouldn't admit that need.

She felt him moving a little besides her and she looked at him intently. As his eyelids lifted she became captivated by those baby blues, they were what had won her over in the first place all those years ago.

"Good morning Pretty Girl, how are you feeling?" He asked softly.

"I've had better days." She spoke in a husky whisper, she sound of which stirred something deep inside of him, something that he knew he had to ignore for the time being.

"Can I get you some Tylenol or something, water? Anything?"

Brooke nodded slowly, not really wanting him to get up from besides her. "Some Tylenol would be great."

Lucas nodded and slowly untangled himself from her. A small groan escaped as he did this, surprising them both.

Lucas stood and rifled through a small bag on the counter besides the sink. He unearthed a bottle of Tylenol and shook a couple into his hands. He reached out, turning on the faucet, and after waiting for the water to get cold, he filled a glass for her. As he turned to her she hoisted herself up so that she sat against the wall.

"Thanks." She said as she reached for the glass of water. She popped the pills into her mouth and slowly drank the water, savoring the coolness that flowed through her insides as she drank.

"Rough night." Lucas stated as he sat back down besides her, not really expecting much in return.

Brooke nodded in agreement. Suddenly feeling slightly embarrassed, she was pretty sure it was bad.

They sat there in silence for a few more minutes, both reluctant to leave the bathroom. It somehow felt like a safe place, like whatever was on the other side of the door couldn't touch them in the bathroom. Brooke knew that the only thing waiting on the other side of that door was life, and as badly as she wanted to escape it, there wasn't any way to make it all go away.

Brooke reached up to grab the rod of the towel rack and pulled herself from the ground. It took her a minute to catch her footing, as the room spun around her as she stood.

"Ready?" He asked, looking up at her.

She nodded and he pulled himself up off the floor, placed a hand in the small of her back, and led her from their safe place into the harsh world.

Brooke went into Nathan and Haley's bedroom and found her dress neatly folded on a chair. She shut the door behind her and quickly got dressed.

"How is she?" Haley asked as Lucas entered the living room.

"Hungover."

"I bet." Haley smiled, attempting to let him know that it would all work out.

Moments later Brooke emerged from the bedroom, clad in her dress from the night before, her hair pulled atop her head in a messy bun.

Brooke smiled when she caught sight of Haley, and then frowned when she saw what she was doing. Haley was cleaning out a trash can, Brooke was quite certain the need for that was that Brooke had gotten sick the night before. She became embarrassed and could feel her cheeks flush.

"I'm sorry Haley. I…"

"Shh. It's okay. We've all had a rough night or two in our life. There's no need for apologies. I married Nathan Scott remember? This isn't the first garbage can I've had to clean out." Haley tried to make light.

"Thanks." Brooke whispered, still rather embarrassed.

"I'll take you home now." Lucas started, "Unless you think he will be there."

Brook shook her head, "No, he had an early flight today. He's gone for the next few weeks, unless he orchestrates another surprise visit."

Lucas looked to Nathan, who had been sitting silently at the dining room table. "I wouldn't worry about that too much."

Brooke looked curiously between the two brothers, but decided to wait until later to figure out what their glances were about.

Lucas stood and walked towards the door of the suite, opening it for Brooke.

As she began to walk out she turned to Nathan and Haley, "I'm sorry again for last night."

"Apologies are never necessary between friends." Haley smiled. "Feel better, I'll call you later."

Brooke nodded and followed Lucas out the door.

Hours later Brooke soaked in her marble tub filled to the top with lilac scented bubbles. Holding her breath she pulled her head beneath the water and relished in the immediate silence that surrounded her.

Emerging from underneath the bubbly water, she looked towards the closed bathroom door, again feeling as though she was in a safe place. She knew that on the other side of that door was Lucas, and he was waiting.

He had been kind enough to wait until she was feeling better to even broach the subject of what had happened the night before. Brooke knew that once she was out of the bath, he would bring it up. She knew that she had to talk to him. She couldn't avoid him any longer.

Pulling herself from the bath, she reached for her towel. After toweling herself off, she pulled on the pair of sweat pants and the t-shirt she had brought into the bathroom with her. And after brushing her hair, she reached for the door knob, took a deep breath, and entered her bedroom, noticing an obviously anxious Lucas sitting on the edge of her bed.

"Feel better?" He asked.

"Much, that bath really did the trick." Brooke smiled at him.

"Brooke we need to…"

"I know." She interrupted. "Trust me, I know."

She walked over to the bed and sat beside him, her face riddled with angst.

"Does that happen a lot?" He asked, trying to ensure his voice was filled with empathy and not in any way accusatory.

"Which part? Me getting drunk, or passing out at a bar?" She asked, clearly already feeling defensive.

"Both."

"It certainly wasn't the first time I've been that drunk, but it was the first time I've passed out at a bar. I promise you Lucas, that was the lowest I've ever been. I swear that to you."

Lucas looked at her, wanting to believe her, but not sure that he had any cause to.

"How long has this been going on, the drinking I mean?"

"Six months or so." She stated shortly.

"What started it?" He looked intently at her, pleading for some clue as to what made her feel this low.

"I don't know." She said, averting his glance.

"Brooke, please, just talk to me."

Brooke shook her head, her eyes filling with tears. "I can't."

Lucas reached out and took her hand. "I won't judge, I promise."

"You will judge. Everyone judges. They've always judged. You want to know what happened Lucas? I just couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take the pressure to be so much. Is that so wrong?"

Lucas shook his head. "Not at all. But what pushed you to this Brooke? I know it can't be just the pressure of people's expectations. We all face that, you've always faced it and managed to handle it. Something else had to have happened."

Brooke looked up at Lucas, her eyes clouded with tears, her bottom lip quivering. She knew the moment she opened her mouth she would lose it. She sat there for a minute drawing in deep breaths, trying to regain her composure.

"He didn't want a baby Luke, he didn't want the one thing I wanted more than anything. It got so bad, it hurt so much, I just couldn't handle it anymore, couldn't handle being sad everyday. I had to do something to feel better."

"There are other ways Brooke."

Brooke finally looked up at him again, "None that are as quick and effective as a little wine, or vodka, or scotch, whatever my chosen poison of the night is. Nothing works quite like that. I can escape for the night, wake up, and face the world again."

"How often?" Lucas asked. "How often are you drinking?"

"Every time it hurts."

"It doesn't make you feel better, it doesn't make it better Brooke. It just makes you numb to it Brooke. It isn't helping."

Brooke shook her head and stood up off the bed, rushing towards the door. Lucas realized she was trying to run and dashed before her, standing between her and the door.

"You aren't leaving this room yet Brooke. You can't run away."

"You can't tell me what to do, you have no right. You aren't my boyfriend, god, you aren't even my friend." She pointed her finger accusingly as she spoke.

"You can say every hurtful thing you can think of but I'm not leaving because I am your friend, and you know that. Keep throwing out the insults Brooke, I'm not going anywhere. Not this time. I won't let you hide."

Brooke stood before him stunned. She didn't know what to say. Brooke stood her ground, her arms crossed over her chest. She wouldn't back down. This was her life, she needed to control it.

They stood there looking at each other, both daring the other to step down. Suddenly, Brooke crumbled, her tiny body wracked with sobs. Lucas reached out and pulled her into him, she fought him, punching his chest.

"Don't. Just let me go Lucas, please just let me go."

Lucas held her tighter, the harder her tiny fists punched his chest he held her tighter, knowing that letting her go was the worst thing he could do. "Not this time."

Finally she stopped punching, her body went weak, and she let herself melt into him. He held her tighter still as she sobbed into his chest. He felt his shirt soaking through with her tears, but still he didn't let her go.

After what seemed like hours her tears subsided. Lucas loosened his grip on her and she melted to the ground. He sat across from her on the floor.

"Talk to me about it Brooke, please, talk to me about it."

She shook her head, so wary of letting him in. Then she looked into his eyes and knew that he genuinely cared. Finally, she let her walls down and let him in.

"I walk through the mall and see all of the mothers pushing their babies in their strollers. I go into stores and sift through the racks of baby clothes, imagining how I would dress my baby."

Lucas listened intently as she spoke and noticed how her eyes clouded over and it seemed as though she was somewhere else, somewhere where she could safely bask in her dreams.

"I tell him over and over how much it hurts me, how much I want a baby. I want a family, my own family. I want to do all of those things my mother never did with me. But he always says no, that everything is perfect the way it is, just the two of us. It isn't though, it isn't what I want, not at all I want. I see so much more than just the two of us. I yearn for so much more. I can see it Luke, the life I want. I can see myself pushing the stroller through the park. I can see myself pushing my little girl on the swings. I can see us shopping and going to movies. I can see myself helping her with her homework, watching her at ballet class. God, I can see her so vividly it's like its real."

Tears were running down her cheeks, but she maintained her composure. Her words flowed from somewhere deep inside of her, somewhere she had tried to hide from for so long. Lucas was mesmerized by her words.

"She's so beautiful. She has this dark brown hair, just like me. She has bright blue eyes and milky skin…." Brooke stopped abruptly when she saw the look on Lucas' face. He too had gone to somewhere far away as she spoke, but something she had said had ripped him back to reality. "What?"

"Your daughter, the little girl you imagine?" He looked to Brooke, she nodded, urging him on. "She's supposed to be our daughter Brooke. Not you and Devon, me and you. I've imagined her thousands of times, we've imagined her. Don't you remember?"

She thought for a moment, then suddenly she could remember. All of those times, laying on his bed, talking about their future. They were going to start with two kids, a boy and a girl. Brooke wanted the girl first. Lucas secretly wanted the boy first but was happy to indulge her in her fantasy of her first child being a girl. She would have Brooke's hair and Lucas' eyes. She would have Brooke's carefree outlook on life and Luke's deep artistic side, the ideal combination of their distinguishing traits.

"How could I forget? That was our dream."

Lucas nodded. "Once upon a time it was supposed to be Brooke and Lucas, our two children, a dog, our house with the big backyard. I've held those dreams close to me Brooke. When nothing else in my life was right, I clung to those memories, those times where all that mattered was us. I can't let those things go."

Brooke hugged her knees to her chest. "I can't believe I forgot." She lost herself in thought again. And then, minutes later, began to speak softly. "I didn't forget. It was always there. You were always there. No matter how hard I tried. There were still those times, those times I yearned for you, those times I imagined it was you who would come home to me at the end of the day."

"I'm sorry that I took those things away from you, I'm sorry that our dreams didn't come true and you were left with all this pain."

"There were even times I looked at Devon, when we made love, and I saw you. I wanted it to be you so bad." She looked down at the ground, embarrassed by this.

Lucas sat there, looking intently at her, not knowing what to say. "I'm so sorry Brooke, I'm sorry for all of it. Even those things that I really can't control, I feel like it all put you here. Let me make up for that now though. Let me be that guy. You hit rock bottom last night Brooke, and watching it tore me up inside, so please let me help you get better. I don't know what the future holds for us, and now that isn't what's important. What is important is that I am here, now, begging you to let me in. Begging you to let me help you. Please, let me help you Brooke." He looked at her, waiting for her answer.

She nodded, reluctantly at first then knew there was no use in fighting in. There wasn't anything she could say to make him go away. In truth, she didn't want to. "Please don't leave me Lucas, not again." She whispered, and, looking up at him, he nodded.

"I'm not going anywhere this time Pretty Girl." He reached out, pulling her into him, holding her as her body wracked with sobs.

Finally she looked up at him. "What do I do Lucas? How did it get this bad?" She asked him, praying he had answers.

He sat there thinking for a minute. He knew that it was no longer important how she got to this point, the only thing that mattered now was making sure that he could help her, help bring back the girl that he had met all those years ago, bring back Brooke Davis.

"I can't tell you how it got this bad Brooke, only you know that. But I can tell you that it's going to get better."

"How do you know that?"

"Because it's you and me against the world now Brooke, together we will get you through this."

Brooke bit the edge of her lip as she looked at him, "I don't know how to stop."

"We'll figure it out, together."

Brooke nodded. The two sat in silence across from each other on the floor, both looking at each other and hoping that they would be enough, that together they could get through this.

Finally Brooke broke the silence, "It's getting late. I'll make us some dinner."

Lucas nodded and began to stand up off the floor. Reaching down, he pulled Brooke up as well.

He reached for the door when she called out, "Wait."

He turned to her, puzzled, and she reached up, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulled him close. He wrapped his arms around her just as she stood on her tip toes and whispered into his ear, "Thank you."

Lucas said nothing. There were no more words. Not now. They had said all they could say. Now, all he could do was be there for her. He finally had a chance to make up for the past and he was going to do all he could for her.

Lucas just prayed that that would be enough.


	12. Harder to Breathe

Author's note: I know, it's been way to long. There's this awful rumor they tell first year law students about their first semester being the worst. It's a blatant lie, second semester is much, much harder. I wish I could say, with honesty, that I'll try to update this soon, but I can't. I hope to be able to, but I have this awful professor who thinks 100 pages a night is a light assignment. But, I can promise, there's still much more to go, and even if you have to wait til classes are out in May, it will be worth it. Also, this chapter is kind of a bridge. I need it to take me to the next chapter where it starts to get heated again.

Chapter 12- Harder to Breathe

Lucas busied himself setting the table. He could hear the bacon sizzling in the kitchen and knew he needed to rush back to check on it. Brooke liked her bacon crispy, but not burnt. If it was burnt she scrunched up her face face and accompanied that with a trademark "ew."

Walking into the kitchen he alternated flipping the eggs, checking the bacon, squeezing the orange juice and buttering the toast. As he did, he found himself whistling and smiled a bit. He couldn't believe how great things had been.

It had been a week since Brooke had finally let down her walls. He knew that helping her through this was a big job, but he was ready. So far, it had been going well. He was keeping a close watch on her, without being too overbearing, and he was confident that she hadn't taken a drink in an entire week.

Sometimes it was hard. She had some symptoms of withdrawal, and there were lots of times that it was obvious to him she wanted to drink, but Lucas just busied her with other things, whether it be grueling chick flicks, or hour long conversations, he did whatever was necessary.

Admittedly, spending all of this time with her was a dream come true for him. He knew that she had a lot to work through, and until she was better, and everything was taken care of, there was no chance for them. But, he knew that once she got to that point, they would start something back up. He couldn't wait for that day. The day that the Nilson was gone from her last name and they could finally start their life together.

One day at a time. Lucas knew it had to be that way. Still though, he couldn't help but think eagerly about their future.

Brooke smeared her hand over the steam that fogged the mirror. Through the streaks her hand left, she was able to catch an image of herself. The person looking back at her was barely recognizable.

There used to be a twinkle in her eyes. She used to wear a sultry smile no matter how bad things got. Now though, her eyes were void of emotion, rimmed with deep, black circles. And even when she was able to will herself to smile, it wasn't the same. She wasn't the same. Too much damage had been done.

Lucas had always been her rock. He was always strong, always told her that it would all be okay. She wanted to believe him now, she really wanted to. But she just wasn't sure. She worried her problems might be too much, even for him.

She knew he was trying. And he was doing such a great job. He was very supportive, making sure to keep her busy when he knew she wanted to drink. He was trying to give her enough help that the daily grind of life didn't get her down. She just wasn't sure it was enough.

It was nice though, having him there. They ran errands together, cooked dinner together, just enjoyed making up for lost time. Brooke knew he wanted more though. She did too, she just knew that it was going to be a long time, a really long time, before she would have anything to give to him.

Her marriage to Devon had torn her up inside. She felt conflicted about that, about letting Lucas see just how deep the wounds went. For some reason, she felt that she needed to preserve the image Lucas had of her. Brooke Davis, the one woman that could complete Lucas' life. She didn't want him to know just how much she had loved Devon, how much she still did. No matter how awful he had been to her, no matter how many times he made her cry, Brooke still loved him. Getting over that would take time.

Sure, it was easy to let Lucas in. When he held her in his arms, everything really felt right. She never had that with Devon. Still, she couldn't give Lucas all of her heart until she had mended it back into one piece.

Sucking in a deep breath she looked at her distorted reflection one last time, turned on her heel, and headed towards her closet, ready to start the day.

Just as he poured the last drops of orange juice into their glasses, Brooke breezed into the kitchen, a smile plastered across her face. She caught sight of breakfast and sat down at the table, her smile turning to one of gratitude.

As Lucas walked by her he grazed the top of her head with a light kiss before sitting across from her at the table.

"This looks great Luke." She picked up her fork and started in on her eggs.

He just smiled, watching her as she enjoyed the first bites, washing it down with orange juice.

"So what's on the table for today?"

After washing down her mouthful of food with another large gulp of orange juice, she thought for a moment.

"Well, I figured I would go to the grocery store before heading into the boutique. We're running low on milk and I want to pick up some stuff for dinner tonight…"

Lucas smiled, "Great, I'll head to the store with you."

Brooke nodded before continuing, "Then I have to head to the boutique, do a little bit of ordering, and then I have that lunch with Haley. To discuss…"

Her voice trailed off. Lucas laid his hand over hers for reassurance. There was no need for her to continue, Lucas knew what the lunch was about. It was time to get the paperwork moving on the divorce.

Regaining her composure she began to speak again, "Then I figured I could come home and make us a nice dinner. And maybe just a quiet night in tonight? Some ice cream and a movie?"

She smiled, trying to make it seem like an alluring and novel prospect. Truth be told, that was what they did every night. It was all Brooke was up for these days.

"That sounds great."

Lucas thought about trying to find the words to reassure her that her lunch with Haley wouldn't be too painful, but he could tell she didn't want to talk about it anymore. So, they finished their breakfast and then headed off to the store to begin their day.

After Brooke dropped Lucas back at the house so she could head to work, he hurried into the kitchen to put away the groceries.

He was almost done, and ready to rush off to meet Nathan for lunch, when his cell phone vibrated atop the counter next to him.

"How's she doing Luke?" Peyton asked, knowing the two were too close for formal hellos.

Peyton was worried about what his answer to her question would be. Peyton had not heard from Brooke since the whole drunk driving incident with Jenny. She took solace in the fact that Lucas was there with Brooke, but that didn't diminish her worry.

"She's doing better Peyton. But honestly, it was pretty rough for a couple of days."

"Why? What happened?" Peyton felt her heart race, this wasn't what she wanted to hear.

"She got ridiculously drunk this one night and passed out in the bar at Nathan and Haley's hotel. But honestly, I can't say I blame her. She had a bad night. Devon just showed up, and..." His voice trailed off, he knew that his next words would upset Peyton. He himself could feel his anger rising as the events of that night rushed back. "He hurt her Peyton."

"Hurt her? What do you mean, hurt her?" Devon had always been somewhat of a jerk, but Peyton never thought he'd lay a hand on Brooke.

"Hurt her, squeezed her. She had bruises on her arms."

Peyton's eyes widened in surprise, "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, it wasn't too bad. Nathan and I took care of it, and trust me, it won't happen again."

"Have you broken down those classic Brooke Davis walls yet Luke? Has she let you in?" Peyton hoped that her gut had been right and Lucas had been able to get through, that he had been able to work that magic that only he and Peyton had ever possessed.

"Yeah, she finally did."

"So what's next?" Peyton wanted to hear a plan. She wanted something concrete. She needed to know that her best friend was going to be okay.

Lucas thought for a moment, "We take it one day at a time. There isn't much else we can do. I'll be here for her every step of the way."

"I will be too." Peyton spoke softly, knowing that Brooke didn't want her help.

"Have you guys talked yet?" Lucas knew that they had had an awful blow out right before Lucas got there, he didn't know the details but he did know that it had been the straw that broke the camel's back and made Peyton call him.

"Nope, and I'm not surprised. No one really wants someone to call them an alcoholic and point out that they aren't capable of handling their own life."

"You were telling the truth Peyton, someday she'll realize that. She might even thank you." Lucas hoped to somehow diffuse the situation.

"Even if that day comes, she still owes me an apology. She risked Jenny's life Luke, that isn't something I can just overlook."

Lucas nodded, "I know, trust me. But don't worry, you guys will work through it, just give her time. She's doing much better each day."

"Really?" Peyton asked curiously. She felt a nervous feeling creep into her stomach. Maybe Lucas didn't realize what he was really up against.

"Yes, so much better. She's been working more, really keeping herself busy. We've kind of settled into a routine. And honestly, it's nice."

Peyton found herself frowning. A routine? It's like they were playing house. Meanwhile, the ink hadn't even dried on the separation papers.

"Nice? I never thought that's how I would hear you explain all of this. I'm kind of surprised Luke. Maybe you're taking this too fast or something."

Lucas shook his head profusely, even though he knew she couldn't see it through the phone. "I'm not. I'm helping her, that's all. But still, I know what the future holds for us."

"One step at a time? Okay? Let's get her through this first."

Lucas grunted a little as he felt himself breaking, "I should have known you would be so unsupportive of this. You've always been jealous of what Brooke and I have. I mean really, what did I expect? That you'd be glad we are enjoying each other's company so much? That it's easy to be together, just like the old days? I can't believe I thought things had changed, that we had all moved on."

"Lucas, we all have moved on. Well, at least I have. It seems to me that maybe it's you that is stuck in the past. She's not ready for any of that, for you. It won't be that easy. You can't just fall back into it."

She was met with silence. An uncomfortable silence, one she knew meant she had crossed a line. But with all honesty, she felt it was a very necessary line to cross.

"Just be careful Luke, please."

With that she hung up the phone, leaving a dazed Lucas standing there with his phone nestled between his broad shoulder and his ear. Speechless.

It was going to be okay. Brooke was going to be okay. They would be okay, they just had to be.

Hours later, Brooke rushed out of the restaurant, praying she could make it into her car before the floodgates gave way. It wasn't going to be as easy as she had hoped. Sure, she was going to be able to keep the boutique, and it seemed as though Devon wasn't going to fight her for the house. And really, that was all she really wanted. Still though, it was just too much to handle.

Divorce. She hated that word. All she thought of was failure. She was a failure. She couldn't keep her marriage together. She couldn't keep her husband happy, keep him satisfied. Now here she was, separation agreement signed, awaiting divorce.

Alone. She was alone again. It was something she had tried to avoid her entire life. And now, it was all she could think about.

Of course she had Lucas, but it wasn't that easy. He was amazing, but still, she couldn't look at him without remembering their previous failure. Failure, there it was again. It seemed as though everything in her life ended in failure.

She wondered when things would turn around, if ever. When she would finally start feeling as though she was getting somewhere, somewhere good.

Climbing into her car, she held onto the steering wheel for dear life, just sitting there, willing herself to breathe. She tried to fight the tears, but before she knew it, they were streaming down her face. Sobs wracked her tiny body.

She was scared. Scared and alone.

Leaning over, she reached into the glove compartment and rummaged around. And then she found it, the cool glass beneath the tips of her fingers causing her a sudden feeling of calm.

She took the bottle in her hands and looked down at it. It had been a week. One whole week. She wasn't fine, even though she pretended to be. And right then, she knew that the only thing that would make it better would be that vodka.

She unscrewed the top, her fingers shaking. Glancing down, she saw that her chest was heaving, her breathing was so heavy. Her body needed this, it was aching for it.

She lifted the bottle to her lips and tipped her head back, allowing the liquid to flow down her throat. Placing the bottle between her legs, she leaned her head back further, shut her eyes, and welcomed the warm tingly feeling that raced through her insides as the alcohol coursed through her veins.

Taking another drink, she relished in the warm fuzziness that washed over her.

Now, everything really was okay.


	13. Right Here Waiting

**Author's note: **Yes, I know I suck at updating. But, that's the life of a law student, even in the summer apparently. I'll try to churn them out quicker now that things are settling down. I will have this story done before I start school back up in the end of August, so stick with me guys, it will be worth it.

Chapter 13- Right Here Waiting

"I trusted you Luke, I trusted you to make this better. And now look, look where it got us."

Lowering his head between his legs, he willed the room to stop spinning.

"Lucas, look at me. This isn't going to go away. You can't fix this on your own. We need help."

He didn't know what else he could have done. He held her hand when she was scared. He held her hair back when withdrawal made her sick. He had given up his life to come and help her through this. How had that not been enough?

"Say something Lucas. Are you even listening?"

He looked up at her, looked up at the Brooke's best friend in the entire world. It took all he had to look into her eyes, and utter the only words he could find, "I'm sorry."

He should have seen the signs quicker. They were there, he was sure of it. She couldn't have been that adept at covering it up.

He thought back to every night she came home, smelling so strongly of perfume and mouthwash. He should have known those were signs that she wasn't doing okay. But, he hadn't. Maybe it was wishful thinking that he was enough, that they were enough to get through it. Or maybe, he just didn't want to admit that he couldn't save her this time.

As he thought harder, he knew the day she cracked was the day she had lunch with Haley, the day she signed the separation papers. Brooke had been so anxious about that day, how could he have thought that she would get through it without drinking?

He shouldn't have left her side. He should have been there, every minute. He should have been there to pry the bottle from her hands when she thought that it was her only way out.

But he wasn't.

She needed him most and he wasn't there.

"So what do we do?" He asked, praying that Peyton had the answer, because for once, he didn't.

"An intervention." She stated it so matter of factly. It was as though she had been thinking about this for some time.

"No." He shook his head. "That will never work. She'll think we're attacking her. She'll get defensive. There has to be another way."

"There isn't."

"But then, she'll go to rehab." The thought of losing her, yet again, it was too much for him to bear.

"She needs to Luke. This thing, it's bigger than you and me. We can't help her through it. She needs professional help. She needs to be somewhere where someone is always there, someone that isn't the love of her life, or her best friend. Someone who can be strict with her. We just can't do that, we love her too much."

He tried to envision this intervention. He knew it wouldn't be pretty. He could already hear her firing off objections.

"But what about her store? Her house? Her friends? She's going to need answers to all of those things."

"Then we'll figure out the answers. I mean come on, she has great people working at her store already. I can oversee the day to day stuff. We can hire people to take care of the house. And her friends, well we'll always be there for her."

He still sat there, shaking his head.

"Come on Luke, you know this is best."

He bit his lip, and slowly, turned his gaze up to her. "I'm scared to lose her again. I'm so scared she won't come back to me."

Peyton immediately softened. Lucas' love for Brooke was so pure. Reaching out, she took his hand in hers.

"Lucas, this is the only way to ensure that you get her back. Without this, she's going to end up dead."

He felt tears well in his eyes as Peyton uttered that last word, dead. Death. This disease would kill Brooke. Peyton was right. Not stepping in, not helping, it could mean losing Brooke forever.

"Okay, what do we have to do?"

ooooOoooo

"That was such a great buy on those Christian Louboutain's, I'm so jealous." Brooke smiled as she handed the bag with the shoes to Haley.

They divvied up the rest of the bags among them, and headed into the house. Brooke didn't notice it, but Haley was walking behind her, slowly, as though there were something terrifying awaiting them in the house.

In truth, what was awaiting them was only meant to be terrifying for Brooke. But still, Haley feared that once she knew her part in it, Brooke would never forget her.

Brooke continued to talk and joke about their shopping expedition that had continued throughout the morning and into lunch. Her happy voice echoed throughout her vast entryway and trailed behind her as she walked into the living room.

Haley braced herself for what would happen next.

As Brooke turned the corner, she stopped abruptly. Haley finally picked up her pace and lightly prodded Brooke into the room.

It was just as Haley had imagined it, just as Lynn had described it. Lynn was the interventionist. Haley had done some research, and she came highly recommended.

Assembled in a circle was Brooke's whole world. They sat there, nervous looks on all of their faces, notebooks in hand, all praying that they could work together to save their friend.

"What's going on?" Brooke asked, as she tried to back away. She was met with firm resistance in the form of Haley's hand in her back.

"Hi Brooke, my name is Lynn. And your friends have called me here today to help them. They all have some things they would like to say, if you'll let them." Lynn gestured towards an open chair towards the center of the circle.

Brooke walked slowly towards the seat, and lowering herself slowly into it, she braced herself for what was to come.

"Marvin, if you would like to start us off." Lynn prompted.

Brooke tried, to no avail, to fight back a smile. She hadn't seen Mouth in years. She allowed a tiny smile to cross her face, which was met with one from him, but then his gaze was averted back down to the notebook he held firmly in his hands.

"Brooke, I remember when we first became friends. I felt so lucky to have such a beautiful girl, such a popular girl, pay any attention to me. Honestly, I thought it was too good to be true. But it wasn't long until I saw the girl behind those things, behind the cheerleading uniform, behind that smile, behind the popularity. I saw Brooke Davis. I learned that you are one of most genuine people to ever walk the earth. Your ability to make your friends smile is one of your best qualities. You can always break through whatever awful thing is happening, and just make me smile. I know that we've lost touch through the years. Neither of us are to blame, it comes with growing up. Still though, you are one of my best friends. As I've heard what has been going on throughout the past months my heart has broken for you. This isn't the life you deserve Brooke, the life you were meant for. You are meant for so much more. And it's out there, it really is, you just need to get a little help before you can find it. So please Brooke, get that help, and bring back that girl. Brooke, will you please accept the help we are offering you today?"

He took a breath before looking at her, his eyes pleading with her. But he could tell that his efforts were in vein.

Tears were flowing down her cheeks, but the stone cold look in her eyes said that his words had not been enough to penetrate.

Lynn saw this and turned to someone sitting on the other end of the circle, "Jake, it's your turn."

Jake took a deep breath. He had been nervous about this moment ever since Peyton approached him about it. Brooke and Jake had never had a friendship independent of Peyton, but still, Jake cared about her. Admittedly, he was still extremely upset over the drunk driving incident with Jenny, but he knew that right now he didn't have to be a father, he had to be a friend.

"We've known each other for a long time now Brooke. Granted, it was pretty much through Peyton that we were thrown together, but that doesn't make you any less important to me. If anything, it makes you even more important. You are Peyton's best friend, and I truly think the love of her life. Sure, she loves me, but the love she has for you goes so much further. She would do anything for you Brooke, absolutely anything. And I know that you feel that way about her. But right now, you can't be that person for her. Honestly, she can't be that person for you either. She can't fix this. So please, get help Brooke, let someone who knows what they're doing help you through this. Please, will you accept this help?"

Brooke had always liked Jake. He was good to Peyton, he always had been. But still, she had to admit, she didn't feel even a pang of guilt about what he was saying. So what if she couldn't be there for Peyton right now? Brooke's own problems were hard enough for her to handle. Why should she be expected to deal with Peyton's too? Peyton had Jake.

It was a clear indication to the entire room that the stone cold look on Brooke's face was a resounding no. Mouth had not broken through. Now, Jake had failed as well.

"Brooke," Lynn started, waiting for the petite brunette to look at her, "Do you even want to know what we're offering here? This rehabilitation facility, it's great. Top of the line. It would be more of somewhere you can go to rest, to escape everyday life, while having people there who can help you get better."

"I'm not going anywhere. I have too much going on here, I have my whole life here. My store, my house, my friends. I'm in the middle of a divorce. Now isn't the time."

Lynn drew in a deep breath, knowing this would not be easy.

"Nathan, it's your turn."

Brooke looked at Nathan. She was surprised to see that he seemed a little rattled. Big, bad, Nathan Scott, basketball star, sat there before her, his hands shaking as he leafed through the pages of the notebook in front of him.

"We've known each other for a long time Brooke. I can still remember when we first met, back in elementary school. I remember throwing sand at you on the playground during recess. I can picture you standing there in front of me, fists clenched, eyes narrowed, right before you wound up and nailed me right in nuts. You were feisty even back then Brooke. I've always admired that about you. You never, ever backed down from a difficult situation. Not even back then, so I'm not sure why you are now. I'll be the first to say that yeah, this sucks. I've had my heart broken too Brooke, you know that. I know what it feels like to have the world cave in around me. I turned to booze too, remember? And who was right there, willing to help pick me up? You were Brooke, you were always there. I remember you sitting there on my hospital bed after my race car crash, and you just sitting there, it was all I could have ever asked for. So please Brooke, let me repay that favor. Let me repay you for all of those years that you've been there for me. Please Brooke, take this help we're offering you. We're all here for you, we'll take care of the details, all you need to do is take care of you. Please, Brooke."

All she wanted to do was get up and hug him and cry. Nathan really was a good friend, he always had been. But she couldn't break, couldn't show an ounce of weakness. She knew that they would perceive that weakness as concession. And she was not going to concede. So she uncrossed her right leg from over her left, leaned back in her chair, crossed her arms and just glared around the circle.

"Haley, it's your turn."

"I used to envy you Brooke. Back before we were friends, back before you knew I even existed. You walked around Tree Hill High like you owned the place, probably because you did. You always seemed so sure of yourself. You had all of the boys chasing after you, you had all of the girls wanting to be you, and still, when I met you, I realized that you were the most caring and sincere person I had ever met. Our friendship was always easy. We never had those ups and downs that most friendship had to endure. Sure, we had our problems, but one of us always backed down before it got that bad. The thing that I'm still most thankful for was when you took me back after I came back to Tree Hill after touring. No one else was willing to give me a chance, and you opened up your home to me. I'll never forget that. And now, here we are, years later, and it's you that needs the help. The crazy thing about it, I still envy you. I always have. Do you want to know the worst part of that envy? I can only envy you because you didn't let me in on what was really going on. You kept up your walls, never letting me see that you were sad. I envied the life of my best friend because she wouldn't tell me the truth. But I know now Brooke, I know how bad you hurt, I know how hard life is for you. But I can't help you, none of us can. We cannot make it better. All we can do is ask that you get help. Because if it was any one of us, you would do the same. You would give us whatever we needed to feel better, to find our place. So please, Brooke, accept this help we're offering you, let us help you get better."

Brooke was surprised. She really didn't feel all that moved by Haley's "speech." Haley was usually so eloquent, but this time, it didn't even break through. Probably because Brooke didn't think she was one to talk. Haley walked away from her life when it got tough, when her marriage got tough all those years ago to follow a dream. Brooke would never do that. She would never follow that example. She wasn't about to go away and leave it all behind.

Lynn knew, just from her friends' initial descriptions of her, that breaking Brooke down, getting her to give in, was not going to be easy. But still, she hasn't thought it would be this hard. None of this was penetrating, the solid look on Brooke's face plainly conveyed that.

Lynn turned and nodded towards Lucas.

Lucas drew in a deep breath before he spoke. He had written pages upon pages of things he wanted to say, but now, sitting there across from her, none of it seemed quite right. Closing his eyes, he thought back to the first time he met her, all smiles in the back of his car in nothing but her bra. Smiling, he grabbed onto that memory to give him the strength to speak from his heart.

"Things between you and I have never, ever been easy. But, the one thing that always was easy was loving you. I can say, with absolute certainty, that I have been in love with you from nearly the first moment we met. I've never met anybody who had such a passion, such a love, for life and living it to its fullest. I am not going to sit here and talk about us, because that is, and I fear always will be, far more complicated than either of us are ever ready for. Right now, you and I don't matter, all that matters is you. I need you to get healthy again Pretty Girl, I need you to be okay. Now I know, that's a tall order. I know that you feel like it's so far gone, but Brooke, it isn't. It's totally salvageable, all of it. You can get your life back, you can be happy again. I promise. So please Brooke, will you accept this help we're offering to you today and go and get better? Please Brooke, think about it, I want my Pretty Girl back."

He sat there, knowing that there was nothing else to say. Their eyes had connected midway through his "speech." From her eyes it was obvious that he had broken her down a little bit, but not enough. This was confirmed by the slow and subtle shake of her head.

He diverted his eyes from hers, disappointed in himself. He should be able to break through, he should know what to say.

After he looked away, she sat there still staring at him. She knew everything he said he truly meant. She knew he loved her, and had for such a long time. Still though, she wasn't ready to admit it, admit that she needed help. She wasn't ready to walk away from her entire life, not now, not now that he was finally back in it.

"Peyton…." Lynn looked to the blonde and nodded.

"Brooke, I won't sit here and fluff your feathers. Sometimes you are a selfish bitch who can't see anybody but herself. You know that, I know that, face it, everyone in this room knows that. But still, even in those times when you are being a selfish bitch, you are the most fiercely loyal person I know. There isn't a person in this room, besides Lynn obviously, who you haven't stuck your neck out for on more than once occasion. You have been there for me like no one else in my entire life. Our friendship is the most pure and real thing I've ever had. Jake said it, you're the love of my life. You were a part of my childhood, a part of everything Brooke, that makes it such a deep friendship. I thought the other about what I would do if you died. The thought made me physically ill Brooke, I could literally feel waves of pain wash over me. I'm quite sure that if you weren't here anymore, I might not be able to go on. Maybe that's selfish of me, but you know what? I can be a selfish bitch sometimes too. So now, lets both be selfish, please. You go and be selfish and concentrate on yourself, and only on yourself, on getting better, on finding your happiness again. And I'll be selfish by begging you to do this because Brooke, I don't even want to imagine the hole you could leave in my life, and if you don't get help there's a very, very good possibly that you will die from this and that just isn't acceptable to me."

The entire group looked at Brooke for the first time in minutes, they had all been so mesmerized by the pure love that Peyton was exhibiting that they couldn't tear their eyes away from her.

Brooke had tears streaming down her cheeks, she'd sucked in her bottom lip, a sign that she was fighting back gut wrenching sobs.

No one spoke, the harsh reality of Peyton's words were still reverberating throughout the room, and no one dare break through that.

All of a sudden, Brooke launched herself across the room and pulled Peyton into a huge hug.

"I'm so sorry P. Sawyer. I never meant to put Jenny in danger, you have to know that." She whispered into her ear.

"I know Brooke, I know." Peyton whispered back as Brooke's body collapsed in sobs.

The two friends stood there, in the middle of the room, for countless minutes. Finally, once Brooke had collected herself, she took a step away and then slowly returned to her seat.

"If I go, will I get to keep in contact with my friends?" Brooke asked, her arms crossed over her chest once more, indicating only one answer would mean she would even entertain the thought of going.

"Yes and no." Lynn began. "For the first three days you will go through detox, and for those three days we do not allow phone calls or visits. After those three days, there will be a chance for phone calls everyday for two weeks. After those two weeks, if everything is going smoothly, you have unlimited phone and visiting privileges. We understand that you need your friends to get through this, but still, in the beginning, you have to let us to what we have to do to start you on the path to getting well."

Brooke nodded, seemingly finding the explanation acceptable. Slowly she began to nod.

"Okay, I'll go."

Smiles and tears broke out throughout the room and all of her friends lined up to give her a hug.

"You'd better call more often." She said to Mouth, "I've missed you."

He looked her in the eyes, "I promise Brooke."

Haley stepped up next, "I'm so sorry I didn't know Brooke…."

"Hey, stop, don't do that. You didn't know because I hid it, plain and simple."

Haley nodded and stepped back, allowing Nathan to wrap Brooke in his arms. The two did not exchange any words, none were needed. Brooke knew he'd always be there.

Finally Jake stepped up and after a second, he took Brooke in his arms.

"I'm so sorry about Jenny. I love that little girl so much Jake, I'd never do anything to hurt her, I swear."

Jake just nodded and hugged tighter, knowing that she was speaking the truth.

Lynn finally broke through the reverie, "Brooke, we really should get to the airport. Peyton and Lucas have packed some bags for you, I really think it's best we get on the next flight out."

Brooke nodded and smiled through her tears at her friends.

"Thanks guys, I love you all. And I expect lots of phone calls. And presents, lots and lots of presents."

Everyone laughed and began to filter out.

Brooke reached out and grabbed Lucas' hand.

"Wait Luke."

He turned to her and waited.

"You are enough, I just didn't let you be. I promise that I'm doing this for me, but a lot of it is because of you. And I need to know that you'll be here when I get out."

She smiled as a tear ran down her cheek, reaching out he brushed it away with his thumb and pulled her into his arms.

"Pretty Girl, nothing in the world could ever make me leave you now."


	14. Show Me How to Live

**Author's note: **Thanks so much for the reviews on the last chapter. I know it had been forever since I updated, and I appreciate everyone sticking around, I promise I'll try to make it worth it. So here's another chapter with my beloved Brucas….enjoy! Flashbacks are written in italics.

Chapter 14- Show Me How to Live

Curled up on her bed, her knees pulled tightly into her chest, she looked around her room. The soft peach curtains moved along with the light breeze she could feel dance over her bare arms. The sun beamed through the window across from her bed. She eyed the large oak desk where she'd spent so many late nights writing in her journal. The stack of letters sitting on the edge of the desk, letters from Peyton, Lucas and Haley. But what really caught her eye was the calendar hanging above the desk, Xs marking off day after day, up to tomorrow, the day with the bright red circle around it, the day she goes home.

Brooke remembered how scared she felt sitting in the intervention, so afraid to leave her life and friends behind. Now though, she was amazed that she was ever afraid of coming here because she felt that same amount of fear for tomorrow, fear to return home, fear to go back to the life that she hadn't been strong enough to live before.

'_Oh no!' She thought to herself as she rushed back into her private bathroom, leaning over the toilet just in time to empty the contents of her stomach, once again, into the porcelain bowl._

_Reaching up to the sink, she pulled herself up onto her knees. Turning on the cold water, she reached out and splashed some cold water on her face._

_She tried to breathe deeply, willing her heartbeat to return to normal. She lowered herself onto the cool linoleum floor, welcoming the coolness on her cheek as she laid her head down onto the floor._

_The last couple of days had been agonizing. When she wasn't throwing up, she was writhing in bed, wishing she could throw because that would provide her some relief from the pain her body was experiencing._

_She heard footsteps approaching, and opening her eyes she saw a pair of hideous nursing shoes coming towards her._

"_How ya holding up honey?" Ella, who had quickly become Brooke's favorite nurse, asked._

"_I wish I was dead." Brooke muttered._

"_Oh now honey, I know this is bad. But I promise you in a few days you'll stop puking your guts out and you'll start to feel much better. This is your body's way of starting to heal, it has to get all the poison out."_

_Brooke nodded, too weak to reply. Ella bent down and pulled the brunette off the floor and helped her get back into bed._

_Brooke curled up underneath the sheets and shut her eyes, praying that this hell would end soon._

Noticing the time, Brooke headed towards one of the meeting rooms on the other end of her floor.

Walking into the room she took her usual seat in the circle, between Ada, an actress who had been in and out of multiple rehab facilities over the past five years, and Whitney, a young mother of three whose husband had found her passed out in a chaise lounge while her kids were swimming in the pool. Thankfully, nothing bad had happened to any of her kids, but her husband had promptly shipped her off, not wanting to put their kids in further danger.

Brooke eyed an empty chair at the other end of the circle, that chair had been previously filled by Jen, a tiny blonde from New York City who got into some bad drug habits with a boyfriend who claimed to love her. Jen had been released the day before, and hearing her talk about her struggles during group meetings had really helped Brooke.

Right before the meeting started, a thin, pale, red-headed girl walked in and sat in Jen's now empty seat. The greenish tinge to her face made it clear that she was going through withdrawal. The girl crossed her arms across her chest and skillfully avoided everyone's glance, it was obvious she was nervous about being in the circle.

_Brooke gnawed on her nails as she sat there, eyeing the other girls in the circle. Some looked normal enough, a couple looked like they felt as sick as Brooke, and some just looked sad._

_Brooke had been dreading her first group meeting since the day her counselor told her about it. She had never been one to tell people about her problems, even her closest friends had to drag it out of her, and the thought of sitting in a circle and telling her problems to a bunch of girls she didn't know seemed impossible._

_The girls went around the circle one by one, stating their name and their problem;_

"_I'm Jen and I'm a drug addict."_

"_I'm Ada and I'm an alcoholic."_

_One by one Brooke watched as they spoke until it was her turn. Looking towards the counselor on one end of the circle, she shook her head._

"_It's okay Brooke, you don't have to say anything yet. Just listen for today."_

_Brooke breathed a sigh of relief. Admitting she needed help was hard enough, but confessing it to this group of people, she just wasn't ready._

"I'm Brooke and I'm an alcoholic."

She couldn't believe how easy those words came to her now. It had taken a while, but she finally realized that being an alcoholic didn't make her a bad person, it just made her a person who struggled more in the day to day than most other people.

"Hello group," the counselor started, after everyone took their turn introducing themselves, "because Brooke is heading home tomorrow, she gets to start off today's meeting. Brooke…,"

"If you told me three months ago that I'd be sitting here talking to you all without even one bit of nervousness, I'd never believe you. But now, you've all come to be great friends and allies. I have a drinking problem. I'm going to struggle with that everyday, I know that. When things get bad, I'd rather be numb than deal with them. But I've learned here, with the help from all of you, that being numb is no way to go through life. I wish I could say that I know I'll be fine tomorrow, and for all the days after that, but that's just something I'm not sure of. I have friends who love and support me, and I know that they'll be there for me everyday. I also know though, that they can't understand how I feel and why I feel the need to drink. Whenever I feel like that though, I know I can go to an AA meeting and there will be people, as understanding and willing to listen as all of you, that will help me through it. So thanks for being here and for supporting me. Now though, it's my time to walk out of here and start supporting myself."

Brooke sat down and looked around the circle, tears welled in her eyes and blurred her vision. Everyone clapped for her. A few even had tears of their own lining their eyes. Brooke smiled at the circle, at her allies, at her friends and she knew, she was ready.

ooooOoooo

"Lucas Scott, I'm here to pick up Brooke Davis."

The nurse at the check in table smiled at him, "Of course, you can head right down to her room."

Lucas nodded in thanks and made his way down the hall towards her room. Looking down at the bouquet of flowers in his hand, he remembered the first time he walked down this same hall, with similar flowers, nervous for what was waiting for him in room 108.

_Reaching out, he knocked softly on the open door. When no response came he peered in and looked around the room. _

_When he saw her his heart broke a little bit. She was curled up underneath the covers of her bed, gazing out the window. _

"_Hey there Pretty Girl." He said softly, not wanting to break her from her trance too abruptly. _

_She sat up slowly, a small smile forming on her lips._

"_I'd hardly say anything about me is pretty right now." _

_While withdrawal had come and gone a week before, Brooke still felt tired and run down. She had not spent anytime primping since she'd checked in._

_Lucas made his way over to the bed and sat down next to her. Searching in her eyes he prayed to see that flicker again, that flicker that was the essence of Brooke. Sadly, he wasn't met with a flicker, but instead sadness. He took the sadness though, over the empty look she'd had the weeks prior to the intervention._

"_How are you feeling?"_

"_I'm doing okay. Just really tired. Apparently overcoming alcoholism is no easy task." She tried to laugh as she spoke, but couldn't find the strength._

"_I think it's all that bravery that is wearing you out too. You doing this is incredible Brooke, it really is."_

_She thought for a moment and then nodded; she had been feeling kind of brave these days. She had spoken for the first time in her group meeting the other day and even though it had been hard, she was met with nothing but enthusiasm from the other members._

"_How's everybody doing?" She asked, not wanting to focus on her anymore at the moment. After all, everyday was all about her in this place._

"_Everyone is good. Haley and Nathan are back home, up to their usual bickering. She called me the other day complaining because she finally made Nathan do the laundry, only after he complained that his 'whites were not white enough,' and he of course got a brand new red sock in with the whites and everything came out pink. Apparently most of the whites were Nathan's t-shirts, so she's been making him wear one of the pink ones everyday."_

_Brooke laughed, for the first time in weeks, at that anecdote. Lucas felt his heart soar at the sound of her laugh, and looking at her, saw just the tiniest flicker in her eyes. He knew she'd come back to him soon._

Peering into her room, he saw her standing in front of the window.

She wore a thin white cotton dress that fell just above her knees and a pair of silver flats. Her hair was piled messily atop her head.

He couldn't help but smile, it used to be rare for Brooke to be so dressed down, but since being in rehab it was a regular occurrence. He had to admit, as amazing as she looked all done up, he really loved the way she looked all dressed down. She just seemed more comfortable in her own skin these days.

"Knock, knock." He called into her room.

"Hey you!" She smiled, rushing over to him and allowing him to wrap her in a tight hug.

"These are for you." He said, handing her the bouquet once they broke apart.

"Awww, thanks. They're beautiful. I actually just had to throw out the ones you brought me last week, they were starting to wilt."

He had come every weekend, without fail, as soon as her first two weeks were over. Sometimes he would bring Peyton, or Haley, but when one of them couldn't make it, he made the trip alone. Brooke knew she would probably never admit it to him, but his commitment to her had really helped with her progress.

"Ready to go?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

She smiled up at him and it was all he could do to not bend down and plant a kiss on those gorgeous lips of hers. That flicker had returned to her eyes weeks ago and it was rousing all sorts of urges inside of him.

Hoisting her suitcase off the bed, he reached out for her hand and they started down the hall together.

"I've already filled out all the paperwork, so we can just go."

He nodded, "Is there anyone you want to say goodbye to?"

"I said everything I needed to say in group yesterday. And then last night I said good bye one on one to a few people. I don't want to look back on today and be sad Luke, I want to look back instead and remember it as the day I started over. No time for tears."

Lucas smiled; she really had come back to him. Squeezing her hand, he led her out the front door and to his car.

The four hour drive home was quiet. Not an uncomfortable quiet though, but rather that quiet that only old friends and lovers can share. Being together had always been easy for them, and despite all the turmoil around Brooke going to rehab, the usual ease between them had returned.

ooooOoooo

"A little higher on your end Hales." Nathan directed his wife who was perched atop a ladder.

"Remind me again why Peyton and I are up on these ladders while you, Mr. Six Foot Three Basketball Star is directing us from the ground?"

Nathan smirked, "I couldn't resist Hales. After all, I get a direct view right up your tiny little skirt."

Haley tried to glare at him, but couldn't resist laughing, and by the looks of it neither could Peyton who was perched atop a ladder on the other side of the 'Welcome Home Brooke' banner they were trying to hang.

After about half an hour more of decorating and present arranging (the group had learned early on that the way to Brooke's heart was always through presents) the group of friends sat down in the living room to wait for Brooke and Lucas to get home.

"I'm sorry, I know we said we wouldn't talk about this," Haley started, "But did you search the house for any bottles?"

Peyton nodded, "Yeah, Lucas and I did a walk through the other day. We even poured out the rubbing alcohol. It's all long gone."

"You looked everywhere?" Haley prodded, "Even through her closet and all her drawers?"

"Everywhere. And I can almost guarantee that Lucas went through the house again last night after I left. This house is bone dry."

Haley finally accepted the answer and sat back, laying her head on Nathan's chest. He knew that she was still apprehensive so he reached out and gently rubbed her arm, just letting her know he understood.

Less than an hour later they heard a horn beep and everyone hurried to the entryway.

Minutes later Brooke walked in, beaming from ear to ear, with Lucas in tow.

"Welcome home."

"We missed you."

Everyone spoke at once. Brooke just smiled and started hugging each friend. Once she'd hugged the last one, she stepped back, "There had better be presents."

The whole group laughed and made their way into the living room for cake and presents, two of Brooke's favorite things.

The afternoon proceeded without problem. The friends all caught up and just enjoyed being together once again. While they all knew that some heavy conversations and that some possibly difficult situations might arise over the coming weeks, they were all happy to just sit back and have fun as a group for the first time in a while.

ooooOoooo

"That was fun."

"Yeah, it was." Brooke nodded in agreement as they cleaned up the remains of her welcome home party. "I swear though, that banner is a little crooked." She took a step back and eyed it.

Lucas just laughed, the whole group had been told, multiple times, by Peyton and Haley about their trials and tribulations with the sign, and how Nathan and Jake just stood there directing.

After picking up the last piece of wrapping paper, Brooke stood up and looked at Lucas.

"Bed?" He asked.

She nodded apprehensively. "Actually, can we talk about something?"

"Of course." He went and sat down on the couch, Brooke followed his lead.

"One really important thing I learned in rehab was that I have to learn how to be there for myself, and how to be enough for myself. Once I have a good handle on those things, sobriety will be much easier."

Lucas nodded, not sure where she was going.

"That being said, I want you to keep staying here, with me, at least as long as you can. But for right now, all I can let you be is my friend. Anything beyond that I'm just not ready for. Is that okay with you?"

"Brooke, of course. I don't expect anything from you, well anything other than you getting all better. I will always be here. And when you're ready, well then we'll talk."

Brooke smiled, "Lucas Scott, are you sure I'm worth the wait?"

Sitting back he looked at her for a minute, thoughtfully. He slowly then started to nod, "Let me just make sure."

Reaching his hand in back of her neck he slowly pulled her towards him, their lips meeting in a tender kiss.

The kiss didn't last more than a minute, but in that minute she got her answer, she absolutely was worth waiting for.


	15. Near To You

**Author's note: **So I've had this last chapter written for a long time now, half of it was written when I started the story because I knew how I wanted it to end. For the past few months I've been trying to write more in between my last chapter and this, but I couldn't do it just right. That's been my thing with this story, I wanted it all to be just right. Then, while watching the premier tonight, I knew what I had to do. I had to end the story now, the way I wanted. I know it's been a while, so check out how the last chapter ended to keep with the flow. And while I know I'll get some reviews that wanted more before it ended, I have to do it my way. I hope you enjoy it, and thanks for reading my story. I've been working on another one I hope to post soon, I just needed to finish this one first.

Chapter 15- Near To You

"Nathan, we absolutely have to leave right now. We are already so late." Haley yelled towards the back of their lavish hotel suite.

She looked at herself one last time in the mirror and smiled, the red sundress was a little tighter and little more revealing than she would normally wear, but Brooke had helped her pick it so she knew it was exactly what she should wear.

"God Hales, calm down, I'm coming."

Second later Nathan rushed down the stairs and out the door. Haley trailed behind him, and once she settled into her side of the Range Rover, she sighed, a deep sigh. Nathan knew that sigh, and it wasn't one of relief, it was one of nervousness.

"It's going to be fine Hales. Really. You don't know why she wanted us to be there."

Haley tried to smile and shake away her doubts, "I know Nathan. It's just, she's been doing so well. And remember last time we thought she was doing well? She passed out in the bar of our hotel. I just need her to be okay."

Nathan reached over and took Haley's tiny hand in his, "I know Hales. She will be."

oooooOooooo

"But I want to go with you." Jenny whined.

"This is something the adults have to go to alone baby." Jake tried to explain, as Peyton tried on stepped in front of the mirror in yet another outfit.

"But I love Brooke. I want to see her."

"And I'm sure you will soon. We don't really know what Brooke has to tell us, so we would rather go and find out first, and then let you know. I need you to be a big girl and stay here with Suzie while we go, okay?"

Jenny nodded and headed down the stairs to choose a movie to watch with Suzie, her favorite babysitter.

"Peyton, really, that looks great. Let's go." Jake was started to get frustrated. Peyton had tried on most of her closet, well at least the part of her closet not containing all her band shirts.

"It's just that I know this is important to her. Us being there. So I really want to look right, and make it special. You know how Brooke is, if I showed up dressed wrong the day will suddenly turn to being about that."

Throwing up her arms in exasperation, Peyton returned to the closet once again. This time Jake followed and pulled out a top. It was a black satin tank top with a funky bow on one of the shoulders.

"She made this for you. Throw it on with some jeans. I think it's perfect."

Peyton smiled and kissed Jake on the cheek.

"Five minutes, I promise."

oooooOooooo

She craned her neck to look around the room from her seat in the front row. Where was he? She saw Haley and Nathan and Peyton and Jake, but no Lucas. She was worried he wouldn't show. She was worried he'd decided to stop waiting for her.

As the group leader walked up to the stage to start, she heard rushed footsteps heading up the aisle and turned around. There he was, looking frantic but gorgeous as always. The scruff on his face making him look strong and rugged, his striped button down shirt making him look like the man he had turned into, and the ripped jeans reminding her that in him would always lie that boy she first fell in love with.

Looking down at her hands she took a deep breath and tried to remember everything she wanted to say. The group leader's opening words floated in one ear and out the other, she couldn't even process his words she was so nervous. But then she heard it, her name. She took a deep breath, stood up, straightened out her skirt, and walked towards the stage.

"I'm Brooke Davis, and I'm an alcoholic."

She looked around the room. That was the easy part. That was the part she had said so many times before. Now came the part she was never very good at, expressing herself.

"Today is my 365th day of sobriety, and I won't lie, it has been hell. Pure hell. But when I look back, I think it was more of a hell before that first day, I was just too numb to see it. And through that numbness I managed to shut out and hurt every single person that meant anything to me."

Peyton could feel her eyes welling up already. Jake reached out and took her hand, squeezing it, hoping to give her some strength.

"People always thought I had it all. Part of it was because on the outside, it looked like I did. What no one knew that under all of the superficial stuff, the pretty clothes, the money, the seemingly perfect husband, the beautiful house, was a scared and miserable girl. I was so unhappy and didn't even know it."

"I remember the first time I ever had a sip of alcohol. I was 14. It was at some party after some basketball game. I was a freshman in high school. At that point in time, it was all about fitting in. A couple of years later it changed, and drinking became this thing I did to keep up appearances. Everyone needed me to be what they expected. Needed me to fit into my role; I was the head cheerleader, the party girl, the captain of the basketball team's girlfriend."

Nathan cleared his throat and leaned over to Haley, "Co-captain."

She softly giggled, relieved at the momentary distraction.

"One day, it all changed. I started drinking to hide my unhappiness, to hide my pain. I don't know what was worse, that I was trying to hide my pain from my friends, or from myself, because the drinking really was about both. I didn't realize how bad it was getting. Or that it was my crutch. I didn't realize I needed it to make it through the day. It was just something I did. The hidden bottles of vodka became part of my routine. And I never thought twice about it."

"When I tried to think about my lowest point, I first thought it was about a year and half ago, when I picked my best friend's daughter up from school drunk and drove her home. I got pulled over, but the cop let me go. Now I realize how stupid I was, and that if he had arrested me, that day might have been my lowest point. But instead, he let me go. And despite my deep love for my friend, and her daughter, I couldn't bring myself to apologize, or even to admit what I'd done. And she needs to know that I am truly, truly sorry."

Brooke looked directly at Peyton, theirs eyes meeting over the crowd. Peyton nodded in thanks, and Brooke knew she could finally forgive herself for that day.

"My real low came 366 days ago. My best friends in the whole world tried to tell me by telling me how much they loved and cared for me and how they wanted me to get help, and I just sat there, not feeling their words. Now I know, that day hardly sounds like a low point. I had my best friends in the entire world sitting there telling me how much they loved me. But it was, because the entire time I sat there, I was drunk out of my mind. None of them knew it, I had become that good at hiding it. It was then that I realized I'd let them down. I'd gone from the girl who got drunk at parties to have a good time, to the girl who could sit there blitzed out of her mind and have no one know. I remember sitting there doubting them, doubting their words. And it was then that I realized it had gone too far, I had gone too far. I sat there thinking they all had to hate me so much, or have some hidden agenda, to try to ruin my life like that. And that was when it finally hit me, the problem wasn't all of them, it was me. So I packed my bags and went off to rehab."

Brooke took a deep breath, amazed she had made it this far.

"Everyday since then has been a struggle for me. Day number one being pretty high up there on the list, seeing as how all I did was puke all day. There were some days that weren't so hard, and there were some days that seemed damn near impossible. But whenever I found myself pulling into the parking lot of the liquor store, I remembered how I felt that day it all changed. The day when I realized it wasn't my friends who had the problem, it was me. Somehow, that always gave me the strength to turn the wheel and drive out of the parking lot. It was my friends who saved me by showing me that I had to learn to save myself. And one friend in particular, held my hand the entire time."

Looking towards Lucas she saw that his blue eyes were glued to her. She knew she had to say this for him.

"I was really good at pushing people away, and he fought like hell to not let me. He scooped me up off of a barstool, and held my hair back all night, and still, I fought him when he tried to help. He sat on the bathroom floor and held me when I needed it, and wouldn't let me out of a hug just because I tried, no matter how hard I punched him, because he knew I needed to be held. He has always loved me for exactly who I was, and I was just too closed off to realize what a rare and beautiful gift that is. When I finally did realize it, it was the wrong time. I had to work on me. I knew that. And when I told him that, he swore he'd wait. And for the first time in my life, I didn't doubt his love. It was that love that got me through, and that love that got me up here today."

She looked down at her shoes and laughed a little, wringing her hands together like she always did when she got nervous.

"I'm up here today because I need him to know that because he waited, I found a way to love myself again, and that was what I was always lacking."

Brooke turned and walked off the stage as the group applauded her. She took her seat back in the first row after hugging her sponsor.

"You did great Brooke, I'm so proud of you." He whispered in her ear.

The rest of the meeting flew by, as she was still reeling from what she had just done. Before she knew it, people started to disperse, headed back to the stale cookie trays and burnt coffee.

As she made her way down the aisle she was nearly attacked by Haley and Peyton. They didn't say anything, just hugged her tight.

She smiled, their friendship truly did transcend words. She knew what they were thinking, which was good because they were both crying too hard to say anything.

She pulled away from them, and they looked at her. She nodded towards the back of the room, and they both knew to who she was headed.

He stood there, arms crossed over his chest, and watched her walk towards him. It never ceased to amaze him how beautiful she was. Even when she had been so broken, her beauty found a way to shine through all the pain.

He started to open his mouth and she reached up, placing her perfectly polished finger on his lips.

"I'm the one who gets to talk today."

He nodded, and looked deep into her eyes, glad that the spark was back, bright as ever.

"I meant every word I said up there Luke. You're my rock. You always have been, even when I was too stupid to realize it. I know I asked you to wait. And if you'll still have me…" She trailed off, looking deep in his eyes for his answer.

He didn't say a word, just gazed into her eyes.

The silence put her off and she opened her mouth to speak again, the silence racking her nerves.

This time it was he who placed the finger on her lips, and he shook his head.

As soon as he saw she had resisted the urge to speak, he moved his hand, and ran it through her hair. Then, cupping her chin he tilted her face up to his and their lips met.

They didn't need words either, the kiss said it all.


End file.
